Archives for posts with tag: imagination

cash cows question

You might have expected to see Mouse today, but the order of the candidates is pulled out of  a hat, so the next one up was Cash Cow.

Don’t be fooled by her droopy eyes and her circumstances that find her living in a garage. Cash Cow had a rather well received performance last week and if you care to listen, you will realise she still has a lot to offer, even though her udder ran dry.

Devil got up from his seat when Cash Cow appeared and greeted her with a kiss on her cheek. He then waited until she had settled on her seat before he sat down himself and read out the questions she has to answer:

1. If you could be something else, what would you rather be?

2. What is your biggest regret in life?

3. If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

Cash Cow sat quietly for a while. You could see her mulling the questions over in her mind and then finally she moved her rather large pink flower into position and started to speak:

“What would I like to be if I could be something else?” She asked into space “…I would like to be a fountain… To be precise, a fountain of knowledge. It is not so different from being a Cash Cow really, except I would attract a totally different audience, wouldn’t I? Puppets would come to me for my wisdom, not for the money they’d expect. As you know, I am dry… Yes, you can suck a Cash Cow dry – and once this fact was out in the open, my stream of visitors ebbed away as well. I don’t think this could happen to a fountain of knowledge.

“I have to disappoint you with the second question though, my dear. Regret is such a big word. Don’t get bogged down by it. I always live to have no regrets. So if you don’t mind, I will have to pass on this one.”

“With the last question, I have to disappoint you again… I don’t want to be greedy… I am happy with one wish and one wish only!” She paused and Devil looked at her expectantly.

“I would wish for all my future wishes to come true. If this one is granted the other two become obsolete and I could give them away, to someone who really needs them and uses them wisely”, she said with a sparkle in her eye. And it looked as if she was thinking of Pig who certainly would wish for a fridge full of beer. “Not everyone wishes sensibly!” she added after a short giggle.

How do you rate Cash Cow’s answers?

deutsch fraulein fridge

Philosopher raised his concerns yesterday that Deutsch Fraulein is missing the German pre-Christmas period. If you have ever visited Germany in  Advent, you will know what he is talking about. Christmas is the winter feast of warmth and comfort in the midst of cold and darkness. If you look past the commercial side of it, it is really something: The snow, the glittering lights in the dark, the spice filled air. The Germans are one lucky folk in that they don’t have Sunday trading yet (or at least they didn’t have it last time I was there). Sundays are still days of contemplation, particularly in winter when the body wants to go into hibernation.

Here Downunder we call the pre-Christmas time the ‘silly season’. I always thought it is because you have to go to an endless line-up of barbeques and office parties, which of course goes hand in hand with drinking copious amounts of alcohol and being silly.  I only recently found out ‘silly season’ is an historic newspaper term from the Northern Hemisphere and it describes the time of year when parliament is  in recess and the newspapers have to come up with other (less important) stories to fill their pages. Of course Christmas and the long summer holidays coincide here. And come to think of it in terms of newspapers, silly season is all year round here.

For me personally, Christmas in the sun has lost its meaning. It is totally debased and what is left is one gigantic commercial feast. Needless to say it passes me by. I am out in the sun enjoying life. Come next winter and the coldness, I am back contemplating.

But I do understand Deutsch Fraulein (German Girl). She reads all these German blogs and gets terrible cravings for a good solid Christmas. So I thought as consolation I will buy here a ‘Stollen’, which is a special German Christmas cake with marzipan in it. To keep it fresh I put it in the fridge. Somebody must have told her. Next time I looked in the fridge, there she was, attacking the Stollen with a fork. She was so keen she hadn’t even taken the plastic off. She obviously found the perfect dark and cold place and is now devouring the comfort food. I hope she doesn’t forget to contemplate and that she leaves a piece for me.

 

cash cow on stage

It wasn’t a surprise that Mouse‘s performance appeared to be slick and polished, she is a wonderful organiser  and a perfectionist. She needs to have the feeling of being in control. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had sweated over every single word and studied every single gesture of her gig since the finalists were announced. Yet the talk of the Dedes was her admission that she grew up in a caravan park. Mouse is known to be a gossip. It is hard to believe  she could have kept a secret like this from us. Not even I had known that fact. So I had to ask her whether it was really true. Without batting an eyelash she told me she was born under caravan no 17. Nobody knew… except for Socialite. Turns out Socialite was born in caravan no 17. Socialite of course doesn’t want to be reminded of her social origins, but faced with a direct question, she shamefacedly corroborated Mouse‘s story. She said she remembers the screaming and fighting of the Mouse family under the caravan all too well. She was constantly warned by her mother she will be sent to the Mouses if she doesn’t behave! What a deterrent!

