Archives for posts with tag: friends

harvey cheating

The ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition is nearing its end with Harvey, the gambling rabbit, being the second to last to show off his skills. He had instructed us to assemble on the deck in front of the house. He admitted he had difficulties making up his mind about what to show us, as he has so many skills. Finally, he decided on demonstrating how fast he can run. He believes he is the fastest Dede on the planet.

Detail looked at her daughter Minor and remarked bitterly: “Some of us know very well how fast you can run”, but nobody took much notice of her. Only I looked closely at Minor and wondered if I could spot a resemblance there.

Smug Little Devil asked: “Is there a turtle in the house?” and Deutsch Fraulein (German girl) added: “If not, a hedgehog will do?”

Harvey was unfazed by all the comments and explained the procedure while limbering up: “I will run around the house ten times in 10 minutes. Should I fail,  I’ll shout breakfast for you all this morning. If I succeed, you will have to serve me breakfast in bed for the rest of the year. Does this sound like a fair bet?”

Personally, I have no idea how long it takes an average Dede to run around my house, but some of the Dedes seemed to think the offer was worth a bet. Obviously they were all quite hungry and were looking forward to their breakfast. They didn’t believe big-mouth Harvey would be able to do it.

“Who is counting the laps?” Smug Little Devil asked.

“You can do it, if you want” Harvey said confidently, while he got in position at the starting line.

“Okay… Ready, Steady, Go….” and off he went like a rocket, disappearing round the corner in a flash. It didn’t take long and he showed up on the other side.

Smug Little Devil called out loud: “Lap 1…. Lap 2…. Lap 3…. Lap 3….Lap 2…. Lap 4… ”

Gee it was boring. I decided to go inside and put the kettle on in the meantime. And there I saw Harvey coming in through the wide open front door, sliding down the corridor and jumping out the bedroom window….

I wasn’t there when Harvey and Smug Little Devil had their punch up, but breakfast is on me today.

pigs modern performance

Pig had invited us to come back to the stage area where all the other performances had taken place. He had written out nice invitation cards and made it all very mysterious. Of course we were extremely curious, as we all know Pig is only good at one thing and that is drinking. While some of the puppets might have a social drink from time to time, Pig gets sloshed pretty much every day. It is a real concern for us all. Apart from this, we have no idea what his prowess is.

When we arrived, only Professor was on stage and next to him was a large object covered in black cloth. There was no curtain or anything else on stage, it looked all bare and cold. Professor introduced himself as Pig’s assistant and explained that Pig had the idea for this, his modern play, the day he was first on stage and froze.  The play is called ‘The Unveiling’. Then he lowered his head to indicate we should be silent.

After an extended period the Professor bowed and harrumphed and very slowly moved towards the big lump and carefully pulled off the cloth. Out came a pig wrapped all over in tin foil, with only a cut-out for the eyes so that we could see it really was Pig. It didn’t move at all. It just sat there, perfectly still, like a statue. Professor started wailing and dancing around the tin-foiled Pig. I honestly didn’t see Pig move, but then I paid more attention to Professor, who screamed and squeaked like he was on a spit. The show was  extremely harrowing and it send shivers down my spine.

Just as everybody started to settle into this strange spectacle, Smug Little Devil arrived in the audience: “Sorry I am late” he said, not even making an effort to lower his voice. Then he looked to the stage and continued: “So, is he finally ready for the barbeque then?”

You could see the panic in Pig’s eyes and his entire body started to quake with fear, but he couldn’t run. He was too tightly packed. Professor saw his distress and immediately started unwrapping (pigs are prone to heart attacks). Someone from the audience called “curtain, curtain”, but of course there wasn’t one. Now it was the audience’s turn to freeze as they watched in horror Pig struggling to get free.

devil and L Artiste

L’Artiste was still wearing his unique tunic. He must have copyrighted his appearance as I haven’t seen any other puppets taking up the fad.

When L’Artiste sat down, Devil shuffled the cards to make us believe the questions are random, but honestly, when you’ve heard today’s questions one wonders if Devil rigged it. Isn’t it just a tad suspicious that L’Artiste, of all candidates, got the two questions posted by German artist Jürgen (or was it Buchalov?). But then does it really matter? This round is an exercise about how fast the candidates can think on their feet and finding out more about their personalities.

