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Crumpets

January 21, 2015 //
4

king crumpets

All the Dedes gathered in the kitchen to try the sweeter stuff that was currently on offer. King tried a bit of this and a bit of that but nothing seemed to satisfy his tastebuds. “You know” he said, “when I was a little prince, we had crumpets as a special treat for breakfast.”

“Crumpets? What’s that?” asked Deutsch Fraulein.

“I don’t know what they’re made of” said King. “It must be more than flour and water. I remember them as the most delicious Sunday breakfast” He paused for a while and everyone could see that in his mind’s eye he was being served a tower of delicious crumpets by his butler. “They are very similar to American pancakes but definitely not the same. They are really spongy with a honeycomb surface that soaks up any topping” he concluded.

“What do you have them with?”

“Butter or cream cheese and jam.”

Liar, who is a bit of a snob and pretends to be from a posh family, stepped forward and said, “I know how to make crumpets. And they do fit the profile.” He told the others that crumpets are a rather strange combination of a yeast dough and a baking soda batter. Like pancakes, they are baked on the stove top but they don’t contain eggs.

“Now that sounds interesting” said Mouse. “I definitely want to have that recipe!”

“As with any yeast dough they do take a little while to make, so they are good for a Sunday brunch rather than for everyday breakfast,” Liar explained as he handed over his recipe. “But you can make lots and put them in the fridge, and reheat them in the toaster over the next few days.

Ingredients

1½ cups flour, ½ cup hot water and ½ cup milk, 1 teaspoon of sugar, 2 teaspoons dry yeast. ½ teaspoon baking soda, ½ cup of warm water. Butter for the pan.

Place the flour in a bowl. Make a well in the middle. Mix hot water and milk to create a lukewarm liquid (if necessary heat it up a little) and pour into the well. Add sugar and yeast. Leave in a warm place for about 10 minutes until it is sloshy.

Mix yeast with flour until it becomes a soft dough. It’s best done with your hands, though it is really sticky. The texture is more like a very thick pancake mix than a bread dough. Cover the bowl with a tea towel and put in a warm place to rise for an hour, or until it has doubled in size.

Dissolve the baking soda in warm water and stir into the yeast dough. It doesn’t combine easily, you need to be persistent. Cover with a tea towel and leave to rest for 30 minutes.

The batter is soft and won’t keep it’s shape well when placed in the frying pan. If you have some egg rings for poached eggs, they are ideal for containing the batter and make the crumpets nice and round. If you don’t have egg rings, you can cut a clean tomato tin up into rings (make sure there are no sharp egdges that can cut you). Grease the rings and place them in a frying pan. If you aren’t fussed about getting the perfect circular shape you don’t need to use rings :)

Fill each ring with some batter. The batter will rise while cooking and the crumpet dries from the bottom up. Bubbles come to the surface and pop, which gives the crumpets their distinct honeycomb surface. At this stage remove the ring, flip the crumpet over to cook the other side for a minute or so.

You can eat them immediately, or cool on a wire rack and reheat in the toaster later. If you eat them straight from the pan you don’t even need a topping.

“Only a King, with servants, could crave for crumpets.” Deutsch Fraulein said, after she had read the recipe. “No-one else would go to all that trouble.” After she had sampled them, she changed her mind.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, recipes

Muffins

January 20, 2015 //
4

foxy lady muffins2

Push Push appreciated that Nosy Neighbour had simply left the sugar out when he made American pancakes (or piklets, the name she knew them by). She never would have dared to alter the recipe, but he was right, it didn’t change the texture at all. She devoured them with a topping of mixed fruit and yoghurt rather than jam. Nosy Neighbour told her that when he was in America he ate them with real maple syrup, but this is far too expensive here. “And the production of maple syrup is environmentally questionable” added Foxy Lady who was passing by. She glanced at Nosy Neigbour’s recipe and said, “Blimey! That looks very similar to my muffin recipe, except there is less liquid in my muffins and they’re baked in a muffin tray in the oven.”

Push Push pricked her ears up as she loves muffins too, though like every other elephant she has to watch her weight. So can’t have them too often. “Can you simply leave out the sugar in muffins as well?” she asked excitedly.

“If you want to have them sweet and not savoury, it’s not that easy. With pancakes you have sweet toppings, so you don’t realise where the sweetness comes from. But you usually eat muffins without anything on them, so the sweetness needs to be inside. However, if you want to avoid sugar you can replace it by mashing up a banana or two and mixing them into the batter. They are sweet and you also get some vitamins and additional flavour.”