“So what?” Mouse asked “it is out now! Does this make us lesser puppets?”

She asked this just as the next candidate, Cash Cow, squeezed past us on her way to the stage. We had to do a double take. The old girl had dressed up for the occasion and was wearing a huge pink flower on her chest. We all know Cash Cow is only rich in name, but she is a giver by nature. She would give the last shirt off her back, even though she would never admit it was her last one. We all looked to the stage in anticipation of  her speech.

“Yes, dears, my name is Cash Cow” she started and did an old fashioned, slightly awkward, curtsey.

“I want to say to my predecessor on this stage: It is not important where you come from – but what you make of it! And you, my dear Mouse, do a very fine job.” She bowed slightly towards the the backstage area where Mouse was standing.

“You might have heard, I live in a garage at the moment. That is all I can afford…. I don’t have to pay rent, but I still have to buy food and food is so expensive. But I’ll tell you, dears, it wasn’t always like this.” Her droopy eyes lit up.

“I was born to the manor, a very large estate just outside town. Oh, there were meadows as far as you could see and trees and lakes and bees and birds. It was just wonderful. Of course it wasn’t mine, but I felt rich. I had everything I could wish for. I had five beautiful little calves. Every year I had one and I gave them my everything. I wanted them to grow up feeling just as rich as I did. Unfortunately the farmer passed away and his heirs sold the land to a developer.

“I was so lucky… who wants to kill a Cash Cow? So I was moved on. Nobody noticed my udder was dry. But now that I live in the garage, my little ones… they are all grown up by now… never visit. Ah well, they have to find their own place in the world. Who knows where they are now, for all I know they could have gone to Australia. Maybe one day they will remember me…. If you see any of my kids, tell them I will be in my garage!

“Yes, dears, I don’t have money, but I am still rich! I have a roof over my head and I have you guys, my friends! And if someone wants to drop in on me, I will always have a glass of milk and a cookie for you. And if you could bring some time, that would be just wonderful… I can tell you some stories…

“Thank you.” She curtseyed again and shuffled off the stage.

“Boo” shouted Monkey “Boo. I could have done better!”

“Amateur” commented Smug Little Devil “What a fuddy-duddy. What’s with all those sob stories?”

“Ah shut up you guys” hissed Mouse “you are so not funny! Can’t you give some constructive criticism?”

What do you think about Cash Cow‘s performance?

 

mouse on stage-2

We were all a bit stunned by Pig‘s performance. Professor was busy going around telling everybody that it was Pig‘s first public speech. The jury is still out on this one. Some Dedes say it wasn’t really public – it was just amongst friends! He plainly isn’t up to it. Full stop! While others are sympathetic and say having everyone’s eyes on you, even all your friends’ eyes, can be terribly daunting. I am pretty sure, if Pig wouldn’t have such a pink complexion, we all could have seen him blush.

Pig made himself scarce and didn’t even come to watch his competition perform. Mouse was the next one up and she was the extreme opposite. She strode onto the stage with both her little mittens in the air calling “I love you all, I love you all”.

Even though she looked a winner, she couldn’t fool me…  If you know her as well as I do, you will have noticed her pitch was a tad too high and the pace a fraction too fast…  believe you me… she was shitting herself!

“Hi I am Mouse, but what am I telling you, you all know me” she started while she was pulling a box from behind the curtain. She smiled wryly into the darkness in front of her and sat down.

“I am just your ordinary puppet and I am not used to being in the limelight. But I thought this competition is a good way of connecting with you all again.

“My big aspiration in life is to get everybody playing nicely together. You know, when I was little our mom didn’t look after us well .” For the first time Mouse slowed down a little and she stared into the darkness as if she could see a movie.

“I grew up in a caravan park. Mom couldn’t to cope with her lot. She mostly screamed at us and said nasty things. Dad was absent!.. It was all too much for mom.” Mouse spoke those words more to herself than to the audience and stopped for a brief moment. Then she looked up and continued at her usual speed.  “So I took my four little siblings under my wing and made sure that they were safe. I love to care for others. I always did. And I am not afraid of work… You can throw anything at me. I just thrive on work. Give me instructions anytime and you can consider it done! But… please, please don’t ask me to be creative!” She laughed apologetically.

Then she got up from her box, bowed and blew some kisses into the crowd and added: “And thank you for voting for me. Your confidence means a lot to me! I won’t disappoint you. Promise!” With those words she disappeared behind the curtain.