The first question didn’t go down too well though. Devil read out:

1. Where do you want to be in five years’ time?

As soon as the question was read out, L’Artiste jumped up from his seat shouting indignantly. “What sort of question is that?… Where do you want to be in five years’ time?” He shook his head while pacing up and down. “I am not in a job interview here, am I? How dare you ask me this middle management crap! I am an artist and if I am still alive in five years time, of course I want to be an artist. It doesn’t mean I will still do the same thing as I do today. Who knows what my art will be!” He stopped pacing and smiled at Devil “C’mon, Devil, Challenge me! Give me a question with some beef!”

Devil calmly explained again that all the questions were random before reading out the remaining two;

2. What are the three most beautiful things for a puppet?

3. What do you think about ‘Eden’, the special place humans are longing for?

L’Artiste was obviously a little happier with these and remained seated for the rest of the session.

“The second question, what are the three most beautiful things for a puppet? I can only answer from my personal perspective, as we are all different. Number 1 on my personal list is our very close-knit and supportive network. Number 2 is the mutual respect we have for each other and our ability to kiss and make up. We do have our fights, but they never last terribly long. Number 3 is the space we have from each other. If we need to we can have some time out. We can virtually drop of the planet, but come back some time later when we are ready and are welcomed back with open arms.” He paused for a moment nodding slightly a couple of times, then he continued: “Let me summarise this. The three most beautiful things for a puppet are ONE:  Friendship, TWO: Friendship and THREE: Friendship. No question about it!”

“The third question is right down my alley, isn’t it? I have thought about it a lot. Ever since I first saw Hieronymus Bosch’s painting ‘Garden of Earthly Delights’ as a little whipper snapper.” He turned to Devil and said with a little wink: “But I can assure you Devil, it wasn’t Eden that attracted me to this painting.”

“Does Eden exist, or doesn’t it? If it really existed, we Dedes certainly would be in it. But let’s be realistic, ‘Eden’, ‘Paradise’, ‘Arcadia’, every culture has such a place, different only in name. They are first and foremost places of harmony. Unfortunately, true harmony is a figment of the imagination. As soon as two people, or puppets for that matter, are in the same place there is potential for dissonance. We Dedes certainly strive for harmony and a good place to live, but I don’t think we will ever achieve it. I strongly believe the reason for our existence is to strive and do our best! After all we are only Dedes, just as humans are only human!

What do you think about L’Artiste’s answers?

devil pig professor

First up for the second round on stage was Pig again. Remember last week? Pig froze on stage and had a very poor performance. Now Devil had just made himself comfortable with his stack of question cards, when Professor and Pig appeared on stage together. Professor walked up to Devil and whispered something in his ear. Devil shook his head a few times and finally Professor left the stage leaving Pig behind. Devil told me later, that Professor had asked whether he could sit there with Pig as a bit of support for his mate. Pig was still very, very nervous. Devil’s answer of course was a resounding no. However, he promised to keep the questions simple today.

Pig sat down and immediately started staring at a tiny piece of floor right in front of him.

“Are you ready?” Devil asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever will be” said Pig without looking up, but astoundingly confident. Professor must have coached him all last week.

Devil shuffled the question cards and read out three questions for today’s candidate:

1. What are your aspirations in life?

2. What would you consider bliss?

3. What is your biggest fear?

“Can you start from the beginning again, please?” Pig asked. “What do you mean by apparition?”

“Aspiration I said, not apparition. Just tell me what you want to be!”

“I only know what I don’t want to be… I don’t want to become pork chops like any other pig. That’s certainly not how I want to end up. Or as bacon. Professor tells me I have to be careful, particularly now that it is Christmas time. He says it is a dangerous time for a juicy little pig like me and he doesn’t want me to go out by myself with all the barbeques going on.” When he started to talk about Professor he all of a sudden could speak clearly and fluently, but he moved away from answering the question.

“It is certainly a good start, knowing what you don’t want. Isn’t it? Everything else will come with time” Devil said to indicate he deemed the question sufficiently answered. But Pig just looked at him blankly.

“So what would you consider bliss or heaven, then?” Devil repeated the second question as Pig seemed to be lost again.

“A fridge full of cold beer!” Pig answered instantly without consideration.

“That’s it? That is your answer?”

“Yes, I’ll stick to that!”

“Okay and what is your biggest fear?” Devil asked the last question again.

