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In or out?

February 13, 2015 //
0

cash cow and mouse

Mouse has been busy looking after the garden this week. We had a spell of high winds that wrecked havoc with the vegetable patch. Anyway, while she was out there tidying up she thought about the Artist’s survival cookbook and how she could define what recipes should be eligible for inclusion and what should be excluded. It’s a pretty hard decision. As you may have realised, Mouse has trouble saying no to anyone. It came to a crunch when Punch Drunk made a “milk tert”. All the Dedes loved the recipe and wanted to have it included. But somehow it didn’t sit right with Mouse, who is the edtior of the book. So it was good for her to get out into the garden, raking and hoeing and thinking it through.

Last night she came back inside and said, “Okay!” The intonation of this word was so firm and definitive, that all the Dedes turned around and listened. Mouse was surprised by the attention she got and continued: “Our aim is to make a cook book with simple, cheap but delicious recipes that contain mainly flour and water.  They might also have milk, egg, butter or oil in them which are considered basic foods. As you all know, I am not a big fan of sugar, but if a recipe requires a little sugar, that’s fine too. First and foremost, the main ingredient should be flour.” Punch Drunk knew this meant the milk tert is out, as it is bascially milk and sugar with eggs and a little flour. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fair enough! I can still make it for the Dedes when I feel like it.”

“Right” said Cash Cow. “I wanted to make a silverbeet quiche this weekend because the silverbeet is growing like there is no tomorrow and I believe a pie or quiche base should be in the book. But then the main ingredient will be silverbeet. Shall I forget about it?”

Mouse looked insecure again. Obviously in her mind it was very clear what she wanted, but Cash Cow had a point.

Philosopher came to Mouse’s aid. A pie base should definitely be in the book. It is such a basic and versatile recipe. You can have so many different toppings on your pie. The silverbeet is just one suggestion, isn’t it. What’s important is that you know how to make the base.”

Mouse agreed.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Creative Writing, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Gardening success

February 9, 2015 //
0

giant zucchini

Punch Drunk has figured out what went wrong with his recipe. It was just a tad too runny. But he still liked what he cooked and it got eaten anyway. Last night he finally caught up with Mouse and wanted tell her about his findings and discuss the amendments to the recipe. She wasn’t particularly interested. She was standing next to a giant zucchini she had just found in the garden and scratching her head. It took Devil, Witch and her half an hour to carry it from the garden into the kitchen on the first floor, as it weights a whopping 2700 grams. That is far more than the three of them together. Not surprisingly they were puffing, cursing and swearing while they heaved it up from one step to the next. “I don’t know what I can do with that one” said Mouse when they finally had it on the chopping board. “I have no idea how I could have overlooked it. It’s grown so big!”

Just as a reminder, the photo below shows Mouse proudly presenting the first zucchini of the season just after Christmas. And the Dedes have been eating zucchini ever since.

first zucchini

 

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Categories Art, Comedy, gardening, Hand Puppets, Life

Punch cake

February 8, 2015 //
1

punch cake

The other day, Australian Punch sent us a recipe Judy had asked him to pass on. It is a South African recipe with Dutch roots and sounded really good. Punch Drunk immediately held his hand up to try it and report back. After all, they are namesakes, though all the Dedes believe Punch Drunk got a few more whacks over his head by his Judy. This morning he counted how many eggs we had in the egg bowl, and yes, there were enough. He checked all the other ingredients as well and put them on the counter. Everything was there, except for vanilla essence. Then he copied the recipe from the message and showed it to Mouse for approval. “That sounds yummy indeed” Mouse said. “However, there might be a bit too much sugar in it and then I am not sure about the vanilla essence.”

“I found a passion fruit in the fridge. Could I use this for flavour?” asked Punch Drunk. Mouse recommended that when one cooks a recipe for the first time one should actually stick to the recipe to experience how the result should look and taste. The next time he could make changes. While they were discussing the passion fruit, Mouse noticed that in the recipe the eggs were separated and beaten separately. “Make sure” she reminded Punch Drunk “that no egg yolk gets into the egg whites and you need to beat the whites until they form stiff peaks. If the egg white is spoilt, with even the tiniest amount of yolk, it won’t happen. Also, clean your egg beater thoroughly should you beat anything that contains fat before you do the whites.” Punch Drunk listened carefully and nodded. He was rearing to get to work. Mouse left the kitchen to do other things.

