Archives for category: Absurd

king crumpets

All the Dedes gathered in the kitchen to try the sweeter stuff that was currently on offer. King tried a bit of this and a bit of that but nothing seemed to satisfy his tastebuds. “You know” he said, “when I was a little prince, we had crumpets as a special treat for breakfast.”

“Crumpets? What’s that?” asked Deutsch Fraulein.

“I don’t know what they’re made of” said King. “It must be more than flour and water. I remember them as the most delicious Sunday breakfast” He paused for a while and everyone could see that in his mind’s eye he was being served a tower of delicious crumpets by his butler. “They are very similar to American pancakes but definitely not the same. They are really spongy with a honeycomb surface that soaks up any topping” he concluded.

“What do you have them with?”

“Butter or cream cheese and jam.”

Liar, who is a bit of a snob and pretends to be from a posh family, stepped forward and said, “I know how to make crumpets. And they do fit the profile.” He told the others that crumpets are a rather strange combination of a yeast dough and a baking soda batter. Like pancakes, they are baked on the stove top but they don’t contain eggs.

“Now that sounds interesting” said Mouse. “I definitely want to have that recipe!”

“As with any yeast dough they do take a little while to make, so they are good for a Sunday brunch rather than for everyday breakfast,” Liar explained as he handed over his recipe. “But you can make lots and put them in the fridge, and reheat them in the toaster over the next few days.

Ingredients

1½ cups flour, ½ cup hot water and ½ cup milk, 1 teaspoon of sugar, 2 teaspoons dry yeast. ½ teaspoon baking soda, ½ cup of warm water. Butter for the pan.

Place the flour in a bowl. Make a well in the middle. Mix hot water and milk to create a lukewarm liquid (if necessary heat it up a little) and pour into the well. Add sugar and yeast. Leave in a warm place for about 10 minutes until it is sloshy.

Mix yeast with flour until it becomes a soft dough. It’s best done with your hands, though it is really sticky. The texture is more like a very thick pancake mix than a bread dough. Cover the bowl with a tea towel and put in a warm place to rise for an hour, or until it has doubled in size.

Dissolve the baking soda in warm water and stir into the yeast dough. It doesn’t combine easily, you need to be persistent. Cover with a tea towel and leave to rest for 30 minutes.

The batter is soft and won’t keep it’s shape well when placed in the frying pan. If you have some egg rings for poached eggs, they are ideal for containing the batter and make the crumpets nice and round. If you don’t have egg rings, you can cut a clean tomato tin up into rings (make sure there are no sharp egdges that can cut you). Grease the rings and place them in a frying pan. If you aren’t fussed about getting the perfect circular shape you don’t need to use rings :)

Fill each ring with some batter. The batter will rise while cooking and the crumpet dries from the bottom up. Bubbles come to the surface and pop, which gives the crumpets their distinct honeycomb surface. At this stage remove the ring, flip the crumpet over to cook the other side for a minute or so.

You can eat them immediately, or cool on a wire rack and reheat in the toaster later. If you eat them straight from the pan you don’t even need a topping.

“Only a King, with servants, could crave for crumpets.” Deutsch Fraulein said, after she had read the recipe. “No-one else would go to all that trouble.” After she had sampled them, she changed her mind.

foxy lady muffins2

Push Push appreciated that Nosy Neighbour had simply left the sugar out when he made American pancakes (or piklets, the name she knew them by). She never would have dared to alter the recipe, but he was right, it didn’t change the texture at all. She devoured them with a topping of mixed fruit and yoghurt rather than jam. Nosy Neighbour told her that when he was in America he ate them with real maple syrup, but this is far too expensive here. “And the production of maple syrup is environmentally questionable” added Foxy Lady who was passing by. She glanced at Nosy Neigbour’s recipe and said, “Blimey! That looks very similar to my muffin recipe, except there is less liquid in my muffins and they’re baked in a muffin tray in the oven.”

Push Push pricked her ears up as she loves muffins too, though like every other elephant she has to watch her weight. So can’t have them too often. “Can you simply leave out the sugar in muffins as well?” she asked excitedly.

