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Politics about teff

February 5, 2015 //
0

mouse and witch

Witch went to Mouse and said, “You are right!” Mouse was staggered as she didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.

“I agree, we shouldn’t include the teff custard in the book” she explained. “Why the sudden change?” Mouse asked her friend. And then Witch told her that she had just read an article about teff being currently en vogue with Hollywood stars. So the demand is rising and will rise even further. However, it is also one of the basic foods in Ethiopia, where half the population  lives on less than a dollar a day. As the carbohydrates in teff are absorbed slowly people can eat their national dish injera, a sour dough bread made from teff, and then work all day without getting hungry. The Ethiopian government is now expecting a price explosion due to increased demand from the Western World, akin to what happened when quinoa all of a sudden became popular a few years back. This might result in hunger and malnourishment in the poorer population of Ethopia. As a measure, the government has currently banned exports of teff except with a special license.

“I wonder if you can obtain a special license when you give money to a government official?” asked Mouse.

“That’s not my main concern, but you might have a point there” said Witch. “Teff is certainly a very healthy food, but we in the West don’t run the risk of starvation, particularly not the Hollywood lot. Luckily, teff is a relatively hardy plant, but I understand it is time consuming to look after and process. Personally, I will forgo my desire for teff until other cultivating areas have been established – but not in a Monsanto type of way.”

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Gone to custard

February 4, 2015 //
9

dardevil custard

There are some days when you need comfort food. When everything has turned to custard it’s best to have a bowl of it, or at least that is Daredevil’s advice. Daredevil is a peace loving character who only fights for what he strongly believes is right. Of course, what he considers the right thing doesn’t necessarily coincide with other people’s opinion and he sometimes feels like Don Quixote. When he realises he is on a kamikaze mission he usually makes himself a big bowl of chocolate custard and eats it slowly and quietly in the corner, reviewing his position. It doesn’t happen too often, but yesterday he felt the urge. “Do you think, Mouse, my custard is eligible to be included in the book?” he asked, while he had another mouthful.

“What’s in it?” asked Mouse, “you don’t just rip open a packet of custard powder, do you?”

“No, I use corn flour, milk, sugar and cocoa and – when I have one on hand – an egg.” Mouse thought for a little bit and said, “not sure about the cocoa, it isn’t on the ingredient list. And I see you use corn flour?”

“C’mon, corn flour is a flour and it is a much better thickening agent than wheat flour.”

Once again Mouse couldn’t say no. “Okay, give me your recipe. I am only collecting them at the moment and I’ll think about it!”

Ingredients

3 heaped tablespoons of corn flour, 2 cups of milk (or milk and water), 1 generous tablespoon of cocoa, 2 tablespoons of sugar.

Method

In a bowl, mix the corn flour, sugar and cocoa and add half a cup of milk to make a smooth paste. Make sure there are no lumps in it.

Heat the rest of the milk (1 1/2 cups) and before it boils add the paste you made earlier. Stir continuously until it bubbles. It will thicken quite quickly once it starts boiling. Stir until it doesn’t thicken any further.

Eat warm or let rest to cool.

“You said earlier you might add an egg if you have one. When would you add this?” asked Mouse.

“Simply mix any eggs into the corn flour paste before you put it into the heated milk” answered Daredevil. “They are also a thickening agent and you can leave out a little bit of the corn flour.”

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Bechamel Sauce (Basic white sauce)

February 3, 2015 //
0

mouse rob bechamel

Usually Rob D Light waits until everybody has left the kitchen before he sneaks in and makes his meals. Like he did last night. He had “found” this huge marrow in the garden and wanted to cook it up. Mouse was still sitting in the dining room leafing through the recipes when she heard the pots and pans being handled in the kitchen, and the fridge door being opened and closed.

“What are you doing?” she asked Rob D Light who got a big fright. “Um, I am making myself a meal.” Rob is very shy as he has to deal with a lot of prejudice. Mouse saw the marrow on the cutting board. “Are you just frying this in oil?” she asked curiously.

“No, I am making a bechamel sauce with it today,” answered Rob. “Oh dear.” Mouse looked as if she had been hit by lightning. Rob was delighted that someone was interested in his work and thought Mouse was impressed with his cooking skills. “It is not that difficult” he said proudly. “No, I know,” said Mouse. “I just realised this is another recipe we don’t have in our collection yet. And it is so versatile.” They both agreed the name bechamel sounds magic, but in effect it is the most basic white sauce you can make.

“Once you know how to make this sauce, you can add all sorts of things: spices or cheese or capers or anchovies. You can even turn it into soup, if you add more water.”