So he followed the recipe and when he was half way through, he realised there was milk on the ingredient list, but it didn’t say at what point to add it. He called out to Mouse for help, but she was nowhere to be seen. “Ah well,” he shrugged his shoulders, “I’ll just do what I think” and added the milk and the passion fruit as well. It’s better to continue than throw out some perfectly good eggs and starting again.

When the cake came out of the oven it smelt delicious but was a bit runny. So he decided not to publish the recipe just yet and confer with Australian Punch first to see where he went wrong.

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Bechamel Sauce (Basic white sauce)

February 3, 2015 //
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mouse rob bechamel

Usually Rob D Light waits until everybody has left the kitchen before he sneaks in and makes his meals. Like he did last night. He had “found” this huge marrow in the garden and wanted to cook it up. Mouse was still sitting in the dining room leafing through the recipes when she heard the pots and pans being handled in the kitchen, and the fridge door being opened and closed.

“What are you doing?” she asked Rob D Light who got a big fright. “Um, I am making myself a meal.” Rob is very shy as he has to deal with a lot of prejudice. Mouse saw the marrow on the cutting board. “Are you just frying this in oil?” she asked curiously.

“No, I am making a bechamel sauce with it today,” answered Rob. “Oh dear.” Mouse looked as if she had been hit by lightning. Rob was delighted that someone was interested in his work and thought Mouse was impressed with his cooking skills. “It is not that difficult” he said proudly. “No, I know,” said Mouse. “I just realised this is another recipe we don’t have in our collection yet. And it is so versatile.” They both agreed the name bechamel sounds magic, but in effect it is the most basic white sauce you can make.

“Once you know how to make this sauce, you can add all sorts of things: spices or cheese or capers or anchovies. You can even turn it into soup, if you add more water.”

“Yes,” said Mouse excitedly. “When I make Lasagne, I make this sauce and add a cup of cheese.”

“You really have to add some sort of flavour” said Rob. “On it’s own it is pretty bland. But it is good starting point. Today I am adding a bit of cheese as well and will pour it over the chopped marrow then bake it in the oven for 35 minutes”

Mouse asked Rob to give her a quick run-down on how he makes his sauce. He prefers milk when he uses it with vegetables, but you also can use the water you boiled your vegetables in, for example asparagus, or just plain water.

“What about the proportions of butter to flour?” asked Mouse. “Personally, I use equal amounts.”

“It’s not hard and fast, but you can use up to 3 parts flour to 2 parts butter. And with the liquid, you just add as much as you need for your desired texture.”

Ingredients

1 tablespoon of butter, 1.5 tablespoons of flour, 1 cup of water or milk (nutmeg, pepper optional).

Method

This sauce requires constant stirring!

Over a medium heat melt the butter in a saucepan. With a wooden spoon stir the flour into the melted butter until it turns into a well combined paste. Cook ans stir until it bubbles slightly, but make sure it doesn’t turn brown. Add the milk, a quarter cup at a time, and stir until it is well mixed into the paste without lumps before you add the next portion. When all the milk has been added, bring to a boil and it will thicken nicely. Add nutmeg and pepper to taste, lower the heat and cook for two or three minutes longer. If you want to make a cheese sauce, add half a cup of grated cheese at this point. It is done, when the cheese is melted.

Note: If you want to flavour the bechamel sauce, add the flavours of your choice after the sauce has thickened.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes, Self-publishing

Publishing process

February 1, 2015 //
2

mouse devil reading book

“We won’t get 101 recipes” said Mouse again and looked at her list. “I think we have twenty-five or so.”

“There are still a few to come” said Witch. “I definitely want to do my teff custard”. Witch is the one that tries all sort of different flours. Teff is her favourite. It is an Ethiopian highland grain and is gluten-free, but has the stickiness of gluten. It is often used in gluten-free flour mixes, but it is hard to come by on its own and very expensive. For this reason, Mouse, who is a frugal Dede,  doesn’t want to include anything with teff flour in the book.

“But we have to talk about different flours in the book” insisted Witch. “And, okay, I have already published the teff custard on October 2013. I’ll just link to it here.”

“I think it is time to discuss how we make the book. We have enough material. Quality is better than quantity and our readers might be getting sick of all these flour and water recipes” continued Mouse.