“We don’t want to have sugary recipes” said Mouse “When I eat refined sugar, my joints hurt.”

“Everything in moderation” answered Foxy Lady. “You are right, sugar is poison for the body as it depletes it of vitamins and has absolutly no nutritional value. But with your home cooking at least you know how much sugar you put into your food. Half a cup of sugar in eight muffins that you share around won’t hurt. That’s less than what’s in a glass of the fizzy drink people like so much!”

“Come on then.” Mouse held her hand out to Foxy Lady. “Give me your muffin recipe.”

As Foxy Lady handed over the sheet of paper she explained the importance of thoroughly mixing all the dry ingredients in one bowl and all the wet ingredients in a separate bowl. Once the content of the two bowls are combined you need to work fast and resist stirring too much.

“Yes,” confirmed Mouse. “Professor already explained why when he did his scones.”

While Foxy Lady’s recipe was for simple plain muffins, she admitted she never makes the plain ones. She adds all sorts of things she finds in the cupboard to the dry mix, like cocoa or a pinch of chilli pepper and a dash of ground allspice. When she leaves out the sugar and adds banana or other fruit instead, it has to be added to the wet mixture. “I hope it all makes sense and it gives you an idea about what you can try to suit your own taste” said Foxy Lady finishing her speech.

“If you have never made muffins before, make the simple ones first” recommended Mouse. “And when you know what the batter should look and feel like, you can start replacing and adding.”

To make it easier to get the muffins out of the muffin tray in one piece, Foxy Lady places folded up squares of baking paper in the tray first.

Ingredients

2 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of Baking Soda, half a cup of sugar, 1 cup of milk (or mixture of water and milk), 1 egg, 20g melted butter. Baking paper.

Method

Preheat the oven to 2200C. Place a ramekin with the butter in the oven and it will melt nicely while you mix the other ingredients.

Line the muffin tray with baking paper.

Place all the dry ingredients in a big bowl and mix well using a fork. (The bowl must be big enough to accommodate the wet ingedients later as well)

In a different bowl, whisk the egg lightly, mix in the milk and finally stir in the melted butter.

Then pour the wet ingredients into the bowl that contains the dry ingredients and mix it with a few turns of the spoon. Make sure all the dry ingredients are wetted through without overdoing it. Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin tray. Fill each mould up 2/3. The muffins will rise when baking.

Bake in the oven for 20 Minutes.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Fun, Hand Puppets, recipes

Buckwheat pancakes

January 18, 2015 //
0

push push buckwheat

Push Push couldn’t believe that Mouse and Devil published a pancake recipe yesterday. A while ago she promised Monkey she would give her recipe to Mouse as soon as eggs were added to the ingredient list. Naturally, when she found out she was overlooked she came flying into the kitchen, hands on hips, ready for a fight. But Mouse calmed her down and said “you can never have enough pancake recipes. There are so many different ways of making them and pancakes are such a favourite.” She pointed out that the recipe yesterday was an absolute basic one. Push Push agreed and said “pancakes are really brilliant when you first have a go in the kitchen. Absolutely nothing can go wrong. It makes me so cross when I see these expensive pancake mixes on the shelves in the supermarket. They contain dried milk and dried egg, dried everything, all processed. But the hardest work is baking them and you still have to do that yourself.”

Mouse agreed and said “All you need is flour and egg and milk or water. You mix everything together and bake it in the pan on the stove top. You can add sweet or savory toppings and it’s all done in 5 Minutes.”

“Ah well, my ones aren’t quite as quick. I use sparkling water and buckwheat flour to make them healthy” said Push Push, who is really worried about her blood pressure. She poured some buckwheat flour onto a plate. “That is a very fine flour” said Mouse after inspecting it. “Where do you get that?”

“You can buy it at the supermarket nowadays. It has a lovely nutty flavour. It actually isn’t wheat at all, but is related to rhubarb. And it has no gluten. Therefore you can’t use it on its own in pancakes. To make the batter stick together you need another flour. I usually use spelt, but you can use normal flour. “

Push Push also doesn’t use milk, but sparkling water. The end result is a more spongy, slightly brittle pancake rather than a thin elastic one.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup flour (eg spelt) 1 cup buckwheat flour, 1 egg, 1 ½ cup of sparkling soda water. (you can also use water with lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of baking soda). Oil or butter for the pan.

