Archives for the month of: December, 2012
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Last but not least: L’Artiste

December 7, 2012 //
5

Lartiste on stage

The audience had fits of laughter at the end of Harvey‘s speech, as if it had been the most hilarious comedy show. I am not entirely sure whether they were laughing about the rabbit’s crude innuendoes and thought it was a big, big joke, or the faux pas of Mouse and Socialite. Mouse  was simply so eager to get her comment in, that she actually hadn’t taken in what was said. When Foxy Lady enlightened her by pointing out what she had cheered for, she turned instantly red. Fire-engine red to be precise. Dede puppets usually don’t change colour, but you can believe me, she did. I have never seen her so embarrassed and she quickly disappeared out the door and into the darkness.

Harvey couldn’t quite make out why everyone was laughing either, but he obviously took it as a good sign. He walked up to Socialite, gave her a big hug and sloppy kiss on the cheek as thank you for her support. Socialite giggled, but was clearly uncomfortable.  Harvey didn’t notice, he was chuffed he had found a new best mate.

Finally, L’Artiste, the last of the competitors ambled onto the stage. Rather than the standard black robe, he wore a colourful outfit –  just to be different. He stood there for a couple of moments and enjoyed the admiring glances from all the puppets. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d started a new fashion trend with his gown and tomorrow everybody will be wearing a similar rag.

“I will make it short and sweet” he began in his deep and relaxing voice “I am L’Artiste Dede. I do my own thing! If you know me a little, you know how much I love my reclusive lifestyle. I am certainly not one to join the crowd. To be honest, I hate it all… I detest reality and talent shows with every fibre of my being. On the other hand I am open minded and naturally curious and I am always good for new experiences. I strongly believe the foundation of all judgements should be your own experience…

“I signed up more or less as a joke and I am very surprised I got in. I thought there were other contenders that have much more of a chance than I have. But now, here I am – and I will go through with it. Que sera sera. But should I win, I certainly won’t write it on my CV – I might turn my thoughts into some sort of artwork though.”

He briefly lifted his hand  “Salute! And thank you for your attention” and with those words he loafed off again.

The Dedes looked at each other and didn’t know what to make of it.

“Bold” said Smug Little Devil after an extended pause and because nobody else said anything. The others looked at him and nodded in agreement.

Only Monkey said, “rubbish, he should have moved aside and let me have a go!”

What do you think about L’Artiste’s performance?

 

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Categories Art, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life

Harvey’s gig

December 6, 2012 //
4

harvey speaking

Mouse asked me not to report what Monkey and Smug Little Devil say when the contestants leave the stage, as they invariably say the same thing to everyone. But I reminded her that Devil had instructed me implicitly to write down the first three comments from the Dede audience. And I am a truthful reporter! I do my job well. She went off to look for Devil to complain, but couldn’t find him. So she devised Plan B and this was simply to out-smart the two boys by getting her comment in first after the next contestant. She also convinced Socialite to do the same. They choose a short, yet supportive remark, and practiced for a bit  to get it out quickly.

The next contestant was Harvey the rabbit. He bounced onto the stage with youthful energy: “Hi, I am Harvey. Thanks guys for all your votes. A big thank you goes to Mr XL in particular for his great work as campaign manager. Unfortunately I had to sack him right after the election as he couldn’t find me a speech writer. Ah well, I listened to the earlier contestants and decided I can write my own speech. Easy-peasy! It can’t be too difficult to beat what we have heard and seen so far.” He laughed heartily at his own joke and plonked himself down on the edge of the stage.

“I bet we have a mostly youngish audience out there in the big wide world, so I won’t bore you with any family crap. I don’t know how many siblings I have nor how many kids for that matter. After all I am a rabbit. I live for the here and now, and for the big day when I win the lottery. In the meantime all I want to have, is fun…. And ladies, you are lucky, I am not married yet! Yes, all you lasses out there, look at at me: This handsome young buck is still available… I am a really nice guy.  I have a good sense of humour, I am easy going and, most importantly, I am not particularly demanding.  Yes, it is time to settle but I am still looking for the right sheila, bird, lass what ever you want to call ’em. Doctor says I should eat more rabbit food, so it would be good if the sheila could cook. I am eating far too many burgers. I know that it’s not really the best diet, but there is some salad in it, isn’t there?

“Apart from this, I want her to be fun-loving too and, please, none of this deep and meaningful stuff. Life is far too short.

“Looking forward to your questions next week, laaaayydiiiies! And this is all from me for now…”  With those words he hopped off the stage straight into the audience.

“Bravo” called Mouse

“Brilliant” shouted Socialite

“You can’t be serious” commented Foxy Lady “I must be in the wrong film”

What did you think of Harvey?