“Boo!” called Monkey from the crowd “How boring. I could have done better!”

“Amateur” said Smug Little Devil. “She came across like a small town politician, didn’t she?”

Pig should have seen this. He could have learned a thing or two” commented Professor.

How do you rate Mouse?

pig on show

Yesterday was a rather strange day. There were a lot of unhappy puppets around, such as Monkey, who saw his dreams shattered to smithereens. He is a comedian and would have so loved to show off in the third part of competition. Foxy Lady is convinced she would have out-witted anybody in the second round and Snippedy, the clown, will have to come to terms that his mask doesn’t fool anybody. But that was yesterday… They will get over it and we have to go on with the show!

Last night most of the Dedes assembled in front of the make-shift stage and Devil, the MC, welcomed everybody. He explained again that any comment from readers during the competition will go in the draw for a signed copy of the Dede puppet book: Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need, I hand-craft myself. Then he went on to explain the format: This week the contestants will introduce themselves and every post will have a star rating attached. Devil pointed out the star rating is for the performance of the contestant, not the post! He also instructed me to include the first three comments from the Dede audience in the post.

And then he called Pig on stage.

It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. And there was Pig. It stood there and started sweating. Pig had stage fright. It just stood there frozen like a statue. It doesn’t say much at the best of times. We always thought it was because it hangs out with Professor and he does all the talking for both of them. But now it was obvious. Pig doesn’t have anything to say at all. Pig was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“Boo”, called Monkey from the audience “Boo. I could have done better…” But he was the only one. Everybody else sat there and felt sorry for Pig.

“No heckling, please” said Devil and put his arm around Pig who still just stood there.

“So then, contestant No 1. Why are you here?” Devil asked to get Pig going.

“Dunno. Professor put me forward” Pig answered, barely audible.

“But you must have signed the entry form” Devil pointed  out.

“Must have been drunk!”

“Just tell us something, anything… Where do you come from or is there anything special about you?”

Pig scratched behind his ear and stepped from one foot to the other.

“Well, we were five little piggies, the oldest went to the market. I had nothing. My mum, the sow, didn’t expect much from me anyway. Originally she wanted to call me Elvis, because I, I have Elvis Presley’s eyes. I think that is why I love to drink. Professor says I have beautiful eyes.” It all came out in one big convoluted sentence, but that was it. Pig was quiet again and looked nervously at Devil for approval.

Devil knew that was it, there was no more where this came from. Pig was dry. “Okay give our first contestant a big hand.” Devil said to the audience and clapped his hands. Pig saw his chance and took to his heels.

“Boo” called Monkey again

“Amateur” said Smug Little Devil

“Oh dear,” sighed the Professor “and I thought it would be character building for him”

Rate Pig‘s performance here:

finalists

First things first, you are certainly all sitting on the edge of your chairs wanting to find out who will compete in the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition.

Drum roll! Here are our finalists:

Pig and L’Artiste Dede scraped in with 12% of votes each, Cash Cow collected 15%, Mouse 17% and yes, Harvey gathered a whopping 23%. Who would have thought…. Certainly not me!

After the poll had closed, Devil, Detail and I discussed what had happened in the last week. Maybe due to the time of night – voting finished at midnight – we reached an agreement relatively quickly. We decided not to disqualify Harvey. The consensus was, if he is cunning enough to rope in a canvasser, good on him! Detail actually pinned the whole darn situation on me. She said, if I had kept my mouth shut and not talked to Mr XL about the election, the whole kerfuffle would have never happened. I basically gave Harvey a foothold. All he needed to do, was walk up to Mr XL right after I had left, play his heartstrings and ask him for help. I really should have known better….

“But, but…” I said.

Devil looked at me, shook his head and threw his arms in the air. “It doesn’t matter now… What happened, happened. And Harvey hasn’t won the competition yet. So far he has only managed to secure himself a place in the finals. Now he has to convince the audience with his performance and this will be far more difficult.

What’s next?

Detail explained how we will proceed. First, the finalists will give us a speech about themselves. Then they have to answer three questions and finally they will entertain us with their specific skills. After a lot of consultation Devil and Detail decided to allocate one post for each candidate and task.

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “This will take us up to Christmas!” I exclaimed.

“Yes, correct” Devil replied “but five candidates in one post would be far too much for anybody. No-one can take in that much information! The other Dedes want to have a chance to give their feedback too”

“It’s also easier for the ratings!” Detail explained the practicalities “each post has a star rating system attached, so that the readers can rate the individual performances.”

