harvey speaking

Mouse asked me not to report what Monkey and Smug Little Devil say when the contestants leave the stage, as they invariably say the same thing to everyone. But I reminded her that Devil had instructed me implicitly to write down the first three comments from the Dede audience. And I am a truthful reporter! I do my job well. She went off to look for Devil to complain, but couldn’t find him. So she devised Plan B and this was simply to out-smart the two boys by getting her comment in first after the next contestant. She also convinced Socialite to do the same. They choose a short, yet supportive remark, and practiced for a bit  to get it out quickly.

The next contestant was Harvey the rabbit. He bounced onto the stage with youthful energy: “Hi, I am Harvey. Thanks guys for all your votes. A big thank you goes to Mr XL in particular for his great work as campaign manager. Unfortunately I had to sack him right after the election as he couldn’t find me a speech writer. Ah well, I listened to the earlier contestants and decided I can write my own speech. Easy-peasy! It can’t be too difficult to beat what we have heard and seen so far.” He laughed heartily at his own joke and plonked himself down on the edge of the stage.

“I bet we have a mostly youngish audience out there in the big wide world, so I won’t bore you with any family crap. I don’t know how many siblings I have nor how many kids for that matter. After all I am a rabbit. I live for the here and now, and for the big day when I win the lottery. In the meantime all I want to have, is fun…. And ladies, you are lucky, I am not married yet! Yes, all you lasses out there, look at at me: This handsome young buck is still available… I am a really nice guy.  I have a good sense of humour, I am easy going and, most importantly, I am not particularly demanding.  Yes, it is time to settle but I am still looking for the right sheila, bird, lass what ever you want to call ’em. Doctor says I should eat more rabbit food, so it would be good if the sheila could cook. I am eating far too many burgers. I know that it’s not really the best diet, but there is some salad in it, isn’t there?

“Apart from this, I want her to be fun-loving too and, please, none of this deep and meaningful stuff. Life is far too short.

“Looking forward to your questions next week, laaaayydiiiies! And this is all from me for now…”  With those words he hopped off the stage straight into the audience.

“Bravo” called Mouse

“Brilliant” shouted Socialite

“You can’t be serious” commented Foxy Lady “I must be in the wrong film”

What did you think of Harvey?