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Categories Art, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, Relationships

Spot light on Cash Cow

December 5, 2012 //
9

cash cow on stage

It wasn’t a surprise that Mouse‘s performance appeared to be slick and polished, she is a wonderful organiser  and a perfectionist. She needs to have the feeling of being in control. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had sweated over every single word and studied every single gesture of her gig since the finalists were announced. Yet the talk of the Dedes was her admission that she grew up in a caravan park. Mouse is known to be a gossip. It is hard to believe  she could have kept a secret like this from us. Not even I had known that fact. So I had to ask her whether it was really true. Without batting an eyelash she told me she was born under caravan no 17. Nobody knew… except for Socialite. Turns out Socialite was born in caravan no 17. Socialite of course doesn’t want to be reminded of her social origins, but faced with a direct question, she shamefacedly corroborated Mouse‘s story. She said she remembers the screaming and fighting of the Mouse family under the caravan all too well. She was constantly warned by her mother she will be sent to the Mouses if she doesn’t behave! What a deterrent!

“So what?” Mouse asked “it is out now! Does this make us lesser puppets?”

She asked this just as the next candidate, Cash Cow, squeezed past us on her way to the stage. We had to do a double take. The old girl had dressed up for the occasion and was wearing a huge pink flower on her chest. We all know Cash Cow is only rich in name, but she is a giver by nature. She would give the last shirt off her back, even though she would never admit it was her last one. We all looked to the stage in anticipation of  her speech.

“Yes, dears, my name is Cash Cow” she started and did an old fashioned, slightly awkward, curtsey.

“I want to say to my predecessor on this stage: It is not important where you come from – but what you make of it! And you, my dear Mouse, do a very fine job.” She bowed slightly towards the the backstage area where Mouse was standing.

“You might have heard, I live in a garage at the moment. That is all I can afford…. I don’t have to pay rent, but I still have to buy food and food is so expensive. But I’ll tell you, dears, it wasn’t always like this.” Her droopy eyes lit up.

“I was born to the manor, a very large estate just outside town. Oh, there were meadows as far as you could see and trees and lakes and bees and birds. It was just wonderful. Of course it wasn’t mine, but I felt rich. I had everything I could wish for. I had five beautiful little calves. Every year I had one and I gave them my everything. I wanted them to grow up feeling just as rich as I did. Unfortunately the farmer passed away and his heirs sold the land to a developer.

“I was so lucky… who wants to kill a Cash Cow? So I was moved on. Nobody noticed my udder was dry. But now that I live in the garage, my little ones… they are all grown up by now… never visit. Ah well, they have to find their own place in the world. Who knows where they are now, for all I know they could have gone to Australia. Maybe one day they will remember me…. If you see any of my kids, tell them I will be in my garage!

“Yes, dears, I don’t have money, but I am still rich! I have a roof over my head and I have you guys, my friends! And if someone wants to drop in on me, I will always have a glass of milk and a cookie for you. And if you could bring some time, that would be just wonderful… I can tell you some stories…

“Thank you.” She curtseyed again and shuffled off the stage.

“Boo” shouted Monkey “Boo. I could have done better!”

“Amateur” commented Smug Little Devil “What a fuddy-duddy. What’s with all those sob stories?”

“Ah shut up you guys” hissed Mouse “you are so not funny! Can’t you give some constructive criticism?”

What do you think about Cash Cow‘s performance?

 

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Categories Art, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life

Mouse’s turn

December 4, 2012 //
2

mouse on stage-2

We were all a bit stunned by Pig‘s performance. Professor was busy going around telling everybody that it was Pig‘s first public speech. The jury is still out on this one. Some Dedes say it wasn’t really public – it was just amongst friends! He plainly isn’t up to it. Full stop! While others are sympathetic and say having everyone’s eyes on you, even all your friends’ eyes, can be terribly daunting. I am pretty sure, if Pig wouldn’t have such a pink complexion, we all could have seen him blush.

Pig made himself scarce and didn’t even come to watch his competition perform. Mouse was the next one up and she was the extreme opposite. She strode onto the stage with both her little mittens in the air calling “I love you all, I love you all”.

Even though she looked a winner, she couldn’t fool me…  If you know her as well as I do, you will have noticed her pitch was a tad too high and the pace a fraction too fast…  believe you me… she was shitting herself!

“Hi I am Mouse, but what am I telling you, you all know me” she started while she was pulling a box from behind the curtain. She smiled wryly into the darkness in front of her and sat down.

“I am just your ordinary puppet and I am not used to being in the limelight. But I thought this competition is a good way of connecting with you all again.

“My big aspiration in life is to get everybody playing nicely together. You know, when I was little our mom didn’t look after us well .” For the first time Mouse slowed down a little and she stared into the darkness as if she could see a movie.