“Yes,” said Mouse excitedly. “When I make Lasagne, I make this sauce and add a cup of cheese.”

“You really have to add some sort of flavour” said Rob. “On it’s own it is pretty bland. But it is good starting point. Today I am adding a bit of cheese as well and will pour it over the chopped marrow then bake it in the oven for 35 minutes”

Mouse asked Rob to give her a quick run-down on how he makes his sauce. He prefers milk when he uses it with vegetables, but you also can use the water you boiled your vegetables in, for example asparagus, or just plain water.

“What about the proportions of butter to flour?” asked Mouse. “Personally, I use equal amounts.”

“It’s not hard and fast, but you can use up to 3 parts flour to 2 parts butter. And with the liquid, you just add as much as you need for your desired texture.”

Ingredients

1 tablespoon of butter, 1.5 tablespoons of flour, 1 cup of water or milk (nutmeg, pepper optional).

Method

This sauce requires constant stirring!

Over a medium heat melt the butter in a saucepan. With a wooden spoon stir the flour into the melted butter until it turns into a well combined paste. Cook ans stir until it bubbles slightly, but make sure it doesn’t turn brown. Add the milk, a quarter cup at a time, and stir until it is well mixed into the paste without lumps before you add the next portion. When all the milk has been added, bring to a boil and it will thicken nicely. Add nutmeg and pepper to taste, lower the heat and cook for two or three minutes longer. If you want to make a cheese sauce, add half a cup of grated cheese at this point. It is done, when the cheese is melted.

Note: If you want to flavour the bechamel sauce, add the flavours of your choice after the sauce has thickened.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes, Self-publishing

Publishing process

February 1, 2015 //
2

mouse devil reading book

“We won’t get 101 recipes” said Mouse again and looked at her list. “I think we have twenty-five or so.”

“There are still a few to come” said Witch. “I definitely want to do my teff custard”. Witch is the one that tries all sort of different flours. Teff is her favourite. It is an Ethiopian highland grain and is gluten-free, but has the stickiness of gluten. It is often used in gluten-free flour mixes, but it is hard to come by on its own and very expensive. For this reason, Mouse, who is a frugal Dede,  doesn’t want to include anything with teff flour in the book.

“But we have to talk about different flours in the book” insisted Witch. “And, okay, I have already published the teff custard on October 2013. I’ll just link to it here.”

“I think it is time to discuss how we make the book. We have enough material. Quality is better than quantity and our readers might be getting sick of all these flour and water recipes” continued Mouse.

Harvey, the rabbit, came into the room and said “but I want to make a yeast plait that you eat at Easter”. “And I want to make profiterole” chimed in Loudmouth, the chicken. “We haven’t even made any dumplings except for the bread dumplings” called someone from the back. “There are still more recipes to come!”

“Do we need to publish them all on the blog?” asked Mouse. “I am starting to worry about how we design the book. I have to get on with the editing. Do we just collate all the stories we have here, or what?” Mouse looked around for a response. She is not confident enough to make such far-reaching decisions on her own.

No answers were forthcoming so Devil, who has no problem with decision-making, stepped in. “Personally, I think the Dedes should be in the book, but we might rewrite the story a little to make it smoother. At the moment we just have blog posts. This doesn’t make a book!” He commended Mouse for all her valuable input into the recipes and how she explained what to watch out for, but he thinks it needs to be streamlined. The others agreed. Detail piped up and said “But if we don’t have 101 recipes the title doesn’t work anymore. Didn’t we want to call the book The Artist’s survival cookbook or 101 recipes with flour and water?”

“I noticed that too” said Philosopher. “What do you think about the title The Artist’s survival cookbook or how to make a crust”

“We could also call it The Artist’s survival cookbook or living on the breadline” said L’Artiste who knows a thing or two about that.

“See?” Mouse was happy that the discussion finally started. “There are so many decisions to make. The title, and then the question, do we have to photograph everything again? How do we want to design the book? How are we going to publish it?”

“Do you really think our readers are interested in all this?” asked Philosopher. “Shouldn’t we discuss all this amongst ourselves?”

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, Promotion, recipes, Self-publishing

Toast bread

January 30, 2015 //
0

mr vague research

“We won’t get 101 recipes together” lamented Mouse. “We are already scraping the bottom of the barrel with our left-over recipes.”

“I have another one” called Mr Vague. “At least I think it is different.”