“If you want to have them sweet and not savoury, it’s not that easy. With pancakes you have sweet toppings, so you don’t realise where the sweetness comes from. But you usually eat muffins without anything on them, so the sweetness needs to be inside. However, if you want to avoid sugar you can replace it by mashing up a banana or two and mixing them into the batter. They are sweet and you also get some vitamins and additional flavour.”

“We don’t want to have sugary recipes” said Mouse “When I eat refined sugar, my joints hurt.”

“Everything in moderation” answered Foxy Lady. “You are right, sugar is poison for the body as it depletes it of vitamins and has absolutly no nutritional value. But with your home cooking at least you know how much sugar you put into your food. Half a cup of sugar in eight muffins that you share around won’t hurt. That’s less than what’s in a glass of the fizzy drink people like so much!”

“Come on then.” Mouse held her hand out to Foxy Lady. “Give me your muffin recipe.”

As Foxy Lady handed over the sheet of paper she explained the importance of thoroughly mixing all the dry ingredients in one bowl and all the wet ingredients in a separate bowl. Once the content of the two bowls are combined you need to work fast and resist stirring too much.

“Yes,” confirmed Mouse. Professor already explained why when he did his scones.”

While Foxy Lady’s recipe was for simple plain muffins, she admitted she never makes the plain ones. She adds all sorts of things she finds in the cupboard to the dry mix, like cocoa or a pinch of chilli pepper and a dash of ground allspice. When she leaves out the sugar and adds banana or other fruit instead, it has to be added to the wet mixture. “I hope it all makes sense and it gives you an idea about what you can try to suit your own taste” said Foxy Lady finishing her speech.

“If you have never made muffins before, make the simple ones first” recommended Mouse. “And when you know what the batter should look and feel like, you can start replacing and adding.”

To make it easier to get the muffins out of the muffin tray in one piece, Foxy Lady places folded up squares of baking paper in the tray first.

Ingredients

2 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of Baking Soda, half a cup of sugar, 1 cup of milk (or mixture of water and milk), 1 egg, 20g melted butter. Baking paper.

Method

Preheat the oven to 2200C. Place a ramekin with the butter in the oven and it will melt nicely while you mix the other ingredients.

Line the muffin tray with baking paper.

Place all the dry ingredients in a big bowl and mix well using a fork. (The bowl must be big enough to accommodate the wet ingedients later as well)

In a different bowl, whisk the egg lightly, mix in the milk and finally stir in the melted butter.

Then pour the wet ingredients into the bowl that contains the dry ingredients and mix it with a few turns of the spoon. Make sure all the dry ingredients are wetted through without overdoing it. Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin tray. Fill each mould up 2/3. The muffins will rise when baking.

Bake in the oven for 20 Minutes.

american pancakes

“These aren’t pancakes” Nosy Neighbour shook his head in disgust after he tried what Push Push called the best pancakes ever. She has refined them with a savoury topping made from mixed garden vegetables in sour cream. “Pancakes need to be fluffy and light and smaller. And you have them for breakfast, not dinner, with lashings of honey or butter.”

“No you don’t” Push Push huffed. “They should be a light healthy base for a quality topping. Not some unhealthy sponge without nutritional value that might fill you up but doesn’t sustain you.

“You can’t be good all the time. You have to have some fun and eat comfort food. Life is too short!” retorted Nosy Neighbour. Mouse reminded them they should be open minded about each others recipes. There is no right and wrong. “Have you ever tried American pancakes?” asked Nosy Neighbour now. Poor Push Push turned scarlett as she had to admit she hadn’t.

“I’ll make you some” offered Nosy Neighbour kindly “and because you want to be healthy I’ll make them without sugar. Sugar just adds sweetness, but doesn’t make a difference to the texture.”

Ingredients

1 cup of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, (1/2 teaspoon salt and 2 tablespoons of caster sugar if you want), 1 cup of milk, 2 tablespoons of melted butter and 1 lightly beaten egg. Oil or butter for the pan.

Method

Mix the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt and caster sugar) in a large bowl. In a separate bowl lightly whisk together the milk and egg, then stir in the melted butter. (I melt the butter in the pan I use for baking later. This saves on dishes)

Pour the runny mixture into the dry mixture and stir with a fork until you have a smooth batter. Make sure there are no lumps. Let the batter stand for a few minutes.