“I grew up in a caravan park. Mom couldn’t to cope with her lot. She mostly screamed at us and said nasty things. Dad was absent!.. It was all too much for mom.” Mouse spoke those words more to herself than to the audience and stopped for a brief moment. Then she looked up and continued at her usual speed.  “So I took my four little siblings under my wing and made sure that they were safe. I love to care for others. I always did. And I am not afraid of work… You can throw anything at me. I just thrive on work. Give me instructions anytime and you can consider it done! But… please, please don’t ask me to be creative!” She laughed apologetically.

Then she got up from her box, bowed and blew some kisses into the crowd and added: “And thank you for voting for me. Your confidence means a lot to me! I won’t disappoint you. Promise!” With those words she disappeared behind the curtain.

“Boo!” called Monkey from the crowd “How boring. I could have done better!”

“Amateur” said Smug Little Devil. “She came across like a small town politician, didn’t she?”

“Pig should have seen this. He could have learned a thing or two” commented Professor.

How do you rate Mouse?

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Categories Art, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life

First up: Pig

December 3, 2012 //
2

pig on show

Yesterday was a rather strange day. There were a lot of unhappy puppets around, such as Monkey, who saw his dreams shattered to smithereens. He is a comedian and would have so loved to show off in the third part of competition. Foxy Lady is convinced she would have out-witted anybody in the second round and Snippedy, the clown, will have to come to terms that his mask doesn’t fool anybody. But that was yesterday… They will get over it and we have to go on with the show!

Last night most of the Dedes assembled in front of the make-shift stage and Devil, the MC, welcomed everybody. He explained again that any comment from readers during the competition will go in the draw for a signed copy of the Dede puppet book: Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need, I hand-craft myself. Then he went on to explain the format: This week the contestants will introduce themselves and every post will have a star rating attached. Devil pointed out the star rating is for the performance of the contestant, not the post! He also instructed me to include the first three comments from the Dede audience in the post.

And then he called Pig on stage.

It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. And there was Pig. It stood there and started sweating. Pig had stage fright. It just stood there frozen like a statue. It doesn’t say much at the best of times. We always thought it was because it hangs out with Professor and he does all the talking for both of them. But now it was obvious. Pig doesn’t have anything to say at all. Pig was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“Boo”, called Monkey from the audience “Boo. I could have done better…” But he was the only one. Everybody else sat there and felt sorry for Pig.

“No heckling, please” said Devil and put his arm around Pig who still just stood there.

“So then, contestant No 1. Why are you here?” Devil asked to get Pig going.

“Dunno. Professor put me forward” Pig answered, barely audible.

“But you must have signed the entry form” Devil pointed  out.

“Must have been drunk!”

“Just tell us something, anything… Where do you come from or is there anything special about you?”

Pig scratched behind his ear and stepped from one foot to the other.

“Well, we were five little piggies, the oldest went to the market. I had nothing. My mum, the sow, didn’t expect much from me anyway. Originally she wanted to call me Elvis, because I, I have Elvis Presley’s eyes. I think that is why I love to drink. Professor says I have beautiful eyes.” It all came out in one big convoluted sentence, but that was it. Pig was quiet again and looked nervously at Devil for approval.

Devil knew that was it, there was no more where this came from. Pig was dry. “Okay give our first contestant a big hand.” Devil said to the audience and clapped his hands. Pig saw his chance and took to his heels.

“Boo” called Monkey again

“Amateur” said Smug Little Devil

“Oh dear,” sighed the Professor “and I thought it would be character building for him”

Rate Pig‘s performance here:

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The audience has spoken…

December 2, 2012 //
2

finalists

First things first, you are certainly all sitting on the edge of your chairs wanting to find out who will compete in the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition.

Drum roll! Here are our finalists:

Pig and L’Artiste Dede scraped in with 12% of votes each, Cash Cow collected 15%, Mouse 17% and yes, Harvey gathered a whopping 23%. Who would have thought…. Certainly not me!

After the poll had closed, Devil, Detail and I discussed what had happened in the last week. Maybe due to the time of night – voting finished at midnight – we reached an agreement relatively quickly. We decided not to disqualify Harvey. The consensus was, if he is cunning enough to rope in a canvasser, good on him! Detail actually pinned the whole darn situation on me. She said, if I had kept my mouth shut and not talked to Mr XL about the election, the whole kerfuffle would have never happened. I basically gave Harvey a foothold. All he needed to do, was walk up to Mr XL right after I had left, play his heartstrings and ask him for help. I really should have known better….

“But, but…” I said.