Mouse was surprised, as Mr Vague never puts his hand up for anything. Besides, the kitchen is not his favourite place. He prefers to sit on the garden fence and watch the world go by, waiting for a better day. This time he seemed keen to participate. As he lacked his own ideas he combed through old recipe books looking for an easy-to-make bread. Sure enough, he found a toast bread that was as plain as himself. He believes old equals trusted so he expected a good result. But when he tasted the finished product he really didn’t like it much. Disappointed, he chucked it in the chicken bin. Witch was furious when she saw the wasted bread.

“It can’t be that bad,” she said “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s too buttery” Mr Vague answered meekly. “And you can’t toast it. It’s too crumbly, it falls apart” he added. Witch looked at the book and saw immediately what the mistake in the recipe was. It is a yeast dough and it has to rise twice, but the book only mentioned it once. “And 90 grams of butter, yes, you are right, that is a bit much. Just use less.”

“I am not doing it again” said Mr Vague and went to leave for the garden. “Yes you are,” insisted Witch. “Otherwise you will think you can’t bake, but in truth it was the recipe that was wrong.”

Reluctantly Mr Vague got all the ingredients out and tried again. “Knead thoroughly and give it time to rise” Witch said, when she left him to it. Indeed, she was right, the bread worked perfectly this time.

Mr vague unveiling

Ingredients

6 cups of flour, 2 teaspoons of dry yeast, 2 cups of warm milk (or milk and water), 1 tablespoon of butter. Milk to brush on the surface.

You also need a non-stick loaf pan (or a loaf pan and baking paper)

Method

Pour flour into a bowl, make a well in the middle, add half the liquid and the dry yeast. Let it sit for 20 minutes until the yeast is sloshy. Stir the liquid into the flour and transfer to a flat surface. Knead everything to an elastic dough while adding the rest of the liquid. Knead for five minutes, then put the dough back into the bowl and cover with a clean tea towel. Let it rise in a warm place for one to two hours.

Preheat oven to 180 0C

Knead again and place in a baking tray (lined with baking paper if it isn’t non-stick). Let it rest again until the dough has risen to twice its size. Brush milk on the surface and bake for 1 hour.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

French Toast

January 29, 2015 //
0

french toast court jester

“I have a good one” called Court Jester “if you want to give stale bead a second life!” He was preparing something on the stove top and delicious smells eminated from the pan. Mouse went over to have a look. “Ah she said “I know that one, it’s French toast, isn’t it?” Court Jester nodded affirmatively.

“Not so much my thing” said Mouse, “but I know a few people who love it”

“Including me” said Court Jester and transferred the finished toast onto a plate. He couldn’t help to grin in anticiapation. Mouse looked at the recipe. “My one is slightly different. You coat it with bread crumbs, after you soaked it in the egg/milk mixture.”

“This doesn’t sound right to me.” remarked Court Jester “I like my recipe as it is”  and he had a first big bite.

Ingredients

4 slices of slightly stale bread, 2 eggs, ½ cup milk, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, Butter

Method

In a bowl big enough to accommodate the size of bread your are using, whisk together the eggs, milk, and cinnamon. Place each slice of bread into the mixture and allow the bread to soak up some of it. Make sure it doesn’t get too soggy.

Melt butter in a large pan over medium high heat. Shake off the excess, and place the bread slices in the pan. Fry until it is browned on one side, then flip and brown the other side.

Serve hot with butter, honey, jam or fresh berries.

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, recipes

Croutons

January 27, 2015 //
0

boss man croutons

“We should have a section on what to do with left-overs!” Devil suggested. Mouse had mentioned yesterday that she chucks her left-over bread in the blender to make bread crumbs. Bread dumplings, too, give stale bread a delicious second life. Today Calamity came forward and said she finds the recipes too difficult as she is a catastrophy in the kitchen. But she can use her left over bread to make croutons. That is easy enough. These little toasted bread pieces are lovely to sprinkle over a salad or put in soups for a crunchy extra. It is so easy she doesn’t even need a recipe and simply told Mouse “Just cut the stale bread up into little squares, heat up some butter in a pan, add the bread pieces and toss and turn them until they have a nice brown colour and smell delicious. Let them cool as they are soft when they are warm and only go crunchy when cooled.”

“No, no, no” cried Boss Man who is of the opinion Calamity can’t do anything right. “That’s not how you make croutons.” He pushed Calamity to the side. “You heat the oven to 1800C. Melt the butter in a ramekin in the oven. When the butter is melted, brush it on both sides of the stale bread, cut the bread up into little pieces and place on a baking tray. Bake for 15 minutes or until nicely browned.” He looked expectantly at Mouse and asked, “So, which recipe do you think is better?”