Heat a pan and melt a little butter or oil over a medium heat. When it is hot, add a ladle of batter (or two if there is enough space for two pancakes at once). It should be a thickish blob which will rise further due to the baking powder. When the top of the pancake begins to bubble, turn it over and cook until both sides are golden brown and the pancake has risen to about 1cm thickness.

They taste best fresh out the pan.

Push Push was surprised to find out she actually had eaten them before, but where she comes from they are called piklets and she always loved them.

monkey pancake

“Can I have pancakes now?” whined Monkey.

“No you can’t!” said Devil quickly, before Mouse could say yes. Obviously Devil had a bone to pick with Monkey. “Why not?” asked Monkey bewildered.

“Did Judy really say she can’t make pancakes?” Devil asked and looked directly into Monkey’s eyes. Monkey looked at Mouse and then to the floor. It seemed as if he was shrinking a little.

“No, she didn’t, did she?” Devil answered instead and Monkey knew he had been found out. “Did you actually talk to her? Or did you just use her name to put more weight behind your demand?”

Monkey continued looking at the floor and quietly said “maybe.”

The whole story didn’t sit right with Devil and he had figured out, when you are 350 years old, of course you must know how to make pancakes, particularly if you have such a fine pan.

“And worse,” Devil continued “you then called her racist!” Monkey looked up, eyes wide open. “I did not!” he cried defensively.

“You know” Devil said emphatically and wagged his finger right in Monkey’s face “we cannot condone this.”

“But I didn’t, honestly!” Monkey whimpered.

“Shush! It is such an old trick, when you don’t get your way: Just blame it on obvious differences and then call the other one a racist. That kills any discussion.”

“But I didn’t!” Monkey repeated. Mouse, who had listened to the conversation nodded, put her mitten on Devil’s arm and corroborated. “No, he didn’t! He said, as long as it is not motivated by racism, he can live with it.”

“But he still told us a fib to get his way” Devil said adamantly. “I can’t tolerate this either!”

“So, what shall we do?” Mouse asked.

Devil looked in the air for a while thinking about a punishment, then he said “Okay, Monkey has to apologise to Judy for using her well-known name to gain an advantage!”

“I apologise!” Monkey called out instantly. “And I didn’t call her racist. At least I didn’t mean to!”

Devil relaxed a little, but wasn’t entirely convinced it was good enough.

“Can I have a pancake now?” Monkey asked timidly. Devil didn’t answer but Mouse came round. “It’s good enough for me.  Fun, Peace and Pancakes, what else do you need?”

Ingredients

2 cups of flour, 2 eggs, 1/2 cup of water or milk or a mixture of both, salt (optional). Butter for the pan

Method

Pour flour in a bowl, add salt, mix in half the liquid with a wooden spoon. Do this little by little, thoroughly stirring to avoid lumps. Add the egg. Stir continuously until the egg is well integrated and then mix in the rest of the water. It should be a thin and runny batter. Add more water if need be.

In a pan heat up the butter with a medium heat until it melts and just starts to brown, then scoop a ladle full of batter into the pan. Tilt the pan around so that the bottom is well covered with the batter. Then wait until it dries from the underside. Flip the pancake over and bake for a further two minutes or so until it is golden brown.

Even though Monkey got his wish, he wasn’t happy eating the pancakes. We are not sure whether the recipe was too basic or because he was told off.

 

 

pig potaoe

They all stuffed their tummies with the delicious pizza and couldn’t move for a day. Mouse, being extremely conscientious about the project, tried to get them back on track and when Pig came in the kitchen dragging a big sack behind him, she asked for the next recipe.

“I want to have poatoes now!” he exclaimed and unpacked his bag on the bench. “If I have to eat one more thing made from water and flour…”

“Potato flour I would accept” said Mouse strictly. “But actual potatos? No!” she continued and pointed to the door.

“Bossy boots” he mumbled, and left.

L'artiste pizza2

While they all loved L’Artiste’s pizza bread, it is not the same as a pizza. They begged him to come back the next day and run a pizza making workshop.