“We really would like the questions in the second week to come from our readers and in general it would be great if the audience participated” Devil said “but we need some sort of incentive…” All of a sudden they both turned to me.

“What?” I said. I had the feeling I was missing something.

“Couldn’t you be the sponsor of the competition?” Devil asked and Detail nodded eagerly.

“Meeee? Am I not supporting you enough? How can I sponsor you?”

“We’d thought you could offer a signed Hermit’s Web book. We could put all the names of the people who comment into a hat and at the finals we draw one name and that person wins the book.”

“I guess that would be better than a meat pack.” I replied.

“We even could rename the show to the ‘Zeitgeist Publishing Super Dede 2012’ competition” Detail suggested.

“Oh, no! c’mon!.. I will give you a signed ‘Hermit’s Web‘ book and I even will throw in two additional packets of Dede postcards (10 each). But don’t do any of the naming crap. That makes it sound so cheap.”

Prize draw

“Can I write it like this into the rule book?” Detail read out aloud what she was writing “The name of any commenter goes into the draw for a signed copy of the book: ‘Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need, I hand-craft myself“. The more comments you write the more you increase your chances. Second and third prize are one pack of ten Dede postcards each.”

“The wording might have to be fine-tuned, but yes, that is correct.” I said and packed up my things.

harvey running

I regret the day when I said to Mouse I will take over the administration of the poll. I did this out of the goodness of my heart, to help out a damsel in distress. I thought yeah, that is an easy job, I can do that! I will only have to look at the results and in the end announce the five finalists of the ‘Super Dede’ competition. Gee, did this turn into a real challenge or what? Now I am landed with a decision way outside my comfort zone….

Here is what has happened since yesterday:  Harvey has taken the lead! Even a blind man with a stick can see something fishy is going on here.

First I had to ask Mouse if there is a chance that Mr XL could have manipulated the outcome of the vote in a devious manner. Mouse said, even though she is not entirely techno savvy, she is far more confident on the computer than Mr XL. In her judgement he couldn’t have done it. The poll is set up for one vote per computer. It prevents anybody from sitting there for hours on end and voting for the same puppet over and over again.

Then I had to arrange a meeting with Mr XL to hear his side of the story.

Mr XL assures me he is innocent. He immediately admitted he was asked by Harvey to canvass for him. The rabbit came across as a nice and harmless looking chap, so Mr XL agreed. He rang all his family and friends and asked them to vote for Harvey as well. He only became a bit suspicious when he saw Harvey running up the road to the local betting agency, the TAB, with bundle of notes in his hand.

Mr XL is an ‘old-school’ man of honour. If he gives his word, he will keep it! He admitted he really would have liked to have voted for his soul-mate, Snippedy, the clown. But as he has wasted his vote (and the votes of  his family on Harvey, Snippedy is still sitting on his doughnut (o). Mr XL asked me if I could help him to set up a blog called ‘I am Mr XL’ on which he can defend his honour and explain to the world what happened. I had a hard time talking him out of it (honestly I am not making this up!)  I promised him I will tell my readers about his innocence and we will leave it at this… we won’t prosecute him (He is a human and we don’t have any jurisdiction over him anyway).

That leaves us to deal with Harvey and here I am at my wits end. It is the first time that we are running a show like this and I clearly hear Smug Little Devils‘ words ringing in my ears: “You are a bunch of amateurs!”

“Yes we are! But we tried our best” I only can say. The decision is still to be made whether to disqualify Harvey or not. I don’t want to make this call and I will put it to Devil and Detail, the organisers. They are of course interested in your opinion.

By the way, there was no official complaint about Mouse. Stepping down from the administration of the poll immediately made her a legitimate contender.

Please, if you haven’t voted yet, here is your last chance… The vote closes at midnight New Zealand time and the five final contestants of the competition will be officially announced tomorrow.

Thanks from an exhausted Poll-Administrator!

Now we have a real problem: I suspect Harvey of cheating! Can I say this so bluntly? I’ll tell you the story and ask for your opinion.

Yesterday I bumped into an old friend, I will call him Mr XL here.  Of course I told Mr XL about the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition and asked whether he has voted. Unfortunately I mentioned the poor loser Harvey, the rabbit with a gambling problem who doesn’t have any supporters at all. At the time I really felt sorry for Harvey, the poor little sod. I explained to my friend that Harvey got his name from a 1950s movie starring James Stewart, called ‘My friend Harvey’. In the film Harvey is actually a pooka, in the shape of a human sized rabbit who can only be seen by a Mr Elwood P Dowd. No, I didn’t see the film when it was first released! However,  Mr XL was very surprised he had never heard of the film even though he could have seen it then.

