The week of interviewing the candidates has taken its toll. I have never seen Devil so exhausted, honestly. He finally admits, it is not that easy to deal with all the different characters. As soon as he got up this morning, he took down the theatre curtain and made himself a nice hammock in the backyard. I don’t think we will be seeing much of him today.
Harvey is the last contestant in this round of questions. Remember the gambling rabbit that made all Dedes cringe last week? Now he seemed to be a changed puppet. The bounce was gone, he moped along, it looked as if he was dragging his long ears on stage.
“You seem a bit down today, mate” said Devil when he shook Harvey‘s hand to greet him. “I didn’t get a single date last week.” Harvey said cheerlessly.
“Are you surprised?”
“Yes, I am a little. I really don’t understand what women want!….”
“Harvey, this is not a dating competition…. And I am not a psychologist! Let’s just get on with the show!” Devil was visibly uncomfortable that Harvey wanted to speak about his last performance. Harvey plonked himself on the chair and continued talking “…You know this is just how I react in stress situations. Pig freezes and I get loud. Everybody felt sorry for poor old Pig when it happened. It would be nice if you guys could cut me a bit of slack as well. I am really not that bad….”
“Let it go…” Devil butted in “Let’s just move on and see how you go today. Here are your three questions:”
1. What would you like to do for Christmas?
2. Being Christmas and all, what can you do to make the world a better place?
3. What are your plans for next year?
“What would I like to do for Christmas? If I had the money I would take Deutsch Fraulein to Germany. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. I have to buy a lottery ticket first, but if I win, I’ll take her. She would so love that.” He stopped there for a little and then added more softly: “maybe she would like me then!”
“For the second question, to be honest Devil, what could a little rabbit like me do to make the world a better place? Yes, if I had heaps of money I would set up a big farm and all the kids in the neighbourhood could grow their own food there and their mums would love me for that. There is no question, if I had enough, I would give money to all sorts of charities… But really what can a little rabbit like me do? Particularly one that is broke.”
“What are my plans? I am sure I am going to win the jackpot in 2013! Thirteen is my lucky number. When I have all this money, I will buy a big house and settle down. Maybe Cash Cow can move in with me – living in a garage can’t be too good for her – she could look after my kids. Once I have this big house, the ladies will find me more attractive, and I will find a nice girl who can cook and wants to settle down with me and start a family. I know it will be all good, when I win the lottery.”
Harvey’s eyes glazed over and everybody in the audience could see what a wonderful world he was creating for himself.
How do you rate Harvey’s answers?
The next in line for questioning was Mouse. She came running onto the stage and the first thing she said to Devil was that she nearly called in sick. The flu is going around and she feels like she is coming down with something. But she has so much to do. She can’t afford to lie idly in bed for a day or two, as she is trying to organise the Dede Christmas Party. Weather permitting, they all want to go out to the beach somewhere and that is a major undertaking. Forty puppets…. it is not an easy feat.
Devil didn’t say much, he just waited until she had finished talking and settled down a little.
“Take a deep breath, Mouse” he said finally “it will be all fine. Are you ready then?” Mouse nodded eagerly and got her notepad and pen out while Devil read out the three questions.
1. What do you want for Christmas?
“Peace and quiet” Mouse said instantly, but Devil made a sign she should wait until he had finished.
2. If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you like to do?
3. What is the biggest downside of being a Dede?
Mouse waited. It was obvious she thought there must be another question. “In your own time” Devil invited her to give her answers.
“Sorry, what was that again?”
“What do you want for Christmas?” Devil repeated. Mouse laughed hysterically. “I thought that was just chit-chat, but it was the first question.” Mouse got more and more frazzled.
“You said peace and quiet before” Devil reminded her to get her back on track.
“Yes, I personally want to have some quiet time, but don’t you want to know what I want for all the Dedes or the world?”
“The interpretation of the question is totally up to you!” Devil explained. Mouse looked in the air and after a while she succumbed: “No, I can’t think of anything else. I will go with peace. That is what I want for Christmas. So on to the second question… what is the biggest downside….”
‘That was question Number 3, but you can answer it first if you like” Devil interrupted
“No, no, we will do it in the right order. So what was question two again?” she asked. Devil read it out once more: “If you could do whatever you wanted…”
“Yes, yes, yes… Why would I want to do something different? I have a good standing in the Dede world. Everybody knows me, I know everybody. Plenty of things for me to do. No, I have no wishes to do anything else!”