The first thing they learned is that people have different preferences when it comes to their pizza base. There is no right or wrong, just different likes. L’Artiste favours a thin and crunchy crust, as do most of the Dedes. If you like it more spongy, simply allow the dough to rise longer between kneading.

It takes L’Artiste exactly one hour from entering the kitchen to having the pizza on the table. So it’s not really a quick dinner, but time flies as the process is broken up into different tasks. He also considers pizza making a social event and loves having other people help chop up toppings while they chat away.

The dough is exactly the same as for the pizza bread yesterday, but because it is covered with juicy sauce and toppings it will need 20 minutes to bake. Once the pizza is in the oven there is plenty of time to clean the kitchen, throw together a nice side salad or simply have a glass of wine in anticipation. And when the kitchen is nice and tidy, the evening can begin!

Ingredients for one tray of pizza (two large or 4 small slices)

2 cups of flour, a scant teaspoon of dry yeast, 3/4 cup of warm water. Various toppings and grated cheese.

Method

Put the flour in the bowl and add half of the water and the yeast. Now you can do other chores for 15 minutes while the yeast becomes active. When the yeast is foamy, mix it with the flour, add the rest of the water and knead to an elastic dough. Let it rest to rise.

Switch the oven on to 2000C and attend to the sauce that goes on top of the base. L’Artiste usually fries some diced onions in olive oil and adds a can of diced tomatoes (yes, a can! He read somewhere that canned tomatoes have more lycopene than fresh tomatoes, but watch out for the salt content of the canned ones!). Then he adds the mediterranean selection of herbs… rosmary, sage, oregano, thyme..

While the sauce reduces, he chops the toppings everyone wants, or else whatever he can find in the fridge (at least a red pepper, onions and garlic). If he has helpers he just supervises this task and someone has to grate the cheese. He prefers a combination of edam cheese and goat cheese. But either or will do, though the correct cheese topping for a pizza is mozzarella. Fresh mozzarella is hard to come by where the Dedes live. The wonderful thing about pizza is that anything goes. If you like it, put it on!

After the chopping and grating is done, knead the dough again, roll it out to its final size and place it on the baking tray dusted with flour. Pour the sauce on, spreading it around. Then distribute the various toppings. Lastly, put the cheese on top. If the pizza is shared, and it mostly is, L’Artiste adds what everyone wants to different sections (There is always someone who doesn’t like olives, while the next one doesn’t like salami). He then cuts the pizza before it goes in the oven, which makes it easier to divide up once it is baked.

Bake for 20 minutes at 2000C.

bobby pitay

“Guys, guys, guys. Don’t you realise we’re doing the same thing over and over again with just a few minor changes?” asked Monkey.

“That’s so not true.” defended Mouse. “While there are plenty of similarities there are also heaps of differences.”

“What about a good pancake recipe? I love pancakes! And Judy – you know the wife of Punch – would like to make pancakes too.” The other day Monkey was talking to Tony’s puppets in Australia. To his surprise he discovered that Judy had a pan, but thought it was only good for whacking Punch. When Monkey asked her to make some pancakes, she didn’t know how.

“Maybe she should try Devil’s flat bread first. We will have pancakes soon, but you need eggs… and milk and sugar.”

“Egg yes, but not necessarily milk” answered Monkey “I am really dying for some pancakes with thick slices of banana on top. Doesn’t Push Push the elephant have good recipe?”

A heated discussion ensued. In the end the consensus was that pita bread should be made first, as this bread is made from flour, water and yeast only, with an optional dash of oil and salt. Bobby the policeman was happy to share his trusted recipe.

“I like to make my pita in the oven” he said, “but you also can make it on the stove top if you don’t have an oven. That’s what I did when I still was at police school. I was boarding then and only had a cooker with one element.”

“See, Monkey” said Mouse.”Judy could try this recipe too. If she’d used the pan properly maybe Punch wouldn’t be quite so obnoxious.”

Ingredients

2.5 cups flour, 1 cup warm water, 1.5 teaspoons dry yeast, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon olive oil (optional)

Method

Put the flour in a bowl. Make a well in the middle and pour in half the water and add the dry yeast. Let sit for 10 mins until the yeast is sloshy. Then mix the flour and water to make a dough and add the remaining water in the process. Move to a clean work surface and knead. Resist adding more water. It needs to be a dry and heavy dough. Knead for at least 5 minutes until it is smooth and elastic. When making pita bread, this is the only time you knead throroughly so you might as well do it properly.