Harvey, the rabbit, came into the room and said “but I want to make a yeast plait that you eat at Easter”. “And I want to make profiterole” chimed in Loudmouth, the chicken. “We haven’t even made any dumplings except for the bread dumplings” called someone from the back. “There are still more recipes to come!”

“Do we need to publish them all on the blog?” asked Mouse. “I am starting to worry about how we design the book. I have to get on with the editing. Do we just collate all the stories we have here, or what?” Mouse looked around for a response. She is not confident enough to make such far-reaching decisions on her own.

No answers were forthcoming so Devil, who has no problem with decision-making, stepped in. “Personally, I think the Dedes should be in the book, but we might rewrite the story a little to make it smoother. At the moment we just have blog posts. This doesn’t make a book!” He commended Mouse for all her valuable input into the recipes and how she explained what to watch out for, but he thinks it needs to be streamlined. The others agreed. Detail piped up and said “But if we don’t have 101 recipes the title doesn’t work anymore. Didn’t we want to call the book The Artist’s survival cookbook or 101 recipes with flour and water?”

“I noticed that too” said Philosopher. “What do you think about the title The Artist’s survival cookbook or how to make a crust”

“We could also call it The Artist’s survival cookbook or living on the breadline” said L’Artiste who knows a thing or two about that.

“See?” Mouse was happy that the discussion finally started. “There are so many decisions to make. The title, and then the question, do we have to photograph everything again? How do we want to design the book? How are we going to publish it?”

“Do you really think our readers are interested in all this?” asked Philosopher. “Shouldn’t we discuss all this amongst ourselves?”

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, Promotion, recipes, Self-publishing

Toast bread

January 30, 2015 //
0

mr vague research

“We won’t get 101 recipes together” lamented Mouse. “We are already scraping the bottom of the barrel with our left-over recipes.”

“I have another one” called Mr Vague. “At least I think it is different.”

Mouse was surprised, as Mr Vague never puts his hand up for anything. Besides, the kitchen is not his favourite place. He prefers to sit on the garden fence and watch the world go by, waiting for a better day. This time he seemed keen to participate. As he lacked his own ideas he combed through old recipe books looking for an easy-to-make bread. Sure enough, he found a toast bread that was as plain as himself. He believes old equals trusted so he expected a good result. But when he tasted the finished product he really didn’t like it much. Disappointed, he chucked it in the chicken bin. Witch was furious when she saw the wasted bread.

“It can’t be that bad,” she said “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s too buttery” Mr Vague answered meekly. “And you can’t toast it. It’s too crumbly, it falls apart” he added. Witch looked at the book and saw immediately what the mistake in the recipe was. It is a yeast dough and it has to rise twice, but the book only mentioned it once. “And 90 grams of butter, yes, you are right, that is a bit much. Just use less.”

“I am not doing it again” said Mr Vague and went to leave for the garden. “Yes you are,” insisted Witch. “Otherwise you will think you can’t bake, but in truth it was the recipe that was wrong.”

Reluctantly Mr Vague got all the ingredients out and tried again. “Knead thoroughly and give it time to rise” Witch said, when she left him to it. Indeed, she was right, the bread worked perfectly this time.

Mr vague unveiling

Ingredients

6 cups of flour, 2 teaspoons of dry yeast, 2 cups of warm milk (or milk and water), 1 tablespoon of butter. Milk to brush on the surface.

You also need a non-stick loaf pan (or a loaf pan and baking paper)

Method

Pour flour into a bowl, make a well in the middle, add half the liquid and the dry yeast. Let it sit for 20 minutes until the yeast is sloshy. Stir the liquid into the flour and transfer to a flat surface. Knead everything to an elastic dough while adding the rest of the liquid. Knead for five minutes, then put the dough back into the bowl and cover with a clean tea towel. Let it rise in a warm place for one to two hours.

Preheat oven to 180 0C

Knead again and place in a baking tray (lined with baking paper if it isn’t non-stick). Let it rest again until the dough has risen to twice its size. Brush milk on the surface and bake for 1 hour.

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Categories Absurd, Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

French Toast

January 29, 2015 //
0

french toast court jester

“I have a good one” called Court Jester “if you want to give stale bead a second life!” He was preparing something on the stove top and delicious smells eminated from the pan. Mouse went over to have a look. “Ah she said “I know that one, it’s French toast, isn’t it?” Court Jester nodded affirmatively.

