Archives for the month of: October, 2012

All four of them have apologised… and now that I am finished washing the egg off the front porch, I have to say they are quite cute. I can’t be angry with them for long. But with these masks they are definitely not allowed to go trick-or-treating tonight.

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Sometimes I wonder if the Dedes think I have no feelings… They really made me cry this morning. But let me start at the beginning.

Last night we had a discussion about Halloween. A few of them wanted to go trick-or-treating. As I am European I am not used to this custom and I immediately said: “This is for kids, you are supposed to be grown-ups!”

Someone (it might have been L’Artiste) replied, “but we are small and when we wear masks nobody will notice. We will just take you along as adult supervision.”

“I am not letting the Dedes go around the neighbourhood extorting lollies from the good people. –  And I certainly won’t take part in it! That is a sound No. Do you read me?” I was surprised they bought it so quickly. The reply to my no’s are usually …but, but, but… Not this time. They shrugged their shoulders as if they wanted to say “We didn’t expect anything else from you” and disappeared swiftly whispering to each other.

What a big fright I got this morning when I was about to fetch the newspaper… Totally oblivious and still half asleep, I opened the door and there they were… sitting on my doorstep. They were all prepared with the good organic eggs from my fridge and a big bag… and worse, they all wore angry looking masks of a suspiciously familiar looking face. “Trick or treat” they shouted, but I had no chance to answer or even close the door quickly… the first egg landed fair and square on my knee …and it almost broke. Thank goodness they are no good at throwing anything.

The main discussion point between Philosopher and myself on Sunday was how we could solve the mystery of the cancellation email. Neither of us want our friend Mouse upset. It really unsettles the Dede world. We also agreed I couldn’t be in charge of the investigation. I am too close to the case and a few of the puppets distrust me in this regard. Personally, I think I could be neutral –  I want to shed light on the whole affair as much as Mouse does, but many of the puppets now believe I am biased for one reason or another. This would make the job so much more difficult for me than for anyone else who comes in from the outside. I will quite happily step aside and let somebody else deal with it. Mouse wants action. I want results…

So I put an email out yesterday to all the Dede puppets asking for submissions as to who should head the investigation and here are our three candidates. I am now putting the vote to the public – Who shall we engage?

1. Bobby

The Policeman would be the obvious choice, but he is still at the Academy. He will have his exams next weekend, so we would only have to postpone the investigation by one week. I also have to point out it would, of course, be his first big job in the real world.

2. Ducky

He put himself forward. He is a politician without office and I am not so sure how well liked he is by the Dedes, (but that shouldn’t affect his ability). Nobody  has seconded his nomination, and I have left him on the list only because of a lack of any other candidates. Good on him for holding his hand up!

3. Clay Head

Clay Head  is a Dede at heart (he was born a Dede but later converted to clay. As he is the only clay head, he must be pretty lonely). He was put forward by Philosopher and seconded by Devil. I have to elaborate a bit on this external consultant. Not being a real Dede he of course has no vested interest in the outcome whatsoever. I have to reveal though, that he fell off a table at a young age and lost one of his ears. So his hearing is impaired and I am not sure if he sustained any other injuries that could affect his judgement. I also have to put a caveat on him: I know that Clay Head, Devil and Philosopher were in the furnace together (that is much like kindergarten in the Dede world). There could be an aspect of the old boy’s network in his nomination.

Any thoughts? Can you help the Dedes make a decision?

Philosopher and I sat together for a long time last night. He is the most non-judgemental puppet I know. Of course I filled him in about what had happened last week while we drank a bottle of wine and devoured the chocolate fish they had brought home.

As a consequence Bad Conscience came to visit me this morning. At 5:23 am! He told me off and pointed out that the scale moves scarily to the right and I am getting older too. If I don’t want to have a body with niggles here, there and everywhere I should live more healthily. Would you believe this at 5:23 am in the morning? Did he have to tell me then? I asked him if this could wait until the sun was up. What does the sneaky puppet say to me? “I find you more perceptive at this hour of the night!”

“But I will have forgotten by sunrise”

“I will just keep coming back until you get it” he said. And I know he meant it. He is very persistent.

Philosopher and Lou returned from their boating trip today. I haven’t seen either of them so cheerful and chatty for a very long time.  Lou couldn’t stop telling us how wonderful their trip was and they proudly produced their early morning catch from the last day. I’ve never seen Lou so animated. When he was telling us all the gory details of how they wrangled the great fish from the sea, all the dede puppets listened their mouths wide open. But somehow their story seemed a bit fishy to me, even though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I took Philosopher to the side, looked him in the eye and asked him if this was all true. I know Philosopher can’t tell porkies and he readily told me  me what really happened:

They left last Sunday. Mouse had organised the charter boat for them. After they stocked up on supplies for the week from the supermarket, they went down to the marina to pick up the boat. Philosopher was asked to show his paperwork as proof that he can handle a boat. Unfortunately Philosopher doesn’t believe in paperwork, certificates and the like, so he doesn’t have any. “She’ll be right” is his general attitude in life. Usually he manages to convince people of his abilities and knowledge without a problem. Not this time… These people were insisting he showed them the correct papers, as if they were the border police. There was no way they would entrust him with their boat without the right stamp. So in the end Philosopher had to give up.