Clean the bowl and place the dough in it. Put a little olive oil in the bowl and swipe with the dough, so that the entire surface is covered in a thin oily film (this is not absolutely necessary, but it keeps the dough from drying out). Cover the bowl with a clean tea towel and let rest for at least 1 hour in a warm place.

Heat the oven to 2200C

When you are ready, deflate the dough gently and put it on a lighly floured work surface. Divide into 8 balls and flatten them out into a thick disk by rolling them out with a rolling pin to the size you want. Sprinkle with more flour if necessary. Place them on a floured baking tray and let rise for another 5 minutes or so (while the oven is heating up). It is important that the oven is properly heated as the instant heat will help the bread to puff.

Just before you put the tray in the oven, flip the pieces over. Once they are in the oven, it should take around 3 minutes for them to puff up. They are ready when they have finished ballooning. But you might keep them in the oven a little longer to brown them a little. I bake my ones between 5 and 8 minutes. When they come out of the oven they are hard, but they soften when they cool down.

If yo don’t have an oven, you can puff your pita in a pan. Lightly grease a skillet and heat it up high. Place one of the pieces of dough in it and wait until it is puffed. Flip over and brown the other side. Press the edges down with a spatula if neccessary.

Left over pitas keep in an airtight bag for several days and can be heated up in the toaster. You also can freeze baked pitas for up to 3 months. Place some waxed paper between the individual pieces when freezing.

techno man and milk bun

“With your buns you just add water to the flour” remarked Techno Man. “I wonder if my recipe is different. It has been in my family for generations.”

“Let me guess,” said Mouse, “ you are using butter and milk, right?”

“That’s it!” said Techno Man. “We use butter and milk. I think the recipe is really good and it comforts me that it is so old. It’s tried and trusted, it can’t be wrong! So, why are you using only water?”

Mouse explained that the original idea of this recipe collection was to demonstrate that you can easily make these staples at home, quickly and cheaply. The collection will become the Artist’s Survival Cookbook. The Dedes are annoyed to see a loaf of bread  in the supermarket costs $7 or a tiny packet of Grissini is $5. For the same price Mouse can buy a 5kg bag of flour and feed the troops for a couple of weeks. Of course, everybody knows that white flour is not the healthiest option. It basically has no nutritional value at all. It’s lack of nutritients is second only to sugar. Unfortunately the majority of baked goods you get in the supermarket and in most bakeries are made from white flour with a good measure of salt, sugar, hydrogenated fat, preservatives and other additives. The Dedes’ reasoning is that making it yourself doesn’t take long and you know exactly what’s in it. Once you realise how easy it is you might become more adventurous with different flours and flavours.

If you live on a tight budget, and you haven’t done much cooking before, it doesn’t make sense to start with a complicated meal. You don’t want to buy unusual ingredients, use a small amount and leave what’s left in the packets to rot in the pantry when you are not even sure if your meal will turn out okay or not.  Why not start with the simplest of recipes. If the no-egg pasta recipe doesn’t work, you might have to throw away 30c of flour (but what can go wrong with this recipe anyway?) If it works, you saved yourself $1.50 or so. If it is not to your taste, try egg pasta. (I have yet to find a person who doesn’t like my egg pasta, apart from a vegan or a gluten-intolerant person, of course! But I wouldn’t cook it for them).

You can only win. Involve your kids in making the food. Flat bread, for example, is so easy and they will love it. Next time you are in the shop, have a look at how much a packet of flat bread will set you back. I’ll bet if you make it according to our recipe it will cost you a fraction of that and it’s healthier. And not only will it feed you, it will also give you quality time with the kids.

“Are you actually answering my question, Mouse?” asked Techno Man impatiently.

“Ah, sorry” she said. “Was I raving on again? I am really passionate about the subject, you know. Of course there are other recipes, but using milk and butter makes the buns just a little bit more expensive.”

“But also better”

“Let the cooks be the judge of that. You never know what people like. Milk and butter make the dough heavier and not everyone favours that. I personally like the water ones. Other people prefer them because they are lactose intolerant or choose not to eat animal products.”

