L’Artiste wanted to tag me and he had thought up some curly questions. Unfortunately I had to disappoint him and decline. I was busy sanding wooden window frames yesterday. Admittedly not one of my favorite past-times and therefore I wasn’t in the mood to answer anything last night. Thankfully I have a good excuse. The game they are currently playing is called “Tag-a-Dede” and I am not a Dede, or am I?
Socialite was a bit slow coming up with questions and telling us who she wants to tag. We should have guessed, really. She was after L’Artiste. She had been so keen on interviewing him ever since his film “Life of an Artist” was posted. This time she got lucky. It took her a while to find him, though, to present him the questions. But then he couldn’t hide forever.
1.Why are you an artist?
L’Artiste: I think I have answered this question before. I just am, there is no reason for it!
2. What would you be if you weren’t an artist?
L’Artiste: Dead!
3. What would you consider a must read for every artist?
L’Artiste: “Josephine the singer, or the mouse folk” by Kafka. I only read it recently when the blogger Eva-d recommended it after I had released my film. It deals with the perception of the arts by the audience and the artist. It made me think a lot.
4. What was the most intriguing piece of information you have heard lately, not sourced from the internet?
L’Artiste: I read a very interesting article about fraternal polyandry in a Western Chinese province.
Socialite: You’ll have to explain that.
L’Artiste: No, I only have to answer the question! And I think I have.
5. What are you currently working on?
L’Artiste: On a “Stair spirit” for the new stairs we will have in the house soon. It is sort of like the Saints that were placed at bridges to ensure a safe journey across. My one will of course look totally different, but has the same function.
We were very suprised that Witch wanted to tag Socialite. It is an open secret: there is no love lost between the two of them. Socialite is an outgoing champagne kind of gal, while Witch is a staunch teetotaller who loves to stay at home. There are worlds between them. Anyway, Witch presented the questions to her nemisis. And Socialite jumped right into answering them.
1. Describe yourself in three words?
Socialite: I am outgoing, it is easy for me to make friends and I have a great fashion sense. I know what’s hot.
“Three words” Witch reminded her.
Socialite: Mhm outgoing, driven, sharp and gorgeous of course.
2. What don’t you like about yourself?
Socialite: I like myself. There is nothing that needs changing. Oh, my big nose maybe. Yes, definitely my big nose. One day, I will fix it.
3. What would you save if your house was on fire?
Socialite: That is not difficult. My big collection of lip sticks. I feel naked without my lippy. I wouldn’t go anywhere without it.
4. What is your biggest dream?
Socialite: I want to do something really, really big. Something I will be remembered for forever. What exactly… I don’t know yet, but it will come to me!
5. If you would volunteer, what organisation or job would you choose?
Socialite: This question isn’t fair! I don’t have the time to volunteer right now, so I haven’t really thought about it. Sure, I will do it one day. But I know already I couldn’t volunteer in an old peoples home. This really would depress me. Nor could I help out in an animal shelter where it stinks. Help migrants settle maybe? No, I am not patient enough. That rules out anything with kids as well. What a silly question! I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.
Socialite couldn’t wait for her turn and Witch went away to think of some questions. By the time I left she hadn’t come back.
“Tell me,” Socialite asked nobody in particular, “does Witch really think she is good looking?” As there was no response from anybody she answered for herself. “No, she must have been joking. She has a crooked nose with a big wart on it and she is all wrinkly. No, she can’t have been serious.”
“I think for her age she scrubs up nicely” Mouse said now.
“But Mouse, we don’t know how old she is!” Socialite replied.
“But you can see she has life experience. I love the look of her wrinkles. They are witness to a life spend laughing rather than crying. I want to look like her when I am old” Mouse continued.
“No way” Socialite waved the idea aside. “Who wants to be old? Of all people, a witch really doesn’t need to be old. With her magical powers and potions she could make herself look stunning and young!”