“You don’t want to see your relatives in Europe, for example?”
“Ahhhhh, is that what you mean? I thought you meant what I want to do for work. You need to be a bit clearer with your phrasing! And no, I don’t want to see my relatives in Europe, how would I get there?”
“So, what’s your answer then?” Devil asked to clarify.
“What is your question?” Mouse countered.
“The question is ‘What would you like to do’….”
“I know, but you need to be a bit more specific”
“But Mouse,” Devil started to get agitated now “the whole idea is that the readers find out something about you. They want to hear how you interpret the question. Otherwise I could ask you closed questions that you can only answer with yes or no!”
As Devil got louder, Mouse noticed she might have pushed it a bit too far. She had no intention to aggravate the host and she backed down: “Okay okay then, my answer is, I am blissfully happy with what I do!”
“Can we move on then?” Devil asked with a sigh of relief “So your last question is, what is the biggest downside of being a Dede?
“My first thought when I heard the question was that we are not waterproof and can only go out in sunshine, but I will change my mind… The biggest downside of being a Dede is that we are dependent on humans. One in particular, our artist. She made me say all these things, and I came across real ditsy today, didn’t I? So please don’t forget, it wasn’t really me! Honestly, I am not really that ditsy.”
How do you rate Mouse’s answers
L’Artiste was still wearing his unique tunic. He must have copyrighted his appearance as I haven’t seen any other puppets taking up the fad.
When L’Artiste sat down, Devil shuffled the cards to make us believe the questions are random, but honestly, when you’ve heard today’s questions one wonders if Devil rigged it. Isn’t it just a tad suspicious that L’Artiste, of all candidates, got the two questions posted by German artist Jürgen (or was it Buchalov?). But then does it really matter? This round is an exercise about how fast the candidates can think on their feet and finding out more about their personalities.
The first question didn’t go down too well though. Devil read out:
1. Where do you want to be in five years’ time?
As soon as the question was read out, L’Artiste jumped up from his seat shouting indignantly. “What sort of question is that?… Where do you want to be in five years’ time?” He shook his head while pacing up and down. “I am not in a job interview here, am I? How dare you ask me this middle management crap! I am an artist and if I am still alive in five years time, of course I want to be an artist. It doesn’t mean I will still do the same thing as I do today. Who knows what my art will be!” He stopped pacing and smiled at Devil “C’mon, Devil, Challenge me! Give me a question with some beef!”
Devil calmly explained again that all the questions were random before reading out the remaining two;
2. What are the three most beautiful things for a puppet?
3. What do you think about ‘Eden’, the special place humans are longing for?
L’Artiste was obviously a little happier with these and remained seated for the rest of the session.
“The second question, what are the three most beautiful things for a puppet? I can only answer from my personal perspective, as we are all different. Number 1 on my personal list is our very close-knit and supportive network. Number 2 is the mutual respect we have for each other and our ability to kiss and make up. We do have our fights, but they never last terribly long. Number 3 is the space we have from each other. If we need to we can have some time out. We can virtually drop of the planet, but come back some time later when we are ready and are welcomed back with open arms.” He paused for a moment nodding slightly a couple of times, then he continued: “Let me summarise this. The three most beautiful things for a puppet are ONE: Friendship, TWO: Friendship and THREE: Friendship. No question about it!”
“The third question is right down my alley, isn’t it? I have thought about it a lot. Ever since I first saw Hieronymus Bosch’s painting ‘Garden of Earthly Delights’ as a little whipper snapper.” He turned to Devil and said with a little wink: “But I can assure you Devil, it wasn’t Eden that attracted me to this painting.”
“Does Eden exist, or doesn’t it? If it really existed, we Dedes certainly would be in it. But let’s be realistic, ‘Eden’, ‘Paradise’, ‘Arcadia’, every culture has such a place, different only in name. They are first and foremost places of harmony. Unfortunately, true harmony is a figment of the imagination. As soon as two people, or puppets for that matter, are in the same place there is potential for dissonance. We Dedes certainly strive for harmony and a good place to live, but I don’t think we will ever achieve it. I strongly believe the reason for our existence is to strive and do our best! After all we are only Dedes, just as humans are only human!
What do you think about L’Artiste’s answers?