Mouse didn’t want to favour anyone and said “The one on the stove top might soak up more butter, but you know, when you don’t have an oven, what can you do?”

“Who in this day and age doesn’t have an oven?” asked Boss Man.

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Bread dumplings

January 26, 2015 //
0

alien bread dumpling

“You Germans have some strange recipes” commented Alien. “When I was there they served me bread dumplings. Can you believe it? Dumplings made from bread!”

“Why, what’s so strange about that?” asked Deutsch Fraulein defensively. “We don’t want anything to go to waste.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Mouse who couldn’t quite follow. Deutsch Fraulein turned around and explained that there is a recipe that uses left over buns, egg and milk to make dumplings. They are great to have with a creamy sauce, like mushrooms in sour cream.

“To be honest” said Alien “I quite liked them. I even asked for the recipe. I just thought it is a strange idea.” He handed Mouse his notes.

Mouse looked at it for while and said, “Technically it is not a flour and water recipe.” she handed the recipe back. “But buns are made from flour and water, aren’t they?” asked Alien.

“Yes, but there are also onions in it. And onions were never on the ingredient list”

“If you must, just leave them out. But who doesn’t have onions in their pantry?”

“We are stretching it a bit, but okay then.”

Deutsch Fraulein piped up. ”These dumplings are basically made from reconstituted stale bread. If you want to make them, don’t throw out your left over buns or feed them to the chickens. Instead, cut them into thin slices while they are still a little soft and let the slices dry. Once the buns are hard, cutting them becomes more difficult, though it can be done.”

“You can also use toast bread instead of buns” said Alien. “To be honest, I even use normal loaves if they go stale. Sometimes if I’ve had enough of bread, half a loaf would otherwise go to waste.”

“I just chuck my left over bread in the blender” said Mouse “to make bread crumbs. But I should try your recipe next time.”

Ingredients (for four dumplings)

4 dry buns, ½ a cup of warm milk, 1 egg, 1/2 onion (salt, nutmeg to season is optional)

Note: if the buns are not totally dry, add less milk.

Method

Cut the buns into thin slices, put in a large bowl and add some of the warm milk. Let it soak to allow the bread to become moist (but not soggy). When the milk has cooled down mix the the bread with your hands. The pieces should be well wetted and stick together. If there are dry bits in it, add more milk. If the mixture is too soggy, press out the superflous milk and throw away. Chop the onion into small pieces and add to the bread mixture. Add the egg. Mix thoroughly and form dumplings.

Bring a pot of water to the boil and add the dumplings. Let them simmer on low heat for 20 minutes.

If you have bread dumplings left over, you can eat them the next day with vinegar and oil, like a salad.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, recipes

Soft noodles (Spätzle)

January 25, 2015 //
0

deutsch Fraulein potato press2

“Yesterday you said all the recipes are easy” called Deutsch Fraulein. “But I know one that is difficult to master.” Mouse looked at her expectantly and asked, “Made of flour, water and egg? I find that hard to believe!”

“Yes, precisely,” answered Deutsch Fraulein. “Where I come from we eat soft noodles called Spaetzle. They are fantastic with lentils for a cheap and healthy meal. As they are very porous they love to swim in sauce. They soak it up.” She gave Mouse the recipe. Mouse read it and looked very confused. “Yes,” said Deutsch Fraulein “they are a bit messy to make as the batter is very soft and it is best if you have a potato press. It’s even better if you have an experienced person to show you how it’s done.” The difficulty with this recipe is in getting the texture of the batter right. It can’t be too thin or too thick. But when it works, they are delicious.

“There is also salt in it” Mouse pointed out. “Do we need this? You know some of us have be careful with our blood pressure.”

“Yeah” said Deutsch Fraulein. “I would put it in. I personally find them a bit bland otherwise. But isn’t it the same with sugar? When you do so much home cooking, you cut out all the salt that’s in processed food, so this bit little won’t hurt, right?”

“I guess so” said Mouse. She still wasn’t sure whether a difficult recipe should be included, but then, who doesn’t like a challenge? “Apart from lentils, what else can you have with these soft noodles?”

Deutsch Fraulein’s eyes lit up and she explained that Spaetzle can be used as condiment for any dish that would go with pasta, though it’s best if the dish has a thick sauce. For a very cheap and filling meal, fry chopped onions in a good helping of butter and add breadcrumbs. Fry until the bread crumbs are saturated with butter and smell nicely toasted. Pour over the Spaetzle.

Or place a layer of Spaetzle in an oven-proof dish, cover with grated cheese, add another layer of Spaetzle and another layer of cheese. Bake at 2000 C until the cheese has melted.