Now they were in a pickle… Mouse had made it very clear to Philosopher, Lou had to be out of the house when the party was on. He believes it had something to do with Skeleton coming to the party on her own. (Skeleton is the object of Lou’s desire. It’s all very complicated and I don’t want to go into detail right here. But I can assure you, it is all very awkward). So Philosopher convinced Lou that roughing it under a bridge for a week is almost as exciting as going away on the boat. They went to the park to find themselves a nice place under a bridge and stayed there for the week. And they really had a wonderful time. Lou made friends with other puppies running around in the park, chasing balls as young puppies do. In the end he didn’t want to come home today. But Philosopher came up with their tall story and they had a bet going about whether anybody would notice it was all fibs. Of course Lou then couldn’t wait to get home and see who would win the bet about the tale of their week.

 

When green asparagus appears in the shops, and shortly after when the deliciously red and sweet strawberries follow, then Winter is well and truly over! To celebrate the fresh arrivals, and as a small token of appreciation for all her work, I invited Mouse to the first strawberry breakfast of the season today.

She arrived with her little clipboard under her arm. I was a bit taken aback. It is Saturday and the clipboard reeked suspiciously of work. “There are only two items I want to quickly go over with you” she said apologetically, while I dished her up the biggest fruit I could find.

I had a quick glance and in her scrawly handwriting it said:

  1. Reminder: Lou and Philosopher due back tomorrow
  2. Cancellation email

Pretty small list. I wondered what she needed the clipboard for. She should have been able to memorize these two items. I guess she wanted to feel important.

1. Lou and Philosopher

With all the goings-on in the last week I have totally forgotten to tell you that Mouse managed to send Lou and Philosopher on the long-planned fishing trip. We first hatched this plan way back at Philosopher‘s birthday  in June. Lou was so in love with Skeleton Edeltraut then and I hoped Philosopher would be able to talk some sense into the puppy. But the weather was inclement throughout winter. Philosopher’s boat wouldn’t have been able to handle it and so it just didn’t happen. I was surprised, indeed, more than surprised, when they hastily departed last Sunday morning. Turns out Mouse had chartered a boat without telling anyone and then just said: “Well that is it: you two go now. Otherwise it will never happen” And they toddled off. Lou, the still love-sick puppy, went very reluctantly. Philosopher was out the door in a flash (not really a flash, but faster than his usually laid back speed – He loves the sea.) Problem is, Mouse hasn’t thought about who is going to pay for the charter boat.

I have to think about this one. I wish they wouldn’t do this to me. I am not a cash-cow. Oh, I feel a new puppet coming on. Yes, Cash-Cow would be a great flatmate for me.

2. Cancellation email

Mouse asked me who I thought wrote the email telling everybody the party last Sunday was cancelled.  She is very, veeeery upset that one of our friends would do such a thing. I looked at her and said: “This is a no-brainer, isn’t it? Of course it must have been Devil?

“No, it actually wasn’t!” she rebuked

“What makes you think that?”

“He told me so! He was a victim here. He missed out on the party because of the email”

Everybody knows Mouse is a sucker for tall stories, and we often have her on. She believes everything and everybody. “C’mon, he is a devil after all. Do you believe him?”

“There we have it – you are clearly prejudiced towards devils. Just because he is a devil doesn’t make him a liar, does it? And yes, I believe him. He is my friend!”

“Oh no, not you too” I exclaimed resignedly “So who was it then?”

“I don’t know. But Devil told me he got the email and thought: Yes, rain is a good enough reason for her to cancel a party. After all, you cancelled the outing to the boat ramp because of rain!”

“Yes, but the party was in the house! Devil can’t be that thick!”

“That is besides the point. Someone has written an email to sabotage my hard work. I have worked my little heart out to pull off something really nice and on extremely short notice to boot. To be honest, I am terribly pissed off! So what are you going to do about it?”

Mouse jumped up. I have never seen her so agitated.

“I have to think about it. I don’t know who dunnit! I am at the end of my wits too if it wasn’t Devil!”

“I will leave it with you. And I want to see action, otherwise it was the last party I organised for you!” she said, and left without thanking me for the big juicy strawberry.

Sunny has the most amazing smile. He is footloose and fancy free, but there is one thing I can bet on: A few days after a party Sunny will show up. When all the tidying up is done, all the left-overs are in the freezer and the place looks spick and span. It’s time to relax on the deck with a G&T. And then here comes Sunny, on the prowl for a frozen doggy bag to take home as a cheap meal. Usually his mum cooks for him, but if he can score a good frozen meal somewhere he is quite happy to give her a day off and treat himself to something different.