“Ending up as pork chops…” Pig said again, after staring at the floor for a while. Then he looked up. He must have seen Professor standing behind the curtains looking very disappointed, so he quickly added: “And that Professor leaves me. Yes, that is my biggest fear, Professor leaving me. Yes, Professor keeps me safe. So I hope he won’t leave me. This would be disastrous. I might as well become pork chops then…”

“Thank you Pig, that was all very revealing!”

“Was it?” Pig asked, obviously surprised that it was all over so quickly.

What do you think of Pig’s performance this week?

deutsch fraulein fridge

Philosopher raised his concerns yesterday that Deutsch Fraulein is missing the German pre-Christmas period. If you have ever visited Germany in  Advent, you will know what he is talking about. Christmas is the winter feast of warmth and comfort in the midst of cold and darkness. If you look past the commercial side of it, it is really something: The snow, the glittering lights in the dark, the spice filled air. The Germans are one lucky folk in that they don’t have Sunday trading yet (or at least they didn’t have it last time I was there). Sundays are still days of contemplation, particularly in winter when the body wants to go into hibernation.

Here Downunder we call the pre-Christmas time the ‘silly season’. I always thought it is because you have to go to an endless line-up of barbeques and office parties, which of course goes hand in hand with drinking copious amounts of alcohol and being silly.  I only recently found out ‘silly season’ is an historic newspaper term from the Northern Hemisphere and it describes the time of year when parliament is  in recess and the newspapers have to come up with other (less important) stories to fill their pages. Of course Christmas and the long summer holidays coincide here. And come to think of it in terms of newspapers, silly season is all year round here.

For me personally, Christmas in the sun has lost its meaning. It is totally debased and what is left is one gigantic commercial feast. Needless to say it passes me by. I am out in the sun enjoying life. Come next winter and the coldness, I am back contemplating.

But I do understand Deutsch Fraulein (German Girl). She reads all these German blogs and gets terrible cravings for a good solid Christmas. So I thought as consolation I will buy here a ‘Stollen’, which is a special German Christmas cake with marzipan in it. To keep it fresh I put it in the fridge. Somebody must have told her. Next time I looked in the fridge, there she was, attacking the Stollen with a fork. She was so keen she hadn’t even taken the plastic off. She obviously found the perfect dark and cold place and is now devouring the comfort food. I hope she doesn’t forget to contemplate and that she leaves a piece for me.

 

cash cow on stage

It wasn’t a surprise that Mouse‘s performance appeared to be slick and polished, she is a wonderful organiser  and a perfectionist. She needs to have the feeling of being in control. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had sweated over every single word and studied every single gesture of her gig since the finalists were announced. Yet the talk of the Dedes was her admission that she grew up in a caravan park. Mouse is known to be a gossip. It is hard to believe  she could have kept a secret like this from us. Not even I had known that fact. So I had to ask her whether it was really true. Without batting an eyelash she told me she was born under caravan no 17. Nobody knew… except for Socialite. Turns out Socialite was born in caravan no 17. Socialite of course doesn’t want to be reminded of her social origins, but faced with a direct question, she shamefacedly corroborated Mouse‘s story. She said she remembers the screaming and fighting of the Mouse family under the caravan all too well. She was constantly warned by her mother she will be sent to the Mouses if she doesn’t behave! What a deterrent!

“So what?” Mouse asked “it is out now! Does this make us lesser puppets?”

She asked this just as the next candidate, Cash Cow, squeezed past us on her way to the stage. We had to do a double take. The old girl had dressed up for the occasion and was wearing a huge pink flower on her chest. We all know Cash Cow is only rich in name, but she is a giver by nature. She would give the last shirt off her back, even though she would never admit it was her last one. We all looked to the stage in anticipation of  her speech.

“Yes, dears, my name is Cash Cow” she started and did an old fashioned, slightly awkward, curtsey.

“I want to say to my predecessor on this stage: It is not important where you come from – but what you make of it! And you, my dear Mouse, do a very fine job.” She bowed slightly towards the the backstage area where Mouse was standing.

“You might have heard, I live in a garage at the moment. That is all I can afford…. I don’t have to pay rent, but I still have to buy food and food is so expensive. But I’ll tell you, dears, it wasn’t always like this.” Her droopy eyes lit up.

“I was born to the manor, a very large estate just outside town. Oh, there were meadows as far as you could see and trees and lakes and bees and birds. It was just wonderful. Of course it wasn’t mine, but I felt rich. I had everything I could wish for. I had five beautiful little calves. Every year I had one and I gave them my everything. I wanted them to grow up feeling just as rich as I did. Unfortunately the farmer passed away and his heirs sold the land to a developer.