“If she wanted to, maybe, “Devil chipped in. “But after all she is a witch. If she looked too young would anybody take her seriously as witch? It is her trademark after all, isn’t it? Maybe she is too coy to tell us her age because she is much younger than we all assume!”
“Now you are getting silly!” Socialite said angrily. She was sure Devil was taking the mickey out of her now.
The Dedes were very upset that I brushed them off on Friday night. Quicker than I had anticipated, they re-instated Devil as their spokesperson. It was a unanimous decision, mainly because nobody else wanted to do the job and Devil wasn’t really that serious about handing in his resignation. Secretly, he was chuffed everybody voted to have him back in the job.
Being earnest about his new, old, position he came straight to me and aired the concern that bothered everyone. “Have you fallen out of love with us?” he asked outright.
“Of course not!” I said. It must have sounded pretty lame, rather like I wanted to fob him off again.
“But why are you not writing about us then? There is still stuff happening in the Dede world. You simply don’t report about us anymore! When we look at the blog there are only photos of things we don’t even recognise. I don’t know how many times I have to remind you, it is our blog and it is your obligation to write about us. At least that is what our contract says, or am I wrong?”
“Devil, we never signed a contract!”
“Ah well, naming the blog dedepuppets.com is as good as a contract!”
“I agree, it is your blog and yes, it has your name.”
“So, do your job then. I’ll watch you!” he said and turned away ready to leave.
“Hang on, hang on…” I said. I wanted to ask him what they would do if I don’t comply. Are they going to find themselves a new artist? Tough luck. Let’s face it, the Dedes and I are linked, come hell or high water. I have to admit, at the moment I am sick of these demanding little critters who can see only their own perspective. Oh, I would so like to give them a piece of my mind for a change, but I bit my tongue.
“Look Devil,” I said instead, “I am a bit pre-occupied with building stuff at the moment. It won’t be forever. To be honest, I would rather write nothing about you than crap. If I write rubbish, that won’t help your cause either. You do understand, don’t you?”
He looked at me for a while. I could tell it made sense to him but he was in a bind. He needed to go back to the rest of the Dedes with a more positive answer.
“Okay” he said at last. “I have an idea. Let’s have a week of ‘tag-a-Dede'”
“What is that?” I asked.
“You ask a Dede of your choice 5 questions and the Dede has to answer it as honestly as possible! That would mean we are running the show and you don’t have anything to do with it. Mouse can help us putting the answers up on the blog. She is good at that.”
“That is such a brilliant idea!” I could have hugged Devil but he is not the huggy type. I was so relieved he came up with a solution that meant less work for me for a change.
‘I can make a start and tag Witch tomorrow. I always wanted to ask the old girl a few things.” Devil was really excited about his idea. “I have to come up with 5 really good questions. Maybe some of our readers want to help me! So if you have a question for Witch, our health freak, let me know.”
I knew it, I knew it. I am in trouble with the Dedes again. They constantly watch whether I spend enough time on their cause. I think I finally figured out what their ultimate goal is. Even if they would never admit it, they want is to be famous…. at any price.
Of course they are annoyed that I put my photographs on their blog for a week and worse, these photographs got more likes than their stories usually get. For them it is pretty simple. They blame me for everything. They say I am not representing them in the right light and I am currently neglecting them. I am far too busy with other things and I don’t spend enough time with them.
My experience tells me it’s futile to try to defend myself. Once an idea has taken hold in their minds it is a hard task to change their opinion.
Last night they all had a go at me again. I can tell you, it was the last thing I needed at the end of the week. I told them they need to organise themselves better and not rely entirely on me. If they have something to say, they should send their spokesperson.
You might remember Devil has resigned from the spokesperson’s position. So with this move I bought myself some time. They first have to fill the position before they can approach me again. Knowing how the Dedes run their meetings I can relax for a while. I guess nothing will happen until next weekend :)
Who is going to tell Sunny that we are not using his project as is. Certainly not me. I am a wimp when it comes to such talks. Thankfully I have a good excuse. I am not even a Dede. If I told him he could view the decision as oppression and blame me, the outsider, for his woes of being turned down yet again rather than taking in the real reservations we all have with his proposal after Minor’s revelation yesterday. No, one of the Dedes has to tell him and let him down softly.