Method:

Mix the flour and water to make a smooth batter. Add the egg and let it rest for 30 Minutes. (While waiting you can prepare the topping to go with the pancakes.)

Heat oil or butter in a pan over medium heat and add a ladle full of batter. Spread the batter around the pan so it coats the bottom nicely. Wait until it has dried from the underside, flip over and bake for another couple of minutes until it’s brown on this side as well. Put on a plate and cover with a clean teatowel to keep warm while you continue with the rest of the batter in the same way.

Push Push likes savoury toppings and she just tossed a few chopped garden vegetables like beans and zucchini and silverbeet stems in a pan heated with butter. Then she added the silverbeet leaves to wilt and finished it off with a dollop of sour cream.  This concoction went into the buckwheat pancakes. Before she served them she sprinkled grated cheese on top. But the pancakes can also be served with sugar and cinnamon.

buckwheat pancakes

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Hand Puppets, recipes

Monkey’s pancake business

January 17, 2015 //
0

monkey pancake

“Can I have pancakes now?” whined Monkey.

“No you can’t!” said Devil quickly, before Mouse could say yes. Obviously Devil had a bone to pick with Monkey. “Why not?” asked Monkey bewildered.

“Did Judy really say she can’t make pancakes?” Devil asked and looked directly into Monkey’s eyes. Monkey looked at Mouse and then to the floor. It seemed as if he was shrinking a little.

“No, she didn’t, did she?” Devil answered instead and Monkey knew he had been found out. “Did you actually talk to her? Or did you just use her name to put more weight behind your demand?”

Monkey continued looking at the floor and quietly said “maybe.”

The whole story didn’t sit right with Devil and he had figured out, when you are 350 years old, of course you must know how to make pancakes, particularly if you have such a fine pan.

“And worse,” Devil continued “you then called her racist!” Monkey looked up, eyes wide open. “I did not!” he cried defensively.

“You know” Devil said emphatically and wagged his finger right in Monkey’s face “we cannot condone this.”

“But I didn’t, honestly!” Monkey whimpered.

“Shush! It is such an old trick, when you don’t get your way: Just blame it on obvious differences and then call the other one a racist. That kills any discussion.”

“But I didn’t!” Monkey repeated. Mouse, who had listened to the conversation nodded, put her mitten on Devil’s arm and corroborated. “No, he didn’t! He said, as long as it is not motivated by racism, he can live with it.”

“But he still told us a fib to get his way” Devil said adamantly. “I can’t tolerate this either!”

“So, what shall we do?” Mouse asked.

Devil looked in the air for a while thinking about a punishment, then he said “Okay, Monkey has to apologise to Judy for using her well-known name to gain an advantage!”

“I apologise!” Monkey called out instantly. “And I didn’t call her racist. At least I didn’t mean to!”

Devil relaxed a little, but wasn’t entirely convinced it was good enough.

“Can I have a pancake now?” Monkey asked timidly. Devil didn’t answer but Mouse came round. “It’s good enough for me.  Fun, Peace and Pancakes, what else do you need?”

Ingredients

2 cups of flour, 2 eggs, 1/2 cup of water or milk or a mixture of both, salt (optional). Butter for the pan

Method

Pour flour in a bowl, add salt, mix in half the liquid with a wooden spoon. Do this little by little, thoroughly stirring to avoid lumps. Add the egg. Stir continuously until the egg is well integrated and then mix in the rest of the water. It should be a thin and runny batter. Add more water if need be.

In a pan heat up the butter with a medium heat until it melts and just starts to brown, then scoop a ladle full of batter into the pan. Tilt the pan around so that the bottom is well covered with the batter. Then wait until it dries from the underside. Flip the pancake over and bake for a further two minutes or so until it is golden brown.

Even though Monkey got his wish, he wasn’t happy eating the pancakes. We are not sure whether the recipe was too basic or because he was told off.

 

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes, Social Network

Give me a break

January 14, 2015 //
0

pig potaoe

They all stuffed their tummies with the delicious pizza and couldn’t move for a day. Mouse, being extremely conscientious about the project, tried to get them back on track and when Pig came in the kitchen dragging a big sack behind him, she asked for the next recipe.

“I want to have poatoes now!” he exclaimed and unpacked his bag on the bench. “If I have to eat one more thing made from water and flour…”

“Potato flour I would accept” said Mouse strictly. “But actual potatos? No!” she continued and pointed to the door.