You might have expected to see Mouse today, but the order of the candidates is pulled out of a hat, so the next one up was Cash Cow.
Don’t be fooled by her droopy eyes and her circumstances that find her living in a garage. Cash Cow had a rather well received performance last week and if you care to listen, you will realise she still has a lot to offer, even though her udder ran dry.
Devil got up from his seat when Cash Cow appeared and greeted her with a kiss on her cheek. He then waited until she had settled on her seat before he sat down himself and read out the questions she has to answer:
1. If you could be something else, what would you rather be?
2. What is your biggest regret in life?
3. If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
Cash Cow sat quietly for a while. You could see her mulling the questions over in her mind and then finally she moved her rather large pink flower into position and started to speak:
“What would I like to be if I could be something else?” She asked into space “…I would like to be a fountain… To be precise, a fountain of knowledge. It is not so different from being a Cash Cow really, except I would attract a totally different audience, wouldn’t I? Puppets would come to me for my wisdom, not for the money they’d expect. As you know, I am dry… Yes, you can suck a Cash Cow dry – and once this fact was out in the open, my stream of visitors ebbed away as well. I don’t think this could happen to a fountain of knowledge.
“I have to disappoint you with the second question though, my dear. Regret is such a big word. Don’t get bogged down by it. I always live to have no regrets. So if you don’t mind, I will have to pass on this one.”
“With the last question, I have to disappoint you again… I don’t want to be greedy… I am happy with one wish and one wish only!” She paused and Devil looked at her expectantly.
“I would wish for all my future wishes to come true. If this one is granted the other two become obsolete and I could give them away, to someone who really needs them and uses them wisely”, she said with a sparkle in her eye. And it looked as if she was thinking of Pig who certainly would wish for a fridge full of beer. “Not everyone wishes sensibly!” she added after a short giggle.
How do you rate Cash Cow’s answers?
First up for the second round on stage was Pig again. Remember last week? Pig froze on stage and had a very poor performance. Now Devil had just made himself comfortable with his stack of question cards, when Professor and Pig appeared on stage together. Professor walked up to Devil and whispered something in his ear. Devil shook his head a few times and finally Professor left the stage leaving Pig behind. Devil told me later, that Professor had asked whether he could sit there with Pig as a bit of support for his mate. Pig was still very, very nervous. Devil’s answer of course was a resounding no. However, he promised to keep the questions simple today.
Pig sat down and immediately started staring at a tiny piece of floor right in front of him.
“Are you ready?” Devil asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever will be” said Pig without looking up, but astoundingly confident. Professor must have coached him all last week.
Devil shuffled the question cards and read out three questions for today’s candidate:
1. What are your aspirations in life?
2. What would you consider bliss?
3. What is your biggest fear?
“Can you start from the beginning again, please?” Pig asked. “What do you mean by apparition?”
“Aspiration I said, not apparition. Just tell me what you want to be!”
“I only know what I don’t want to be… I don’t want to become pork chops like any other pig. That’s certainly not how I want to end up. Or as bacon. Professor tells me I have to be careful, particularly now that it is Christmas time. He says it is a dangerous time for a juicy little pig like me and he doesn’t want me to go out by myself with all the barbeques going on.” When he started to talk about Professor he all of a sudden could speak clearly and fluently, but he moved away from answering the question.
“It is certainly a good start, knowing what you don’t want. Isn’t it? Everything else will come with time” Devil said to indicate he deemed the question sufficiently answered. But Pig just looked at him blankly.
“So what would you consider bliss or heaven, then?” Devil repeated the second question as Pig seemed to be lost again.
“A fridge full of cold beer!” Pig answered instantly without consideration.
“That’s it? That is your answer?”
“Yes, I’ll stick to that!”
“Okay and what is your biggest fear?” Devil asked the last question again.
“Ending up as pork chops…” Pig said again, after staring at the floor for a while. Then he looked up. He must have seen Professor standing behind the curtains looking very disappointed, so he quickly added: “And that Professor leaves me. Yes, that is my biggest fear, Professor leaving me. Yes, Professor keeps me safe. So I hope he won’t leave me. This would be disastrous. I might as well become pork chops then…”
“Thank you Pig, that was all very revealing!”
“Was it?” Pig asked, obviously surprised that it was all over so quickly.
What do you think of Pig’s performance this week?