I asked for volunteers and waited for a bit but nobody held their hand up for this certainly ungrateful job. Devil just shook his head when I looked at him. “I resigned from my job as spokesperson, remember? I gave you the letter” he said.
“And I’ve never officially accepted it!” I reminded him.
“You took it and said you will get back to me after the weekend. You never did.”
“Guys, guys, what is it with you two?” Witch interrupted. “It’s not helping. This is a totally different issue and won’t get us anywhere today!”
“I just wish he understood what it means to be an artist” L’Artiste started now. “He doesn’t get that while you can use bits of existing work you have to bring your own in and develop it further. He is such a me-too guy. It drives me bonkers!”
“Do you want to talk to him, artist to artist?” I immediately asked.
“No, he wouldn’t take it from me. He would discard my words as sour grapes, as though I was envious I didn’t come up with this ‘brilliant’ project.”
“Why don’t we all talk to him then he has to accept we all agree on it.”
“Yes, and have him feel like standing before a tribunal? This is a sure recipe for disaster…”
“Minor should tell him. After all she knows the entire background. And it was her who alerted us to his ruse.”
“C’mon she is only a teenager. Do you think he will take the message from her?” Detail stepped protectively in front of her daughter.
“I don’t know what the big deal is” Philosopher finally said. “I’ll do it. It’s not that we want to scrap the project entirely. We just have to strip it back and assemble it differently, don’t we? I personally like the beginning with everybody sitting on the stands. It goes right back to our roots as NO BODIES. When you look at the image posted yesterday your expressions are just gorgeous. Can’t we work along these lines? We just need a mentor who can help Sunny develop it into his own style.”
“Agreed” I said quickly before he could change his mind. “You just proved you would be the perfect mentor!”
“But I know the least about art.” Philosopher pointed out.
“Art is Sunny’s job. You only have to keep him on track.”
Right after breakfast yesterday we went into the studio. Sunny took charge and explained again what he wanted to do. First all the puppets will sit on their stands for 15 seconds and then they all put their robes on and dance like there is no tomorrow for 15 seconds. It sounded like great fun and there were plenty of volunteers who wanted to take part, more than could fit on the tiny little stage. In the end we cast a lot to make it fair for all.
Like Socialite had anticipated, the entire thing was done and dusted in an hour or so. Work with the Dedes was never easier. Sunny was a fantastic lead character and he danced his little heart out to music only he could hear. The trouble started when I put everything together in a video editing program and I needed some real background music. Sunny of course had thought of this too and he gave me a file to use. But, oh dear, most of the others didn’t like his choice at all. It was some sort of techno or hip hop stuff which most of Dedes are no big fans of . Someone suggested using something more melodic that you can really dance to. Something that suited the majority of the Dedes.
“This is not a film by committee.” Sunny put his foot down. “I am the artistic director and this is my choice. So keep your noses out of it!” he insisted. He added I had no choice in the matter. Either I use this piece of music or he would withdraw the project altogether. Not the thing you want to happen after you have spent an hour in the studio already. But there was definitely no room for negotiation. To prove his point Sunny left the room.
Minor, who was sitting in the corner pretending she wasn’t interested in the goings-on finally spoke up. “You know what he is trying to do?” she asked.
“Yes, he is trying to bully me into using some music that most of Dedes don’t like!” I said very disappointed.
“What planet are you living on?” She rolled her eyes. “No, he is trying to make you do a Harlem Shake video!?”
“A what?” I asked, as I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. I looked around for help but only saw blank faces.