“Bossy boots” he mumbled, and left.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Pizza

January 13, 2015 //
0

L'artiste pizza2

While they all loved L’Artiste’s pizza bread, it is not the same as a pizza. They begged him to come back the next day and run a pizza making workshop.

The first thing they learned is that people have different preferences when it comes to their pizza base. There is no right or wrong, just different likes. L’Artiste favours a thin and crunchy crust, as do most of the Dedes. If you like it more spongy, simply allow the dough to rise longer between kneading.

It takes L’Artiste exactly one hour from entering the kitchen to having the pizza on the table. So it’s not really a quick dinner, but time flies as the process is broken up into different tasks. He also considers pizza making a social event and loves having other people help chop up toppings while they chat away.

The dough is exactly the same as for the pizza bread yesterday, but because it is covered with juicy sauce and toppings it will need 20 minutes to bake. Once the pizza is in the oven there is plenty of time to clean the kitchen, throw together a nice side salad or simply have a glass of wine in anticipation. And when the kitchen is nice and tidy, the evening can begin!

Ingredients for one tray of pizza (two large or 4 small slices)

2 cups of flour, a scant teaspoon of dry yeast, 3/4 cup of warm water. Various toppings and grated cheese.

Method

Put the flour in the bowl and add half of the water and the yeast. Now you can do other chores for 15 minutes while the yeast becomes active. When the yeast is foamy, mix it with the flour, add the rest of the water and knead to an elastic dough. Let it rest to rise.

Switch the oven on to 2000C and attend to the sauce that goes on top of the base. L’Artiste usually fries some diced onions in olive oil and adds a can of diced tomatoes (yes, a can! He read somewhere that canned tomatoes have more lycopene than fresh tomatoes, but watch out for the salt content of the canned ones!). Then he adds the mediterranean selection of herbs… rosmary, sage, oregano, thyme..

While the sauce reduces, he chops the toppings everyone wants, or else whatever he can find in the fridge (at least a red pepper, onions and garlic). If he has helpers he just supervises this task and someone has to grate the cheese. He prefers a combination of edam cheese and goat cheese. But either or will do, though the correct cheese topping for a pizza is mozzarella. Fresh mozzarella is hard to come by where the Dedes live. The wonderful thing about pizza is that anything goes. If you like it, put it on!

After the chopping and grating is done, knead the dough again, roll it out to its final size and place it on the baking tray dusted with flour. Pour the sauce on, spreading it around. Then distribute the various toppings. Lastly, put the cheese on top. If the pizza is shared, and it mostly is, L’Artiste adds what everyone wants to different sections (There is always someone who doesn’t like olives, while the next one doesn’t like salami). He then cuts the pizza before it goes in the oven, which makes it easier to divide up once it is baked.

Bake for 20 minutes at 2000C.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes, Social Network, workshop

Pizza bread

January 12, 2015 //
0

sunny pizza

“Can we have pancakes now?” Monkey asked after he had just devoured three pita pockets filled with cheese and carrots.

“No, you have to wait” said Sunny who just happend to be passing by carrying a big flat box. “We haven’t even mentioned the most important food in the whole wide world.”

“What could this be?” Mouse wondered and looked at the list of recipes covered so far. There were crackers and pasta and buns and bread. All the basic foods you need.

“C’mon, what does everybody love?” asked Sunny expectantly.

“Chocolate?” answered Mouse a little unsure.

“I give up.” Sunny dropped the box on the table and threw his hands in the air. “What do you think is in my box? Pizza of course! ”

“Pizza!”, “Pizza!”, “Pizza!” the Dedes shouted excitedly and Monkey knew immediately he wouldn’t have a chance in hell of getting a pancake recipe today. “But then we can have some pancakes, right?” Mouse ignored his comment and turned to Sunny. “You’re right, that should be next so give me your recipe.”

“What recipe?” Sunny looked surprised. “I don’t make pizza, I eat it.” Mouse wondered how Sunny could afford to buy pizza all the time as he doesn’t have a job. He wants to be an artist and is waiting for his break. In the meantime he still lives at home and his mum does all the cooking when he doesn’t have pizza.

“Oh, dear.” Mouse felt like screaming, but then L’Artiste stepped forward and saved her from just doing that. “I know how to make pizza. I make it quite often in my studio. It’s perfect to eat between brush strokes.”