“I was so lucky… who wants to kill a Cash Cow? So I was moved on. Nobody noticed my udder was dry. But now that I live in the garage, my little ones… they are all grown up by now… never visit. Ah well, they have to find their own place in the world. Who knows where they are now, for all I know they could have gone to Australia. Maybe one day they will remember me…. If you see any of my kids, tell them I will be in my garage!

“Yes, dears, I don’t have money, but I am still rich! I have a roof over my head and I have you guys, my friends! And if someone wants to drop in on me, I will always have a glass of milk and a cookie for you. And if you could bring some time, that would be just wonderful… I can tell you some stories…

“Thank you.” She curtseyed again and shuffled off the stage.

“Boo” shouted Monkey “Boo. I could have done better!”

“Amateur” commented Smug Little Devil “What a fuddy-duddy. What’s with all those sob stories?”

“Ah shut up you guys” hissed Mouse “you are so not funny! Can’t you give some constructive criticism?”

What do you think about Cash Cow‘s performance?

 

pig on show

Yesterday was a rather strange day. There were a lot of unhappy puppets around, such as Monkey, who saw his dreams shattered to smithereens. He is a comedian and would have so loved to show off in the third part of competition. Foxy Lady is convinced she would have out-witted anybody in the second round and Snippedy, the clown, will have to come to terms that his mask doesn’t fool anybody. But that was yesterday… They will get over it and we have to go on with the show!

Last night most of the Dedes assembled in front of the make-shift stage and Devil, the MC, welcomed everybody. He explained again that any comment from readers during the competition will go in the draw for a signed copy of the Dede puppet book: Hermit’s Web or the few friends I need, I hand-craft myself. Then he went on to explain the format: This week the contestants will introduce themselves and every post will have a star rating attached. Devil pointed out the star rating is for the performance of the contestant, not the post! He also instructed me to include the first three comments from the Dede audience in the post.

And then he called Pig on stage.

It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. And there was Pig. It stood there and started sweating. Pig had stage fright. It just stood there frozen like a statue. It doesn’t say much at the best of times. We always thought it was because it hangs out with Professor and he does all the talking for both of them. But now it was obvious. Pig doesn’t have anything to say at all. Pig was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“Boo”, called Monkey from the audience “Boo. I could have done better…” But he was the only one. Everybody else sat there and felt sorry for Pig.

“No heckling, please” said Devil and put his arm around Pig who still just stood there.

“So then, contestant No 1. Why are you here?” Devil asked to get Pig going.

“Dunno. Professor put me forward” Pig answered, barely audible.

“But you must have signed the entry form” Devil pointed  out.

“Must have been drunk!”

“Just tell us something, anything… Where do you come from or is there anything special about you?”

Pig scratched behind his ear and stepped from one foot to the other.

“Well, we were five little piggies, the oldest went to the market. I had nothing. My mum, the sow, didn’t expect much from me anyway. Originally she wanted to call me Elvis, because I, I have Elvis Presley’s eyes. I think that is why I love to drink. Professor says I have beautiful eyes.” It all came out in one big convoluted sentence, but that was it. Pig was quiet again and looked nervously at Devil for approval.

Devil knew that was it, there was no more where this came from. Pig was dry. “Okay give our first contestant a big hand.” Devil said to the audience and clapped his hands. Pig saw his chance and took to his heels.

“Boo” called Monkey again

“Amateur” said Smug Little Devil

“Oh dear,” sighed the Professor “and I thought it would be character building for him”

Rate Pig‘s performance here:

Now we have a real problem: I suspect Harvey of cheating! Can I say this so bluntly? I’ll tell you the story and ask for your opinion.

Yesterday I bumped into an old friend, I will call him Mr XL here.  Of course I told Mr XL about the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition and asked whether he has voted. Unfortunately I mentioned the poor loser Harvey, the rabbit with a gambling problem who doesn’t have any supporters at all. At the time I really felt sorry for Harvey, the poor little sod. I explained to my friend that Harvey got his name from a 1950s movie starring James Stewart, called ‘My friend Harvey’. In the film Harvey is actually a pooka, in the shape of a human sized rabbit who can only be seen by a Mr Elwood P Dowd. No, I didn’t see the film when it was first released! However,  Mr XL was very surprised he had never heard of the film even though he could have seen it then.