“Oh gee” she said and came over to push me away from the keyboard. “You oldies really have no idea what’s going on in the big wide world yet you believe we teenagers live in a world of our own. That is so rich!” She loaded a page on Wikipedia and explained to all of us that Harlem Shake is an internet meme that started in the beginning of February this year and peaked by the end of the same month. According to Wikipedia, within a fortnight of the original upload forty thousand similar videos had been made and uploaded by individuals from all over the world. All in the same format that Sunny had suggested! After forty days the videos hit the one billion viewing mark. And according to Youtube the world had spent roughly 2,782 years watching Harlem Shake videos in this one month. She showed us a couple of examples, each of them 30 seconds long with the same music Sunny had suggested. I was speechless!
“The only artistic input from Sunny really is that usually the participants drop some of their clothing in the second part, while the Dedes put theirs on. So most of the videos have sexual connotations. Mum wouldn’t like me to watch them” she added. “But there are some really funny ones. The Simpsons have done one, there is an underwater one, one by some soldiers in the Norwegian army, and plenty of washing machine to choose from. You name it… even advertising agencies are jumping on the bandwagon. And you know once this happens you really are too late. Let me tell you guys, you’ve missed this train!”
She went back into her corner shaking her head in disbelief.
Now what?
Socialite takes her new job seriously and was reading the first scripts last night. This morning she arrived all chirpy at the breakfast table. “I have one brilliant contender already” she said. “It was handed in by Sunny.”
Just to recap, Sunny is a wanna-be artist who tries very hard to come up with something he will be noticed for. He last featured on this blog when he ripped-off the artwork of ArtistatExit0. Back then I was very cross with him, but now all is forgiven and forgotten as in this process he created our dearly loved mascot Lil’ Sculpture, who sits on the bookshelf watching what the Dedes do.
Socialite continued with her account. “Honestly, this script meets all the criteria. It is very short and everybody who wants to can take part.”
“Is it fun?” asked Alien
“Yes”
“Is it artisic?” asked L’Artiste
“Yes, this too”
“Is it meaningful?” asked Philosopher
“Definitely”
“So tell us the storyline then” I invited her.
She told us the whole thing can be shot in a couple of hours. It starts off with the Dedes sitting in-animate on their stands except for Sunny dancing around everybody. His dancing is so infectious that after a short time all the Dedes are dancing like mad. And that is it.
“It is so simple and says it all” she explained. “Life is drudgery until someone comes along and rips you out of your dullness!”
“Oh dear, you are two months too late” said Minor, the sloppy teenage daughter of Detail. We all looked at her. But she said no more, her eyes glued to her breakfast bowl she continued eating. That made us think she wasn’t actually talking to us and was in her own little world as usual.
“I think it has merit!” I said. “Sunny has done a fine job coming up with this one. If you are all okay, lets give it a go after breakfast!”
You should have seen how quickly they all finished their muesli.
In typical Dede fashion all the puppets have ideas about what we should do next. So we have around 46 new ideas and everyone is convinced their idea will be an absolute hit. There seems to be a common theme though. They all want to do more films! However, with the precedence L’Artiste set, they all want to feature in their own little films.
L’Artiste of course wants to do another art film, not necessarily a sequel to “Life of an artist” but one where he is the star again and shown in a better light. Devil would like to re-enact what happened at my work this week. Obviously I have been complaining a bit too much at the dinner table. He believes what I have been through all week offers the perfect material for a drama/comedy and the main character would be tailor-made for him. Witch is very keen on doing a cooking show as they are so popular on TV. Her cooking show will of course be totally different as it will promote a healthy lifestyle. And she believes I owe her one since I totally neglect her on the blog.
I of course curse the day when I opened pandora’s box. This morning at breakfast I told them they should put forward their ideas in writing. Socialite volunteered to be my assistant and help vet the scripts. Of course scripts that feature several puppets will have a better chance than those that only feature one. I explained: “Do your math, guys, if everybody got their own film, and it takes at least a weekend to complete one, we would need a year.” I had barely finished when they all ran off to look for pencils and paper and find themselves a quiet space in the house.
“It’s not a competition and speed is not the essence,” I added, but they were all gone already.
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