“I really like them as a condiment with a hearty soup. It makes a complete meal” Techno man insisted. “You are definitely right there.” Mouse agreed.

Ingredients

3 cups of flour, 50g butter, 250ml milk, 1 teaspoon of dry yeast, salt (optional)

Method

Warm up milk and butter in a pot. Make sure the milk is lukewarm only and the butter melted (If it is too hot you have to cool it down, as heat kills the yeast.) Pour the flour on to a flat surface. Make a well in the middle and pour in the milk/butter mix, add the yeast and let sit for 15 minutes. It will dissolve but won’t get quite as sloshy as with water and no butter. Knead to an elastic dough. Place the dough in a bowl, cover with a clean tea towel and let it rise for one or two hours.

Preheat oven to 200 0C. Knead again and form oblong buns. Place on a baking tray dusted with flour and let it rise again while the oven is heating up. Brush with milk and cut the surface lengthwise before you place them in the oven.

Bake for 20 minutes.

“I have to ask you” said Mouse after she had read the recipe. “Why does it say oblong buns? And you slit them lengthwise. Is there a reason?”

“None at all. It is just that it is such an old recipe and that is the classical look of a milk bun.” answered Techno Man.

snotty nosed soda bread

“That, my dear, sounds like rather a lot work for a loaf of bread” said Snotty Nosed Prince. But Mouse waived his concerns aside “No, honestly, it isn’t that bad. I put the dough on before the movie starts and I continue in the breaks. I don’t have to watch the dough, or the adverts for that matter. Suits me well.”

“But you can’t quickly whip up a loaf should you get unexpected guests, can you?” Snotty Nosed Prince pointed to a loaf that was sitting in the middle of the table. “Look, my Soda bread is ready to be consumed in 40 minutes and – even better – it doesn’t have yeast in it.”

Mouse was interested as she knows quite a few  people try to avoid yeasts and the loaf looked really hearty. She came a little closer and knocked on it. It sounded hollow under the crust.

“So how do you make it?”

“It’s an old Irish recipe from my wet nurse” Snotty Nosed Prince said proudly. “The only draw back is you have to eat it on the day. But honestly, who could resist!”

“I see you use buttermilk in it” Mouse said when she glanced at the recipe. “What is that supposed to do?”

“That is an additional leavening agent. Yes, I know it is not one of the basic foods you have sitting in your fridge. If you don’t have any at hand, use normal milk and put lemon juice or vinegar in it. I personally prefer lemon juice.”

Ingredients

1 cup plain white flour, 2 cups wholemeal flour, plus a little extra to sprinkle, 1 tsp baking soda, ½ tsp salt, 300 ml buttermilk or alternatively normal milk with 1 tablespoon of lemon juice added.

Method

Preheat the oven to 200 0C.

Put white and wholemeal flours, baking soda and salt into a bowl and mix well with a fork.

Make a well in the centre and pour the liquid in. Stir the flour into the liquid  using your index finger to make it a soft dough. Then move it to a lightly floured work surface and knead quickly and lightly to a dough that holds together. Make sure you don’t overwork the dough, otherwise the bread gets too hard.

Form a ball and place on a greased baking sheet. Flatten it ever so slightly. Cut a deep cross in the top of the loaf (about half way). Sprinkle a little extra wholemeal flour over the top.

Bake for about 30 minutes or until well risen and browned. Test by tapping on the base, if it sounds hollow, it is done. If it sounds dull and heavy, bake for a further 3–5 minutes and then test it again.

Cool on a wire rack and eat the same day.

This bread goes very well with soups, for example a creamy pumkin or carrot soup. It is also nice buttered and with honey. If you have some left over, you can toast it the next day.

“Oh yes, the bread was easy to make,” said Mouse exhausted. “But it took ages to get a reasonable picture with the prince and his loaf. He just didn’t want to smile.”

mouse bread copy

“I think it’s my turn now. We need a good solid bread recipe” Mouse remarked, after she had tried all the recipes with just water, flour and some sort of fat, but no leavening agent.