And then he told us what he puts on his pizza: salami and ham and olives and garlic and onions and red peppers and chilly and capers and anchovies and pineapple and artichokes and chicken and mussles and scampi and all covered with a thick layer of grated cheese. Everybody knew he was just dreaming as most of the time he is poor. Then he makes a pizza base, drizzles a little olive oil on top, sprinkles it with italian herbs and chops up a clove of garlic or two to finish it off. “That is delicious too, you know” he said, and we knew exactly that is what he has most of the time.

Even though it is a yeast dough, you don’t have to wait too long for the dough to rise, unless you want to have a really spongy pizza bread. The Dedes prefer the crunchy ones.

Ingredients

2 cups of flour, 1 scant teaspoon of dry yeast, 3/4 cup of warm water, garlic, herbs and oil to flavour

Method

Preheat the oven to 2000C.

Pour flour into a bowl, make a well in the middle. Add half the warm water and add the yeast. Let sit for at least 10 minutes so the yeast becomes active, which you can see when it becomes frothy. You don’t want to let it sit for too long.

While the yeast is doing its thing, chop garlic, place in a cup and pour oil over it. Add herbs to your liking. There is absolutely no precise measure for that, anything goes.

Mix the slushy yeast with the flour and add as much of the remaining water needed to make a dough that is not sticky. Knead well. Let sit for five to ten minutes and knead again.

Divide the dough into two balls and roll out with a rolling pin.

In a pizza shop the pizzas are always nice and round. Not at L’Artiste’s place. He rolls them out to a shape that lets him fit two side by side on a standard size baking tray. It might be a heart, or the map of Australia, whatever his creative mind comes up with. Then he places them on lightly floured tray and pours the oil/garlic/herb mixture on and spreads it around with a brush.

Bake for 12 mins.

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes, Social Network

More buns

January 10, 2015 //
3

techno man and milk bun

“With your buns you just add water to the flour” remarked Techno Man. “I wonder if my recipe is different. It has been in my family for generations.”

“Let me guess,” said Mouse, “ you are using butter and milk, right?”

“That’s it!” said Techno Man. “We use butter and milk. I think the recipe is really good and it comforts me that it is so old. It’s tried and trusted, it can’t be wrong! So, why are you using only water?”

Mouse explained that the original idea of this recipe collection was to demonstrate that you can easily make these staples at home, quickly and cheaply. The collection will become the Artist’s Survival Cookbook. The Dedes are annoyed to see a loaf of bread  in the supermarket costs $7 or a tiny packet of Grissini is $5. For the same price Mouse can buy a 5kg bag of flour and feed the troops for a couple of weeks. Of course, everybody knows that white flour is not the healthiest option. It basically has no nutritional value at all. It’s lack of nutritients is second only to sugar. Unfortunately the majority of baked goods you get in the supermarket and in most bakeries are made from white flour with a good measure of salt, sugar, hydrogenated fat, preservatives and other additives. The Dedes’ reasoning is that making it yourself doesn’t take long and you know exactly what’s in it. Once you realise how easy it is you might become more adventurous with different flours and flavours.

If you live on a tight budget, and you haven’t done much cooking before, it doesn’t make sense to start with a complicated meal. You don’t want to buy unusual ingredients, use a small amount and leave what’s left in the packets to rot in the pantry when you are not even sure if your meal will turn out okay or not.  Why not start with the simplest of recipes. If the no-egg pasta recipe doesn’t work, you might have to throw away 30c of flour (but what can go wrong with this recipe anyway?) If it works, you saved yourself $1.50 or so. If it is not to your taste, try egg pasta. (I have yet to find a person who doesn’t like my egg pasta, apart from a vegan or a gluten-intolerant person, of course! But I wouldn’t cook it for them).

You can only win. Involve your kids in making the food. Flat bread, for example, is so easy and they will love it. Next time you are in the shop, have a look at how much a packet of flat bread will set you back. I’ll bet if you make it according to our recipe it will cost you a fraction of that and it’s healthier. And not only will it feed you, it will also give you quality time with the kids.

“Are you actually answering my question, Mouse?” asked Techno Man impatiently.

“Ah, sorry” she said. “Was I raving on again? I am really passionate about the subject, you know. Of course there are other recipes, but using milk and butter makes the buns just a little bit more expensive.”