“Not so much my thing” said Mouse, “but I know a few people who love it”

“Including me” said Court Jester and transferred the finished toast onto a plate. He couldn’t help to grin in anticiapation. Mouse looked at the recipe. “My one is slightly different. You coat it with bread crumbs, after you soaked it in the egg/milk mixture.”

“This doesn’t sound right to me.” remarked Court Jester “I like my recipe as it is”  and he had a first big bite.

Ingredients

4 slices of slightly stale bread, 2 eggs, ½ cup milk, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, Butter

Method

In a bowl big enough to accommodate the size of bread your are using, whisk together the eggs, milk, and cinnamon. Place each slice of bread into the mixture and allow the bread to soak up some of it. Make sure it doesn’t get too soggy.

Melt butter in a large pan over medium high heat. Shake off the excess, and place the bread slices in the pan. Fry until it is browned on one side, then flip and brown the other side.

Serve hot with butter, honey, jam or fresh berries.

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, recipes

Croutons

January 27, 2015 //
0

boss man croutons

“We should have a section on what to do with left-overs!” Devil suggested. Mouse had mentioned yesterday that she chucks her left-over bread in the blender to make bread crumbs. Bread dumplings, too, give stale bread a delicious second life. Today Calamity came forward and said she finds the recipes too difficult as she is a catastrophy in the kitchen. But she can use her left over bread to make croutons. That is easy enough. These little toasted bread pieces are lovely to sprinkle over a salad or put in soups for a crunchy extra. It is so easy she doesn’t even need a recipe and simply told Mouse “Just cut the stale bread up into little squares, heat up some butter in a pan, add the bread pieces and toss and turn them until they have a nice brown colour and smell delicious. Let them cool as they are soft when they are warm and only go crunchy when cooled.”

“No, no, no” cried Boss Man who is of the opinion Calamity can’t do anything right. “That’s not how you make croutons.” He pushed Calamity to the side. “You heat the oven to 1800C. Melt the butter in a ramekin in the oven. When the butter is melted, brush it on both sides of the stale bread, cut the bread up into little pieces and place on a baking tray. Bake for 15 minutes or until nicely browned.” He looked expectantly at Mouse and asked, “So, which recipe do you think is better?”

Mouse didn’t want to favour anyone and said “The one on the stove top might soak up more butter, but you know, when you don’t have an oven, what can you do?”

“Who in this day and age doesn’t have an oven?” asked Boss Man.

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Soft noodles (Spätzle)

January 25, 2015 //
0

deutsch Fraulein potato press2

“Yesterday you said all the recipes are easy” called Deutsch Fraulein. “But I know one that is difficult to master.” Mouse looked at her expectantly and asked, “Made of flour, water and egg? I find that hard to believe!”

“Yes, precisely,” answered Deutsch Fraulein. “Where I come from we eat soft noodles called Spaetzle. They are fantastic with lentils for a cheap and healthy meal. As they are very porous they love to swim in sauce. They soak it up.” She gave Mouse the recipe. Mouse read it and looked very confused. “Yes,” said Deutsch Fraulein “they are a bit messy to make as the batter is very soft and it is best if you have a potato press. It’s even better if you have an experienced person to show you how it’s done.” The difficulty with this recipe is in getting the texture of the batter right. It can’t be too thin or too thick. But when it works, they are delicious.

“There is also salt in it” Mouse pointed out. “Do we need this? You know some of us have be careful with our blood pressure.”

“Yeah” said Deutsch Fraulein. “I would put it in. I personally find them a bit bland otherwise. But isn’t it the same with sugar? When you do so much home cooking, you cut out all the salt that’s in processed food, so this bit little won’t hurt, right?”

“I guess so” said Mouse. She still wasn’t sure whether a difficult recipe should be included, but then, who doesn’t like a challenge? “Apart from lentils, what else can you have with these soft noodles?”

Deutsch Fraulein’s eyes lit up and she explained that Spaetzle can be used as condiment for any dish that would go with pasta, though it’s best if the dish has a thick sauce. For a very cheap and filling meal, fry chopped onions in a good helping of butter and add breadcrumbs. Fry until the bread crumbs are saturated with butter and smell nicely toasted. Pour over the Spaetzle.