Devil looked at me, shook his head and threw his arms in the air. “It doesn’t matter now… What happened, happened. And Harvey hasn’t won the competition yet. So far he has only managed to secure himself a place in the finals. Now he has to convince the audience with his performance and this will be far more difficult.

What’s next?

Detail explained how we will proceed. First, the finalists will give us a speech about themselves. Then they have to answer three questions and finally they will entertain us with their specific skills. After a lot of consultation Devil and Detail decided to allocate one post for each candidate and task.

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “This will take us up to Christmas!” I exclaimed.

“Yes, correct” Devil replied “but five candidates in one post would be far too much for anybody. No-one can take in that much information! The other Dedes want to have a chance to give their feedback too”

“It’s also easier for the ratings!” Detail explained the practicalities “each post has a star rating system attached, so that the readers can rate the individual performances.”

“We really would like the questions in the second week to come from our readers and in general it would be great if the audience participated” Devil said “but we need some sort of incentive…” All of a sudden they both turned to me.

“What?” I said. I had the feeling I was missing something.

“Couldn’t you be the sponsor of the competition?” Devil asked and Detail nodded eagerly.

“Meeee? Am I not supporting you enough? How can I sponsor you?”

“We’d thought you could offer a signed Hermit’s Web book. We could put all the names of the people who comment into a hat and at the finals we draw one name and that person wins the book.”

“I guess that would be better than a meat pack.” I replied.

“We even could rename the show to the ‘Zeitgeist Publishing Super Dede 2012’ competition” Detail suggested.

“Oh, no! c’mon!.. I will give you a signed ‘Hermit’s Web‘ book and I even will throw in two additional packets of Dede postcards (10 each). But don’t do any of the naming crap. That makes it sound so cheap.”

Prize draw

“Can I write it like this into the rule book?” Detail read out aloud what she was writing “The name of any commenter goes into the draw for a signed copy of the book: ‘Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need, I hand-craft myself“. The more comments you write the more you increase your chances. Second and third prize are one pack of ten Dede postcards each.”

“The wording might have to be fine-tuned, but yes, that is correct.” I said and packed up my things.

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Categories Art, Books, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life

Last chance to vote!

December 1, 2012 //
2

harvey running

I regret the day when I said to Mouse I will take over the administration of the poll. I did this out of the goodness of my heart, to help out a damsel in distress. I thought yeah, that is an easy job, I can do that! I will only have to look at the results and in the end announce the five finalists of the ‘Super Dede’ competition. Gee, did this turn into a real challenge or what? Now I am landed with a decision way outside my comfort zone….

Here is what has happened since yesterday:  Harvey has taken the lead! Even a blind man with a stick can see something fishy is going on here.

First I had to ask Mouse if there is a chance that Mr XL could have manipulated the outcome of the vote in a devious manner. Mouse said, even though she is not entirely techno savvy, she is far more confident on the computer than Mr XL. In her judgement he couldn’t have done it. The poll is set up for one vote per computer. It prevents anybody from sitting there for hours on end and voting for the same puppet over and over again.

Then I had to arrange a meeting with Mr XL to hear his side of the story.

Mr XL assures me he is innocent. He immediately admitted he was asked by Harvey to canvass for him. The rabbit came across as a nice and harmless looking chap, so Mr XL agreed. He rang all his family and friends and asked them to vote for Harvey as well. He only became a bit suspicious when he saw Harvey running up the road to the local betting agency, the TAB, with bundle of notes in his hand.

Mr XL is an ‘old-school’ man of honour. If he gives his word, he will keep it! He admitted he really would have liked to have voted for his soul-mate, Snippedy, the clown. But as he has wasted his vote (and the votes of  his family on Harvey, Snippedy is still sitting on his doughnut (o). Mr XL asked me if I could help him to set up a blog called ‘I am Mr XL’ on which he can defend his honour and explain to the world what happened. I had a hard time talking him out of it (honestly I am not making this up!)  I promised him I will tell my readers about his innocence and we will leave it at this… we won’t prosecute him (He is a human and we don’t have any jurisdiction over him anyway).

That leaves us to deal with Harvey and here I am at my wits end. It is the first time that we are running a show like this and I clearly hear Smug Little Devils‘ words ringing in my ears: “You are a bunch of amateurs!”

“Yes we are! But we tried our best” I only can say. The decision is still to be made whether to disqualify Harvey or not. I don’t want to make this call and I will put it to Devil and Detail, the organisers. They are of course interested in your opinion.

By the way, there was no official complaint about Mouse. Stepping down from the administration of the poll immediately made her a legitimate contender.

Please, if you haven’t voted yet, here is your last chance… The vote closes at midnight New Zealand time and the five final contestants of the competition will be officially announced tomorrow.

Thanks from an exhausted Poll-Administrator!

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