“Not many puppets around last Sunday, were there?”  was his opening line. “Didn’t you get the email?” I asked and watched his reaction. “I don’t read emails!”  He shrugged his shoulders. “Do you write any?” I inquired further, as all of a sudden I thought he might have uninvited the others to score a bigger doggy bag. “It wasn’t me, if that’s what you mean”. This is so typical of Sunny. He doesn’t even know what I am talking about, but he is sure it wasn’t him. And yes, most of the time it is true, as he doesn’t do much at all.

Then he told me he had hoped I would finally introduce him to my dearest friend Chance. If he had asked me before, I could have told him Chance wouldn’t be there, as she is currently out of town on a marketing assignment together with Foxy Lady and Clown.

“The crowd was pretty boring, don’t you think?  Isn’t  it always the same?… These puppets are so predictable… Professor and Pig get plastered… and this pompous git Ducky! Give me a break”. He was thinking out loud.

“Stop right there” I intervened. “You are talking about my friends!” And you are not the most exciting puppet either, I thought to myself, but stopped short of saying it.

He sat down next to me: “Any chance of getting a G&T around here?”

Thank God I had been warned. My reader Rae had asked in a comment who had his hand on Pig’s ear in the photo posted in Good Times.  My sincere apologies, as a publisher of photos I honestly don’t want to put anybody in the poo. I am not a papparazzi. It was an honest oversight on my part. When I selected that photo I looked at the expressions on their faces and didn’t pay much attention to their hands. Big mistake! But in my defense…when you are out on the turps you just have to behave yourself so much more nowadays if you don’t want to see any compromising images of yourself on the internet. But in this case it is slightly different, as Professor has now got his knickers in a twist, because he saw something he shouldn’t have seen.

Sure enough, last night when I came home from work Professor was waiting on my doorstep. As I had an inkling about what he wanted, I just jumped in and said: “Great to see you, can you tell me again about this email?…” He looked at me and shook his head. “It is not all about you missy, you always do this to us!!! We visit you and the first thing you do, is telling us what’s on your mind! We might be little, but we have problems too!” He really worked himself up into a rage here. I immediately backed down, apologised and asked why he had come.

He wanted to see all the photos I had taken at the party. He is suspicious there is something going on between Pig and Sunny. His biggest fear is being cuckold. Pig and Professor have been together for as long as I can remember and what a fine couple they make. After all, they are the poster boys on my blog. So I listened to his lament and thought to myself: jealously is a more likely feeling. Knowing Sunny, tickling Pig certainly  means nothing to him. Sunny is just an air-head, always silly. I would say, if he had five fingers on his hand, he would have given Pig the ever so popular rabbit ears on this photo. (I only found out recently the annoying V sign people make on photos are supposed to be rabbit ears, not the peace sign.)

I had to get up at 6:30 this morning to run an errand. Not my time really, I can tell you. I am one of those nocturnal sorts. But it was a gorgeous morning… beautiful sunshine. Secretly I have to admit, once I am up I do like the feeling of the world waking up around me.

My errand took and hour and I thought nobody had noticed me going, but when I returned, Devil was sitting right next to the door waiting for me. I was surprised to see him, as he hadn’t shown up at the party. “C’mon,” he said in his sweetest voice, “this is the perfect day for an outing. You still have a little bit of time before you need to go to work so lets skip down to the boat ramp.” I didn’t dare say no after my experience last week. There was absolutely no excuse, except that I didn’t feel like it. So I had to give in.

Skipping he did indeed… all the way down to the ramp. He ran, and stopped waited for me and constantly hurried me along. I even thought I glimpsed a little smile on the way there. But boy, was he disappointed when we arrived at the ramp. It was the totally wrong time for a visit. The landing lay in the shade, the tide was out, the water limp and uneventful. He could hardly hide his disappointment. I couldn’t resist taking another pic. Between you and me,  I will keep this one in my wallet. It will be a good reminder for him when he is overdoing it again some time in future. “…Remember Devil, when you didn’t speak to me for a week?”

At least he will keep mum about it now. Give him a couple of days and we will be best mates again.

Yesterday was a Public Holiday. It is an unwritten law in New Zealand that Labour Day has to be spent in the garden to get your patch ready for summer – if it doesn’t rain. It rained again. I ignored the drizzle and did my little bit and tidied up around the driveway. So did Nosy Neighbour and of course he spotted me. He came across the street to have a chat. His chats consist mainly of telling me who had done something naughty in the street. So what did he complain about this time? My guests on Sunday night! Believe it or not, he didn’t like their singing in the wee hours. I on the other hand love their finish to a party. Push Push gets her ukulele out and everybody joins in.  Admittedly  it might sound better after a glass or two of wine, but it is not really necessary to call for the noise control officer.

“I would have called the police, if we had an officer!” Nosy Neighbour lamented.  I am not entering into an argument here. I thought, next time he can call the police. They will just laugh at him. They really have bigger issues to attend to than a little singalong in an otherwise quiet street… But a law enforcement officer would come in handy from time to time.

I went straight back into the house and started recruiting. And here he is, the newest member of the Dede Society: Bobby. He is still in finishing school, but as soon as he is out he has a job. The Dede beat is his.