“But also better”

“Let the cooks be the judge of that. You never know what people like. Milk and butter make the dough heavier and not everyone favours that. I personally like the water ones. Other people prefer them because they are lactose intolerant or choose not to eat animal products.”

“I really like them as a condiment with a hearty soup. It makes a complete meal” Techno man insisted. “You are definitely right there.” Mouse agreed.

Ingredients

3 cups of flour, 50g butter, 250ml milk, 1 teaspoon of dry yeast, salt (optional)

Method

Warm up milk and butter in a pot. Make sure the milk is lukewarm only and the butter melted (If it is too hot you have to cool it down, as heat kills the yeast.) Pour the flour on to a flat surface. Make a well in the middle and pour in the milk/butter mix, add the yeast and let sit for 15 minutes. It will dissolve but won’t get quite as sloshy as with water and no butter. Knead to an elastic dough. Place the dough in a bowl, cover with a clean tea towel and let it rise for one or two hours.

Preheat oven to 200 0C. Knead again and form oblong buns. Place on a baking tray dusted with flour and let it rise again while the oven is heating up. Brush with milk and cut the surface lengthwise before you place them in the oven.

Bake for 20 minutes.

“I have to ask you” said Mouse after she had read the recipe. “Why does it say oblong buns? And you slit them lengthwise. Is there a reason?”

“None at all. It is just that it is such an old recipe and that is the classical look of a milk bun.” answered Techno Man.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Pretzels

January 9, 2015 //
0

deutsch pretzel

Granddad Max and Mouse were about to put a new batch of buns in the oven when Deutsch Fraulein came running along. “Stop, stop” she shouted waving frantically with her arms. “I want to show you something! This is my favourite recipe…”

Mouse and Granddad Max nearly dropped the tray. “Wait your turn.”

“No, really!” Deutsch Fraulein was short of breath and puffing. “You can turn these into pretzel buns and they will taste so much better.”

“Pretzel buns? What’s that?” Granddad Max obviously thought it was a new thing.

“You know, like the nibbles, the little pretzel bows you can buy in a packet. Where I come from they are much bigger, just like normal buns.” And then Deutsch Fraulein admitted that she missed them a lot. She had to learn how to make them as you couldn’t buy them here. Now you can, though, in a few places, but they’re so expensive Deutsch Fraulein can’t afford them.

“Are you sure it is the same recipe?” asked Mouse.

“Yes, absolutely” said Deutsch Fraulein. “The difference is, before you place them in the oven, you boil them for 1 minute in a solution of baking soda and water. Sounds strange, I know. Just trust me.”

Granddad Max and Mouse looked at each other and weren’t quite sure what to make of it.

“Just run the whole recipe past me again” asked Mouse. She wanted to check if it really was the same dough.

Ingredients

2.5 cups of flour, 1 cup of warm water (or half water and half milk) and 1 teaspoon of dry yeast. For the pretzel solution: 1.5 liters of water and 2 generously heaped table spoons of baking soda and rock salt to sprinkle on top

Method

Pour flour into a bowl, make a well in the middle and add half the water and the yeast. Let sit for 15 minutes until the yeast is sloshy.

Knead to a dough on a flat surface, adding the rest of the water. Then put it back into the bowl, cover with a clean tea towel and put in a warm place until it has doubled in size.

Knead again, divide into 8 balls and let rise once more.

Preheat the oven to 200 0C. At the same time prepare the pretzel solution: in a large pot pot bring water to the boil. Be very careful when you add the baking soda to the boiling water as it will foam.

After the buns have risen again, boil them in the baking soda solution for 1 minute. Then place on baking paper on a tray. Sprinkle with rock salt. You will need the salt to get the flavour. If you don’t want to eat so much salt you will have to scrape it off after baking.

With a sharp knife, cut an x on top of each one and then bake in the oven for 20 minutes.

“But why do you make pretzel buns not pretzels?” asked Mouse.

“It’s just a different shape” admitted Deutsch Fraulein “Keeping the shape of a pretzel when you are moving the risen pieces to the pot and back is a little trickier, but not a problem with a skimmer” She took one of the pieces of dough and turned it into a real pretzel.

“The boiling in the brine makes it a pretzel. You can make any shape, of course, but nothing beats the real pretzels with the thin crunchy bit on one side and the softer part on the other where you can put your spreads.”

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Basic loaf of bread

January 6, 2015 //
4

mouse bread copy

“I think it’s my turn now. We need a good solid bread recipe” Mouse remarked, after she had tried all the recipes with just water, flour and some sort of fat, but no leavening agent.