Philosopher raised his concerns yesterday that Deutsch Fraulein is missing the German pre-Christmas period. If you have ever visited Germany in Advent, you will know what he is talking about. Christmas is the winter feast of warmth and comfort in the midst of cold and darkness. If you look past the commercial side of it, it is really something: The snow, the glittering lights in the dark, the spice filled air. The Germans are one lucky folk in that they don’t have Sunday trading yet (or at least they didn’t have it last time I was there). Sundays are still days of contemplation, particularly in winter when the body wants to go into hibernation.
Here Downunder we call the pre-Christmas time the ‘silly season’. I always thought it is because you have to go to an endless line-up of barbeques and office parties, which of course goes hand in hand with drinking copious amounts of alcohol and being silly. I only recently found out ‘silly season’ is an historic newspaper term from the Northern Hemisphere and it describes the time of year when parliament is in recess and the newspapers have to come up with other (less important) stories to fill their pages. Of course Christmas and the long summer holidays coincide here. And come to think of it in terms of newspapers, silly season is all year round here.
For me personally, Christmas in the sun has lost its meaning. It is totally debased and what is left is one gigantic commercial feast. Needless to say it passes me by. I am out in the sun enjoying life. Come next winter and the coldness, I am back contemplating.
But I do understand Deutsch Fraulein (German Girl). She reads all these German blogs and gets terrible cravings for a good solid Christmas. So I thought as consolation I will buy here a ‘Stollen’, which is a special German Christmas cake with marzipan in it. To keep it fresh I put it in the fridge. Somebody must have told her. Next time I looked in the fridge, there she was, attacking the Stollen with a fork. She was so keen she hadn’t even taken the plastic off. She obviously found the perfect dark and cold place and is now devouring the comfort food. I hope she doesn’t forget to contemplate and that she leaves a piece for me.
All the performances I wrote about this week happened last Sunday – one after another – it was pretty exhausting. At the end of the first stage, L’Artiste and Cash Cow sang an impromptu duet. I mentioned it before, none of the Dedes can sing, but it is the thought that counts. The audience didn’t mind, it was just such a lovely finish to the first part of the competition.
At the moment there is no clear favourite, but definitely one bogeyman. The worst thing is, Harvey is totally oblivious to how much he offended the girls. Even some of the men are cringing. How do you tell somebody they were so terribly off the mark? Ah well, it is a competition and he will notice from his rating. This brings me to the next point… Have you rated all the candidates? There is a star system at the bottom of each post.
Devil and Detail called me for a meeting and asked what I thought of the calibre of the candidates. If I read them correctly, they were a little disappointed by the performances and they might have hoped for my confirmation. I reminded them that it was the explicit wish of the Dedes that I should hold back – it is entirely their show – so I won’t disclose my opinion. I am only there for administrative support.
The next round starts on Monday and this week our contestants will have to answer questions. Devil asked me to remind the readers that the organisers of the competition would be delighted to receive questions from the audience. So if you want to ask the candidates something, write a comment…. Every comment to a post made during the competition will go into the draw for the Dede puppet book Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need I hand-craft myself, a little hardcover book with pictures and stories of the initial Dede community. The second and third prize are a pack of Dede postcards (10 postcards each).
Philosopher took me to the side yesterday for a quiet talk. He is one of those puppets who don’t want to have a bar of the competition, but thinks if others believe it is fun they should go ahead. However, he aired his concern about Deutsch Fraulein (German Girl). You might know he cares a lot about her. He is secretly in love with her (from a distance). He told me Deutsch Fraulein spends a lot of time on German blogs at the moment. Everybody over there writes about Advent and Christmas and he has the feeling she might be a bit home sick. So he asked me – oh no, he begged me – not to forget all those puppets who are not part of the competition and maybe I could do something for them.
I asked what he had in mind. I can’t change the weather… we do have summer over here now and there is no snow. I absolutely hate fake snow and plastic christmas trees. It only gets dark at half past nine or ten-ish. Or have you ever tried Christmas cookies in summer? I have… they don’t taste that great…they have to be eaten in the dark and the cold! It’s comfort food.
“You are creative” Philosopher said “You will think of something!”
“That is such a cop out!” I answered, but he only smiled at me. He knows I can’t refuse any of his requests. He is too good a friend.