Or place a layer of Spaetzle in an oven-proof dish, cover with grated cheese, add another layer of Spaetzle and another layer of cheese. Bake at 2000 C until the cheese has melted.

In the end, Deutsch Fraulein said “I strongly recommend a huge side salad with these meals! Never forget to eat your greens!”

Ingredients (for 2 people)

1 cup of flour, 1 egg, 1 teaspoon of salt, scant cup of water.

You also need either a thin wooden cutting board and a long knife or a potato press with medium sized holes or a colander and a spatula.

Method

Pour flour into a bowl. Add the salt. With a wooden spoon stir in the water little by little. Just enough so it feels and looks like a very stodgy porridge. Stir in the egg and then use the wooden spoon to beat the hell out of the batter. Beat it until it comes away easily from the side of the bowl and little air bubbles rise to the surface when you stop beating.

Let the batter rest for half an hour. In the meantime you can prepare the lentils or whatever you want to eat with your Spaetzle.

Prepare a bowl with cold water to spoon the finished Spaetzle into and bring a big pot of water (at least 2 liters) to the boil. The Spaetzle love space.

Now the tricky part starts. If you have no other utensils, use a thin wooden board. Wet it with water and smear the batter on the board. Use a long knife and slice off a piece of batter and push it into the hot water. Continue until all the batter is in the water. The process is much easier and faster if you have a potato press with medium sized holes. Just fill the press with the batter and press into the boiling water. (But make sure you move the press in a circular motion over the pot while pressing to avoid dropping all the batter in the same spot in the pot. If this happens you will end up having one doughy blob instead of noodles). The third option is to fill a colander with the batter, hold it over the pot, and with the spatula force the batter through the holes into the water below. With the last option you will end up with short Spaetzle.

The batter sinks to the bottom of the pot and the noodles are done when they float back to the top. This won’t take long at all. Scoop the finished Spaetzle out of the pot with as slotted spoon and put it into the bowl of cold water you prepared earlier. Then spoon them onto a warm plate and they are done. Make sure you shake the water off well.

If they get too cold you can reheat them in a skillet with a little butter.

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Categories Art, Books, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes

Egg pasta

January 23, 2015 //
0

Mouse pasta

“Enough of the sweet stuff” Mouse squealed. “Have you noticed we haven’t even published our staple food?” She looked at the recipe list in disbelieve.

“What would that be?” asked Devil looking over her shoulder trying to glimpse what’s been published so far.

“Pasta” replied Mouse.

“But we had pasta! Remember? Right at the beginning.”

“Yes, but that was no egg pasta. Now that we have started using eggs we can finally make our famous egg pasta public”

Egg pasta is such a common thing for the Dedes they nearly forgot about it. It only takes them 5 minutes to make, though they do have a pasta machine. Mouse demonstrated and took a picture of the dough before and after using the pasta machine. You can use different flours such as wholemeal or spelt, or mix some buckwheat with normal flour. Anything. Once you know what the dough should look and feel like it is easy to add other ingredients.

dough noodle machine

Ingredients

1 cup of flour, 1 large egg, dash of water

Method

Knead all the ingredients together to form an elastic ball. Only add water if necessary and only enough for the dough to stick together. It should not be sticky at all, but rather dry. Divide into two, roll out with a rolling-pin. Fold over, roll out again, fold over, roll out again, fold over…. you get the picture. This is the part where the pasta machine comes in handy. You have to repeat the procedure until you have a very smooth piece of dough (pictured above). With the machine, you just wind it through, fold over and wind it through again. Once the dough has the right consistency you will have to roll it out as thin as possible. With the machine you wind it through, increase the pressure by one notch and wind it through again until you have the desired thickness. Cut the dough into strips and hang up to dry. You can place a clean tea towel over the back of a chair and place the dough strips on the tea towel, or you can hang it up on a pasta drying rack.

Bring a pot of water to the boil and while you are waiting for that prepare the sauce you want to have with your pasta.

When the water is boiling place pasta in the water and cook for 5 to 7 minutes.

Mouse’s favourite dish is pasta doused with garlic and chillies fried in olive oil. Simple, but yummy.

 

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Categories Absurd, Art, Comedy, Fun, Hand Puppets, Life, recipes
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