“Do you have a bread making machine?” Nitpicker asked. “I don’t need one.” Mouse replied proudly. “I am a purist. I love kneading the dough.” Mouse is indeed constantly baking bread, just in case visitors drop by. As she never knows how much she will need, she usually bakes two loaves. One goes in the freezer and the other one stays in the bread box to be eaten. When the first one is almost finished she gets the other one out of the freezer and by the time it is required, it will be defrosted. Sometimes she bakes three times a week. But it’s not really a big deal as the dough doesn’t need to be handled much. It mainly sits around rising and Mouse can do other things in the meantime.

“I will write down my basic recipe” Mouse said as she put pen to paper. “Once you have done a few loaves you will become more adventurous with your breads. Feel free to experiment with different flours or add linseed or sunflower seeds to the mix, anything you want that your family eats. I personally like caraway seeds in my bread. It helps digestion but it’s not everybodies kettle of fish.”

“So what do I have to watch out for when you can alter the flour as one pleases and add more stuff?” asked Nitpicker, who really feels unsure when instructions are too vague.

“You need to have a good amount of glutenous flour, ie. white flour or whole meal flour, rye flour, spelt or barley. Gluten has a bad reputation but it helps the dough to rise, and gives it shape and a chewy texture. So don’t replace all the flour with gluten free types, though you can add some, for example buckwheat flour.

“And then you have to give it time to rise. Please also be aware that your yeast might be different from the brand I use and might behave differently. For example, some dry yeasts can be mixed with the flour and you don’t need to slosh it up before you knead your dough. The brand I use doesn’t contain anything except dried active yeast and salt and I definitely get the best results when I allow it to foam in liquid first. The same company that produces my yeast puts out a special yeast for bread making and this one also contains wheat flour, emulsifiers (481, 472e), flour treatment agent (ascorbic acid), sugar, vegetable oil and enzymes, as well as yeast. Personally, I am happy with my bread and others love it too, so I don’t see the need to add all that stuff to it. I recommend you try the recipe by the book and if the result isn’t quite what you expect, make some slight changes next time. If the final product clearly tastes yeasty, use less yeast next time. If it doesn’t rise much, use more. But don’t give up. And though you might not believe it, it also mightn’t have worked perfectly just because you baked on a very humid day.

Ingredients

5 cups of white flour and 2 cups of whole meal flour, 2 teaspoons of dry yeast, approximately 3 cups of water, salt (optional). Water to brush on the loaves.

Note: the proportions of the two types of flour are not that important as long as they combine to 7 cups. Use more whole meal for a heavier bread and more white flour for a lighter one.

Method

Combine the two flours in a large bowl and mix thoroughly with a fork. Make a well in the middle and add 1 cup of lukewarm water and the yeast. Let sit for 10 minutes until the yeast looks like sloshy foam. Then mix water and flour together and add the rest of the water. Transfer to a flat surface and knead throroughly for 5 to 10 minutes. I quite enjoy the kneading process. It can be very therapeutic when you’ve had a stressful day.

Place the dough back in the bowl. Cover with a clean tea towel and let it sit in a warm place. The dough will rise to double its size, so it is important you have a big enough bowl. Let it sit for roughly an hour or longer if you want. You can even leave it over night and bake in the morning. Nothing is as nice as fresh bread, still warm from the oven.

Preheat the oven to 210 oC

Take the dough out of the bowl and knead again. Add the salt now, if you want to add salt. Sprinkle flour on a baking tray. Divide the dough into two loaves and place on the baking tray. They will fit side by side on one tray. Let the loaves rise for another 10-15 Minutes until they have has visibly enlarged. The oven should have heated up to the right temperature during this time.

Brush the loaves with water (this will give the bread a crust). Cut the surface diagonally with a sharp knife. I also place a water-filled ramikin on the baking tray for extra crunchiness.

Bake for 45 minutes.

Let cool on a rack.

“I am a little dissappointed” Devil said. “I was hoping you will give us your really yummy sour dough bread recipe. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate here, as sour dough is nothing but water and flour?”

“Yes,” said Mouse, “your are right, but we are only at the beginning. A sour dough starter takes a few days to develop as it works with wild yeasts from the air. Also, you need to use rye flour instead of white flour. We will look at it later. In the meantime let’s take the short cut and use dry yeast.”