The audience had fits of laughter at the end of Harvey‘s speech, as if it had been the most hilarious comedy show. I am not entirely sure whether they were laughing about the rabbit’s crude innuendoes and thought it was a big, big joke, or the faux pas of Mouse and Socialite. Mouse was simply so eager to get her comment in, that she actually hadn’t taken in what was said. When Foxy Lady enlightened her by pointing out what she had cheered for, she turned instantly red. Fire-engine red to be precise. Dede puppets usually don’t change colour, but you can believe me, she did. I have never seen her so embarrassed and she quickly disappeared out the door and into the darkness.
Harvey couldn’t quite make out why everyone was laughing either, but he obviously took it as a good sign. He walked up to Socialite, gave her a big hug and sloppy kiss on the cheek as thank you for her support. Socialite giggled, but was clearly uncomfortable. Harvey didn’t notice, he was chuffed he had found a new best mate.
Finally, L’Artiste, the last of the competitors ambled onto the stage. Rather than the standard black robe, he wore a colourful outfit – just to be different. He stood there for a couple of moments and enjoyed the admiring glances from all the puppets. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d started a new fashion trend with his gown and tomorrow everybody will be wearing a similar rag.
“I will make it short and sweet” he began in his deep and relaxing voice “I am L’Artiste Dede. I do my own thing! If you know me a little, you know how much I love my reclusive lifestyle. I am certainly not one to join the crowd. To be honest, I hate it all… I detest reality and talent shows with every fibre of my being. On the other hand I am open minded and naturally curious and I am always good for new experiences. I strongly believe the foundation of all judgements should be your own experience…
“I signed up more or less as a joke and I am very surprised I got in. I thought there were other contenders that have much more of a chance than I have. But now, here I am – and I will go through with it. Que sera sera. But should I win, I certainly won’t write it on my CV – I might turn my thoughts into some sort of artwork though.”
He briefly lifted his hand “Salute! And thank you for your attention” and with those words he loafed off again.
The Dedes looked at each other and didn’t know what to make of it.
“Bold” said Smug Little Devil after an extended pause and because nobody else said anything. The others looked at him and nodded in agreement.
Only Monkey said, “rubbish, he should have moved aside and let me have a go!”
What do you think about L’Artiste’s performance?
Mouse asked me not to report what Monkey and Smug Little Devil say when the contestants leave the stage, as they invariably say the same thing to everyone. But I reminded her that Devil had instructed me implicitly to write down the first three comments from the Dede audience. And I am a truthful reporter! I do my job well. She went off to look for Devil to complain, but couldn’t find him. So she devised Plan B and this was simply to out-smart the two boys by getting her comment in first after the next contestant. She also convinced Socialite to do the same. They choose a short, yet supportive remark, and practiced for a bit to get it out quickly.
The next contestant was Harvey the rabbit. He bounced onto the stage with youthful energy: “Hi, I am Harvey. Thanks guys for all your votes. A big thank you goes to Mr XL in particular for his great work as campaign manager. Unfortunately I had to sack him right after the election as he couldn’t find me a speech writer. Ah well, I listened to the earlier contestants and decided I can write my own speech. Easy-peasy! It can’t be too difficult to beat what we have heard and seen so far.” He laughed heartily at his own joke and plonked himself down on the edge of the stage.
“I bet we have a mostly youngish audience out there in the big wide world, so I won’t bore you with any family crap. I don’t know how many siblings I have nor how many kids for that matter. After all I am a rabbit. I live for the here and now, and for the big day when I win the lottery. In the meantime all I want to have, is fun…. And ladies, you are lucky, I am not married yet! Yes, all you lasses out there, look at at me: This handsome young buck is still available… I am a really nice guy. I have a good sense of humour, I am easy going and, most importantly, I am not particularly demanding. Yes, it is time to settle but I am still looking for the right sheila, bird, lass what ever you want to call ’em. Doctor says I should eat more rabbit food, so it would be good if the sheila could cook. I am eating far too many burgers. I know that it’s not really the best diet, but there is some salad in it, isn’t there?
“Apart from this, I want her to be fun-loving too and, please, none of this deep and meaningful stuff. Life is far too short.
“Looking forward to your questions next week, laaaayydiiiies! And this is all from me for now…” With those words he hopped off the stage straight into the audience.
“Bravo” called Mouse
“Brilliant” shouted Socialite
“You can’t be serious” commented Foxy Lady “I must be in the wrong film”
What did you think of Harvey?
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