Strangely enough in the afternoon the votes for Harvey started to rise. He is now – would you believe it – number four! Being a pooka and a gambler I have my suspicions that Harvey went to see Mr XL after I’d left and made a deal with my friend. Knowing Mr XL, who is a real sucker for the underdog, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d agreed to skew the votes in Harvey‘s favour for a couple of beers on Friday night in the RSA or the pub. Ah, it is Friday today… Unfortunately I have a prior engagement tonight, but if anybody spots Harvey and Mr XL in the pub together tonight, I will disqualify Harvey on the spot.

What do you think?

In the meantime, here is the voting form again…

Mouse is unusually quiet at the moment. I know her well enough to know she is extremely hurt by Smug Little Devil’s comment she might have done something unethical. She is very proud of trying to see everybody’s point of view and doing the hard yards to get the best possible outcome for everybody. Sometimes I wonder where this little thing gets her energy from. She must run on some very special batteries. At the moment she behaves very much out of character: While she still does all her other chores, she has asked me to take over the poll. She doesn’t want to go near it.

After a good night sleep – with initially a bit more sobbing – Mouse resigned as administrator of the poll first thing yesterday  morning. It was a really good move, as there was a big surprise yesterday… While Mouse was fifth at the end of the first day… she is now level heading with Cash Cow in first place. It looks to me as if the readers are supporting Mouse and don’t have too much of a problem with her gaffe. My personal inkling is that it must have been an honest oversight.

We had an even bigger surprise… Push Push, the elephant who isn’t on list of candidates – got a vote with two exclamation marks!! So she must have one really strong supporter out there. It is even more astounding as her mug shot is also missing from the ‘Character’ page….What an oversight on my part! Thanks to the person who voted for her it came to light and I will fix it as soon as possible.

Understandably Push Push is dancing around the living room. Have you ever had an elephant doing a jig in your house? That is certainly something you don’t want to experience… I am worried the walls are coming down, but I can’t really ask her to stop…  I would do the same, if I were her.

To be honest I personally wondered why Push Push wasn’t on the list of candidates in the first place. She is such an accomplished performer and without doubt has much more of a presence than, let’s say, Harvey, the depressed gambler (who by the way still doesn’t have a single supporter).

Voting closes on Saturday, so we are half way through….

If you haven’t voted yet – Here is your chance: (The Dedes are getting more and more excited :)

I found Mouse crying in the kitchen last night. The floor was littered with used hankies. My first thought was: Oh dear, the poll isn’t going so well. Of course I had to ask her what the matter was.

“No, that’s not it, the poll’s going well” she sobbed. “We already have a distinct pattern.” She showed me the results of the first day.  Cash Cow has taken the lead, but it is still early days. Mouse‘s idea is to add the poll to every post this week, to make it easier for readers to vote.

Mouse continued: “I really appreciate the effort of our readers. Dianne for example, you know, Dianne Gray, the writer from Australia, it was her birthday and she just quit her day job and moved to the country side. She really has her hands full, but she still voted. Isn’t that great!”

“This is just wonderful, Mouse” I confirmed and gave her a hi-five “What a good job you did with setting up the poll!” Unexpectedly my words set her off again.  Looking at the results bamboozled me even more: At this stage Mouse ranks fifth together with Monkey, well ahead of Harvey or Snippedy. These two didn’t get any votes at all. How disheartening this must be. No vote from anybody.

“I honestly don’t get it” I said to her “you should be over the moon!”

She blew her nose and said as clearly as she could manage: “I overheard Smug Little Devil saying we are a bunch of amateurs”

I rolled my eyes “Don’t listen to him!” I advised, “He is just like that. He doesn’t mean it. ”

“Unfortunately he has a point” she started sniffling again “he said I shouldn’t be a candidate and in charge of the poll at the same time…. He said that is so, so, so.. bana….. ”  I couldn’t understand the rest of what she was saying. Her words merged seamlessly into a spasmodic sob attack.

Right!

I cuddled her and said she should go to bed, we would deal with it later. For now I will put the poll up as is. We have to find out who deals with these issues. There might not even be an official complaint yet.

In case you haven’t voted yet… Here are the candidates for the ‘Super Dede 2012’ competition again. If you would like to see the result, click on the ‘View Result’ text link below the ‘Vote’ button.

A very biiiiiiiiiig thanks to everybody who has voted already…. It really is anonymous.