In the end, Deutsch Fraulein said “I strongly recommend a huge side salad with these meals! Never forget to eat your greens!”

Ingredients (for 2 people)

1 cup of flour, 1 egg, 1 teaspoon of salt, scant cup of water.

You also need either a thin wooden cutting board and a long knife or a potato press with medium sized holes or a colander and a spatula.

Method

Pour flour into a bowl. Add the salt. With a wooden spoon stir in the water little by little. Just enough so it feels and looks like a very stodgy porridge. Stir in the egg and then use the wooden spoon to beat the hell out of the batter. Beat it until it comes away easily from the side of the bowl and little air bubbles rise to the surface when you stop beating.

Let the batter rest for half an hour. In the meantime you can prepare the lentils or whatever you want to eat with your Spaetzle.

Prepare a bowl with cold water to spoon the finished Spaetzle into and bring a big pot of water (at least 2 liters) to the boil. The Spaetzle love space.

Now the tricky part starts. If you have no other utensils, use a thin wooden board. Wet it with water and smear the batter on the board. Use a long knife and slice off a piece of batter and push it into the hot water. Continue until all the batter is in the water. The process is much easier and faster if you have a potato press with medium sized holes. Just fill the press with the batter and press into the boiling water. (But make sure you move the press in a circular motion over the pot while pressing to avoid dropping all the batter in the same spot in the pot. If this happens you will end up having one doughy blob instead of noodles). The third option is to fill a colander with the batter, hold it over the pot, and with the spatula force the batter through the holes into the water below. With the last option you will end up with short Spaetzle.

The batter sinks to the bottom of the pot and the noodles are done when they float back to the top. This won’t take long at all. Scoop the finished Spaetzle out of the pot with as slotted spoon and put it into the bowl of cold water you prepared earlier. Then spoon them onto a warm plate and they are done. Make sure you shake the water off well.

If they get too cold you can reheat them in a skillet with a little butter.

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

The egg and the chicken

January 24, 2015 //
0

mouse devil eggs

“I would go for pasta without eggs anytime” said Evan G List, the vegan. “How can you possibly eat animal products when so many Dedes are animals?”

“Well…” Mouse felt uncomfortable. She understood Evan’s point of view but felt like she was put on the spot.

“Look” said Devil, who calls a spade a spade, coming to her aid. “We have the chickens in the backyard because there is too much weed and they love to eat it. In return they produce chicken poop, which is a brilliant fertiliser for the vege garden. It happens that they also lay eggs. Shall we throw those out, or what?”

“No, of course not. But you shouldn’t have chickens in the first place!”

“Then we would need to go and buy fertiliser. Who knows how that is produced. Sorry, that doesn’t make sense to me.”

Mouse does a wonderful job. All the food scraps go either into the worm bin or in the chicken trough. And what either of them produces from their food, goes on to nourish the soil in the vege garden. We eat the veges and produce scraps. It is a perfect cycle.

“But you don’t have a cow. And you use milk and butter!” Evan said triumphantly.

“Yes, you’re right, we’ve made a choice. Our mantra is everything in moderation.” Devil didn’t want to get into an argument. There are some things you just can’t argue about. (By the way, in New Zealand all cows are grass fed and outside all year round. However, there are far too many for the environment.)

Mouse turned to Devil and said, “I think we need some sort of summary about what we are actually doing here. Can you succinctly describe the reason for our recipe collection?”

Devil didn’t need time to think. “There are two goals, remember. Firstly, if you buy these staple foods in the shops, they are highly processed and contain too much sugar and salt, as well as flavour enhancers and additives to extend their shelf-life. Secondly, they are overpriced in my opinion. Well, maybe not too overpriced, as the processing certainly costs money. We just want to show everyone that you can make staple foods much cheaper and healthier at home. The recipes aren’t too difficult or time consuming. ”

Mouse said “Yeah right, now I remember. The idea was conceived when you lost your job, wasn’t it? You didn’t get out of bed and moped about because you had nothing to do and no money” Devil didn’t want to be reminded as it was a sad time for him, but Mouse was right. It was the creative L’Artiste who suggested they should write a book called The Artist’s survival cookbook or 101 recipes with flour and water. He knows a thing or two about living on the breadline. Mouse was excited that all the Dedes were working together to make it happen, even though the bulk of the work landed on her. Again! She doesn’t mind. “It’s coming together nicely” she said. “But we need a full Dede meeting to get ideas on how to take it further.” Mouse is a good administrator, but creativity is not one of her strengths.

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, gardening, Hand Puppets, Life, Promotion, recipes
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