“Do you have a bread making machine?” Nitpicker asked. “I don’t need one.” Mouse replied proudly. “I am a purist. I love kneading the dough.” Mouse is indeed constantly baking bread, just in case visitors drop by. As she never knows how much she will need, she usually bakes two loaves. One goes in the freezer and the other one stays in the bread box to be eaten. When the first one is almost finished she gets the other one out of the freezer and by the time it is required, it will be defrosted. Sometimes she bakes three times a week. But it’s not really a big deal as the dough doesn’t need to be handled much. It mainly sits around rising and Mouse can do other things in the meantime.

“I will write down my basic recipe” Mouse said as she put pen to paper. “Once you have done a few loaves you will become more adventurous with your breads. Feel free to experiment with different flours or add linseed or sunflower seeds to the mix, anything you want that your family eats. I personally like caraway seeds in my bread. It helps digestion but it’s not everybodies kettle of fish.”

“So what do I have to watch out for when you can alter the flour as one pleases and add more stuff?” asked Nitpicker, who really feels unsure when instructions are too vague.

“You need to have a good amount of glutenous flour, ie. white flour or whole meal flour, rye flour, spelt or barley. Gluten has a bad reputation but it helps the dough to rise, and gives it shape and a chewy texture. So don’t replace all the flour with gluten free types, though you can add some, for example buckwheat flour.

“And then you have to give it time to rise. Please also be aware that your yeast might be different from the brand I use and might behave differently. For example, some dry yeasts can be mixed with the flour and you don’t need to slosh it up before you knead your dough. The brand I use doesn’t contain anything except dried active yeast and salt and I definitely get the best results when I allow it to foam in liquid first. The same company that produces my yeast puts out a special yeast for bread making and this one also contains wheat flour, emulsifiers (481, 472e), flour treatment agent (ascorbic acid), sugar, vegetable oil and enzymes, as well as yeast. Personally, I am happy with my bread and others love it too, so I don’t see the need to add all that stuff to it. I recommend you try the recipe by the book and if the result isn’t quite what you expect, make some slight changes next time. If the final product clearly tastes yeasty, use less yeast next time. If it doesn’t rise much, use more. But don’t give up. And though you might not believe it, it also mightn’t have worked perfectly just because you baked on a very humid day.

Ingredients

5 cups of white flour and 2 cups of whole meal flour, 2 teaspoons of dry yeast, approximately 3 cups of water, salt (optional). Water to brush on the loaves.

Note: the proportions of the two types of flour are not that important as long as they combine to 7 cups. Use more whole meal for a heavier bread and more white flour for a lighter one.

Method

Combine the two flours in a large bowl and mix thoroughly with a fork. Make a well in the middle and add 1 cup of lukewarm water and the yeast. Let sit for 10 minutes until the yeast looks like sloshy foam. Then mix water and flour together and add the rest of the water. Transfer to a flat surface and knead throroughly for 5 to 10 minutes. I quite enjoy the kneading process. It can be very therapeutic when you’ve had a stressful day.

Place the dough back in the bowl. Cover with a clean tea towel and let it sit in a warm place. The dough will rise to double its size, so it is important you have a big enough bowl. Let it sit for roughly an hour or longer if you want. You can even leave it over night and bake in the morning. Nothing is as nice as fresh bread, still warm from the oven.

Preheat the oven to 210 oC

Take the dough out of the bowl and knead again. Add the salt now, if you want to add salt. Sprinkle flour on a baking tray. Divide the dough into two loaves and place on the baking tray. They will fit side by side on one tray. Let the loaves rise for another 10-15 Minutes until they have has visibly enlarged. The oven should have heated up to the right temperature during this time.

Brush the loaves with water (this will give the bread a crust). Cut the surface diagonally with a sharp knife. I also place a water-filled ramikin on the baking tray for extra crunchiness.

Bake for 45 minutes.

Let cool on a rack.

“I am a little dissappointed” Devil said. “I was hoping you will give us your really yummy sour dough bread recipe. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate here, as sour dough is nothing but water and flour?”

“Yes,” said Mouse, “your are right, but we are only at the beginning. A sour dough starter takes a few days to develop as it works with wild yeasts from the air. Also, you need to use rye flour instead of white flour. We will look at it later. In the meantime let’s take the short cut and use dry yeast.”

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes
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