Strangely enough in the afternoon the votes for Harvey started to rise. He is now – would you believe it – number four! Being a pooka and a gambler I have my suspicions that Harvey went to see Mr XL after I’d left and made a deal with my friend. Knowing Mr XL, who is a real sucker for the underdog, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d agreed to skew the votes in Harvey‘s favour for a couple of beers on Friday night in the RSA or the pub. Ah, it is Friday today… Unfortunately I have a prior engagement tonight, but if anybody spots Harvey and Mr XL in the pub together tonight, I will disqualify Harvey on the spot.

What do you think?

In the meantime, here is the voting form again…

Mouse is unusually quiet at the moment. I know her well enough to know she is extremely hurt by Smug Little Devil’s comment she might have done something unethical. She is very proud of trying to see everybody’s point of view and doing the hard yards to get the best possible outcome for everybody. Sometimes I wonder where this little thing gets her energy from. She must run on some very special batteries. At the moment she behaves very much out of character: While she still does all her other chores, she has asked me to take over the poll. She doesn’t want to go near it.

After a good night sleep – with initially a bit more sobbing – Mouse resigned as administrator of the poll first thing yesterday  morning. It was a really good move, as there was a big surprise yesterday… While Mouse was fifth at the end of the first day… she is now level heading with Cash Cow in first place. It looks to me as if the readers are supporting Mouse and don’t have too much of a problem with her gaffe. My personal inkling is that it must have been an honest oversight.

We had an even bigger surprise… Push Push, the elephant who isn’t on list of candidates – got a vote with two exclamation marks!! So she must have one really strong supporter out there. It is even more astounding as her mug shot is also missing from the ‘Character’ page….What an oversight on my part! Thanks to the person who voted for her it came to light and I will fix it as soon as possible.

Understandably Push Push is dancing around the living room. Have you ever had an elephant doing a jig in your house? That is certainly something you don’t want to experience… I am worried the walls are coming down, but I can’t really ask her to stop…  I would do the same, if I were her.

To be honest I personally wondered why Push Push wasn’t on the list of candidates in the first place. She is such an accomplished performer and without doubt has much more of a presence than, let’s say, Harvey, the depressed gambler (who by the way still doesn’t have a single supporter).

Voting closes on Saturday, so we are half way through….

If you haven’t voted yet – Here is your chance: (The Dedes are getting more and more excited :)

I found Mouse crying in the kitchen last night. The floor was littered with used hankies. My first thought was: Oh dear, the poll isn’t going so well. Of course I had to ask her what the matter was.

“No, that’s not it, the poll’s going well” she sobbed. “We already have a distinct pattern.” She showed me the results of the first day.  Cash Cow has taken the lead, but it is still early days. Mouse‘s idea is to add the poll to every post this week, to make it easier for readers to vote.

Mouse continued: “I really appreciate the effort of our readers. Dianne for example, you know, Dianne Gray, the writer from Australia, it was her birthday and she just quit her day job and moved to the country side. She really has her hands full, but she still voted. Isn’t that great!”

“This is just wonderful, Mouse” I confirmed and gave her a hi-five “What a good job you did with setting up the poll!” Unexpectedly my words set her off again.  Looking at the results bamboozled me even more: At this stage Mouse ranks fifth together with Monkey, well ahead of Harvey or Snippedy. These two didn’t get any votes at all. How disheartening this must be. No vote from anybody.

“I honestly don’t get it” I said to her “you should be over the moon!”

She blew her nose and said as clearly as she could manage: “I overheard Smug Little Devil saying we are a bunch of amateurs”

I rolled my eyes “Don’t listen to him!” I advised, “He is just like that. He doesn’t mean it. ”

“Unfortunately he has a point” she started sniffling again “he said I shouldn’t be a candidate and in charge of the poll at the same time…. He said that is so, so, so.. bana….. ”  I couldn’t understand the rest of what she was saying. Her words merged seamlessly into a spasmodic sob attack.

Right!

I cuddled her and said she should go to bed, we would deal with it later. For now I will put the poll up as is. We have to find out who deals with these issues. There might not even be an official complaint yet.

In case you haven’t voted yet… Here are the candidates for the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition again. If you would like to see the result, click on the ‘View Result’ text link below the ‘Vote’ button.

A very biiiiiiiiiig thanks to everybody who has voted already…. It really is anonymous.